Mending What Was Broken
by tainted-tash
Summary: After the civil war between the Avengers, Tony is left alone and slowly being eaten from the inside with hate. When Steve suddenly turns up with a few others and none other than James 'Bucky' Barnes, Tony is dragged back into the world of the Avengers to help, very much against his will. SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN CIVIL WAR AND DON'T WANT IT RUINED.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello my little darlings. So here we have my first every Avengers fic. Now, for anyone that hasn't seen Civil War, please walk away now. There are MASSIVE spoilers in here and I won't have people reviewing with accusations they weren't warned of spoilers. So consider yourself warned.**

 **I will be working on this in my spare time, so please appreciate that updates may become sparodic. Also, I request that if I happen to get anything wrong, so please send me a quick message. Most of this is going off memory, and a little research.**

 **Of course, Avengers and all things Marvel related belong to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made from this story.**

Mending What Was Broken

 _'_ _If you ever need us. If you ever need me. I'll be there.'_

Crumpled from being read so many times, Tony folded the letter- a letter he knew word for word- from Steve and put it back in the box that held the cell phone he had never used. And never planned to. Too much had happened, and it had been long over a year since the fight between him, Steve and the Winter Soldier.

Even though he was still deeply hurt by Steve taking Barnes' side, he couldn't help the void in his chest where his friend used to be, the playful banter, teasing and Tony making the super soldier blush with his lewd remarks. He and Steve had their differences, but in the end, their friendship always won. Except this time. This time the rift was far too deep.

Tony had been prepared to put everything behind them, especially after learning that Barnes had nothing to do with the attack in Vienna where the United Nations had gathered to discuss, and pass, the Sokovia Accords, and the death of the Wakandan King. An attack where many innocent people had died, and led to a civil war between the Avengers that left the team broken- or rather, Tony no longer a part of it.

Tony had fought against Barnes after the soldier had been captured and brought in for a full interrogation, and someone had tricked their way into the ranks and managed to bring the Winter Soldier to the surface of Barnes' mind with what was apparently a few choice words. He'd bruised for days, and that was only worsened later.

But then they had found Helmut Zemo, the man truly responsible for the death of King T'Chaka, in Siberia and he had taken great delight in showing them the footage from the night Tony's parents had died. A road that Tony instantly recognised, a car on it that was ran off the road, and finally the Winter Soldier came on screen. Tony could have even gotten over the death of Howard Stark, but when Barnes' hand closed over Maria's nose and mouth, rage had taken over.

Though in his heart he knew that Barnes couldn't really be held responsible when he'd been brain washed, Tony couldn't let it go. Barnes killed his mom and there was no going back from that. There was absolutely no way that he was ever going to be able to forgive that. Tony may not make weapons of mass destruction anymore, but the darker part of him that hadn't cared where his weapons went, still lived inside Tony.

When it had boiled down to it, even though Steve had always claimed Howard Stark to be one of his closest friends back in nineteen-forty-four, he had sided with Barnes, and nothing could have cut Tony any deeper than his friend, and leader, choosing to support the murderer of his parents. Steve knew Howard before he became a drunk, before he was a terrible father and an even worse husband, and to tarnish that bit of him by helping Barnes was the final straw for Tony.

 _"_ _He's my friend."_

 _"_ _So was I."_

Those few words had replayed over and over in his mind since Steve had left him battered and broken in the HYDRA facility in Siberia, after he and Barnes had managed to kick the ever loving shit out of him. The last that Tony heard of any of the Avengers, Steve had broken them out of the containment cells that Ross had locked them away in, and taken off. But no one had contacted him.

And the only reason he'd even known that was because Thaddeus Ross had rocked up on his doorstep, shouting and throwing around threats of prison when it had happened. He'd all but accused Tony of being in on the operation, but a few very choice words from Tony had set that record straight and the General had been sent packing with his tail between his legs.

Sometimes Tony would hear the whispers of the Avengers still together, keeping the world a safe place from the evils that still existed and the new ones that always seemed to appear. But with SHIELD no longer existing, and HYDRA still an ever present threat, they remained low key- surprisingly.

Then Pepper had left him. He knew it was only a matter of time, that he had been pushing her too far for too long. They had been on a break when everything between the Avengers broke out, but when he didn't respond to anything, not even her threat of leaving him, she went anyway- and didn't come back.

Tony couldn't even bring himself to care, and he knew it was cold, calloused even, but he simply did not care. Maybe he hadn't loved Pepper as much as he thought he had, but that was ridiculous. He adored Pepper, but there was no way he could be the man that she needed. He was never going to give up the suit, even though he was no longer a member of the Avengers.

Even though he'd blown up all his suits after defeating Killian and his insane Extremis people, Tony had gone right back to building even more of them, better ones that had newer features and soon, Pepper had stopped going to his workshop with coffee, stopped going to the Tower, and then stopped being in his life altogether.

It was quieter around, his lab no longer had the lingering scent of perfume and his bed was cold when he climbed into it- usually after being awake for thirty-six hours and drinking a ridiculous amount of caffeine. And yet, Tony found himself not missing any of it. DUM-E, U, and Butterfingers made less noise, his bots seeming to miss his ex-girlfriend more than he did.

As weeks turned into months, Tony slowly rebuilt a friendship with Pepper, pretty much handed her the reigns of Stark Industries, and sent her flowers with a huge letter of apology for being an ass to her. She didn't write back, but she messaged him, and he took that as something. It was far more than he deserved and he knew it, but hurting Pepper had been the last thing he'd wanted.

He'd given her the house in Malibu, under the promise that she kept the security floor below ground level- just in case. Because though she was no longer the girlfriend of the billionaire, Tony Stark, she still was the CEO of Stark Industries and that made her a huge target. After having the house rebuilt when The Mandarin destroyed it, Tony hadn't really been back, but he wanted Pepper to have something she could keep, so the house was hers.

Tony had no desire to live outside of the Tower anyway, he kept everything as it was, even the rooms that each of his once upon a time friends had, he never touched them, never removed anything, never changed a damn thing. Because that would mean admitting that he was alone.

He couldn't. Because no matter how angry he was with Steve, or how hurt he was, a part of him still secretly hoped that they would return home, that Steve would walk through the door and throw some bullshit reason that Tony should be making him something new to tinker with, and things could go back to the way they had been. But deep down, they wouldn't ever be able to. Because Steve sided with Barnes, and it had shattered their friendship.

From out of nowhere, DUM-E beeped frantically to get Tony's attention, whirring and getting himself into the genius' field of vision. "What DUM-E? I'm busy here."

"Sir, I believe DUM-E is trying to warn you that there are intruders on the roof," FRIDAY piped up, as if she were reciting the current state of the weather.

Tony dropped the soldering iron he'd been using on a new gauntlet for his suit and glanced at the security feed FRIDAY showed him, but the figures were shrouded in darkness. He didn't want to hit the floodlights and alert the intruders that he was on to them, he certainly want them to decide an open attack on the building because he knew they were there.

"Fry, have the armour ready, just in case. I'm going to go see who our guests are."

"Yes, boss."

He took the elevator to the eighty-fifth floor and got out, taking the stairs up to the roof. A second elevator would take him to the roof, but he wasn't interested in letting them know he was on his way. Slipping through the emergency exit door without a sound, he stood to the wall and peered out onto the roof.

His 'guests' hadn't moved, like they were waiting for something- or someone. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the glass open and walked out to them. "You know, most people who are trying to break into my home use methods a little less…obvious."

The floodlights came on and Tony felt his heart sink right down all eighty-seven floors of the Tower. A face he had long desired and dreaded to see again was lit up in the artificial light, making his normally boyish features look sharp, withdrawn, and just that little bit fed up.

"Tony…I'm sorry to crash on you like this, but we need somewhere to stay."

Seeing Steve, in the flesh, after so long, was enough to send Tony's brain into overdrive. But Steve wasn't alone. Barnes was there, along with the Maximoff girl, Vision and Clint. His gaze lingered on Barnes, making sure the soldier was always in his peripheral vision.

It crossed Tony's mind to outright refuse them, but something in Steve's expression stopped him. "Alright. I guess you'd all better come in."

He eyed Barnes wearily, the mechanic in him desperately wanting to look at his rebuilt bionic arm- since it had been blown off when the Soldier had tried to rip out the arc reactor from his suit- but the man who had watched his mother die stood strong and didn't give in to his want. Vision gave him a tight smile, a tiny bow of the head and Maximoff ignored him altogether, which really wasn't all that usual after he'd somewhat locked her in the new Avengers facility in upstate New York.

The only one who seemed genuinely pleased to see him was Clint, who enveloped him in a quick hug. "Yeah, I missed you too, bird brain," Tony teased.

The fact that Steve hadn't even thought to call ahead told Tony that whatever reason they were at the Tower- it wouldn't be good. Having Barnes around made him feel extremely on edge, and the man hadn't been in his home for ten seconds. A lump of lead settled in the pit of his stomach, and Tony stalked back indoors to find out just why Steve had chosen now to reach out to him, and what had possessed him to bring the others into something that clearly ended up putting them in danger.

 **Okay all, so this is the prologue of my first ever Avengers story. Please go easy on me, and drop a review. Please also appreciate that I will be working on this in my spare time, so updates might be a little sparodic**


	2. From the Inside Out

**Well, my darlings, I have decided to post this chapter a few days earlier than planned because of the massive response I got to just the prologue.**

 **As always, no copyright infringement is intended, all Marvel people, places, things etc belong to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.**

Chapter one- From the Inside Out

"So what you're trying to tell me is that HYDRA wants Barnes back?" Tony asked, a headache forming behind his eyes, his head thumping and making him for more irritable.

Steve nodded, his blue eyes dull with exhaustion. "Yes, we encountered some HYDRA agents when we were in Siberia. We went back with the intention of seeing if the facility there held any information on other bases that we might be able to shut down. Unfortunately, others had gotten there before us and we were ambushed."

Tony could see several cuts all over Clint, his movements were stiff, Wanda looked tired and Vision never seemed to stray far from her, one hand always reaching out for her. Steve was black, blue and bloodied, more so than when Tony had fought him, and Barnes stood against the wall to Tony's right, his eyes constantly darting around.

Tony ran a hand through his hair and shook his head wearily. "Normally I'd make some wisecrack about old age, Steve. But this time you were just a fucking idiot. What the fuck possessed you to go back to a base you knew a HYDRA agent had already been in? Zemo was bound to make sure his buddies knew that he would be leading you there, it's logical to think that they would by lying in wait to see if you returned."

The Captain lowered his head and sighed, hands laced together in front of him. "I know, Tony. But I…we had to get some answers."

Tony glanced at Barnes and his jaw clenched. "Sure you needed answers, because getting answers for Barnes takes priority over the safety of your teammates. Why not go to your new Avengers facility? There is no reason to believe you wouldn't be safe there, so why come here?"

"Because…" Steve paused, apparently collecting his thoughts. "I believed that you were still my friend, Tony. That if it ever came to me needing you, and not the other way around, that you would be there for me- for us."

Tony snorted, rose to his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets. "You? It might have taken some time, but I would have come around. You were my best friend, Steve, I would have done anything for you. The rest of the Avengers? Of course, they're all my family and I love each and every one of them. Him? You got no fucking chance. Our friendship was over the moment you chose that murderer over us. I won't kick you out, because I'm not going to put the rest of you in danger over him, but don't expect my help, Steve. You won't find it here. Ever."

His eyes met Clint's for a moment, a silent message passing between them and the Hawkeye gave a barely perceptible nod. He would meet Tony down in the workshop, get patched up, and tell him exactly what was going on. Because Tony was certain that he wasn't being told everything, Steve was leaving something out, because he never looked Tony in the eye for long.

Clint may not have been in contact with Tony, but out of all of them, Tony knew that if he could count on anyone to be honest with him, to tell him what was truly happening, it was Clint. He might be a bird brain, but he was a damn smart one, and he always had Tony's back- the Iron Man knew this. He could trust Natasha too, she had always been straight with him (except for the time that she joined Stark Industries and pretended to work for him).

Tony stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the basement, the doors sliding shut on a stony-faced Barnes. He managed to take a sick sense of satisfaction in making it well known that he hated Barnes. It was petty, very much so. But Tony had been accused of being worse things, and to be honest, having Barnes know how he felt about him was the least of his worries.

Ten minutes later and FRIDAY announced Barton to be on his way down to the workshop. Tony turned down the sound system blaring out _AC/DC Shoot to Thrill._ The elevator doors opened and Clint limped out, showing Tony the extent of the damage done to his body. The genius swore softly and shoved a stool at him.

"Park your ass on that, Bird Boy."

Testament to how injured Clint was, he sat without comment or protest, his entire body seemed to just sag and he looked older than ever. Tony had FRIDAY run a cursory scan and there didn't seem to be any permanent damage to his leg, it was more than likely muscle damage, or a pulled hamstring, something that could fix itself in a matter of days.

"Jesus, Clint, what the fuck has been going on? I thought you quit on all this so you could raise Nathaniel and the other small agents that are your children?" Tony asked seriously, despite the small agent comment.

Clint sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, wincing when he caught a deep gash on the palm of his hand. "I did…I was. Fuck, Tones, it's a fucking mess. Steve ended up getting us all dragged into finding the rest of the HYDRA agents that could potentially try and reclaim Bucky."

Tony's eyebrows shot up towards his hair line. " _Bucky_?" He snorted. "You're actually calling him that?"

Clint scowled. "I know he's done some fucked up shit, Tony. But cut the guy a little slack, he was brainwashed and had no idea what he was doing."

Not wanting a fight with Clint, Tony let the matter drop and got out his medi-kit that FRIDAY constantly reminded him to keep stocked. Sterile wipes, steri-strips and gauzes were all in there, among many other items. Including a small bottle of whiskey that he handed to Clint. "You'll need it- I don't keep any anaesthesia around."

Hawkeye took the bottle gratefully and downed it in one. "Nothing I haven't had to deal with before."

Tony soaked several cotton wool balls in antiseptic and cleaned the deep gash on Clint's left hand. The archer barely blinked and just sat in silence as Tony began patching him up. Tony said nothing either, choosing to remain quiet for the moment, there would be time for Clint to tell him exactly what had been going on.

It took almost half an hour for Tony to clean, seal and dress any deep wounds, clean the smaller cuts and make sure Clint had no broken bones, fractured ones or dislocations. Thankfully, the only severe wound was the one on his left hand, and his leg appeared to just be a sprain in the ankle.

Requesting that FRIDAY let him know should any of the others come down to the workshop, Tony spread his hands and sighed. "Come on then, spill."

Clint got up and paced around, his movements jumpy, guarded. "I don't even know where to begin, Tony. After the whole civil war affair, I went home to Laura, planning to raise my children and enjoy my wife. Steve comes knocking and says he's going back to Siberia to try and find out about any more HYDRA bases. That he's looking to make sure that anyone who might know about Bucky either can't get to him, or isn't able to tell anyone about him."

Tony whistled through his teeth quietly and shook his head, laughing quietly. "I guess Captain America isn't so patriotic anymore."

There was a silence that met his words, a heavy one that spoke volumes. The very fact that the amazing Captain America was willing to take lives to protect someone was something that Tony never thought he would see, Steve Rodgers becoming the very thing he hated.

"He ropes me into helping, I tell Laura I'll only be gone for a few days, just to make sure Cap doesn't get himself killed. We reach Siberia, and Steve has got Vision and Wanda to come help. Because they work so well together when she can overpower him and he worries about her constantly."

Tony gave a soft snort and nodded. "Yes, Rhodey still can't walk unaided, but he seems to like the legs. He'll never fly a suit again, but I don't think he's too upset about that."

Clint shot him an apologetic look but Tony waved it off. "Anyway, we get inside the facility, all seems to be okay then out of nowhere, twenty HYDRA agents come flocking from behind the cryo-containers and demand Bucky go with them."

He didn't continue speaking for a few minutes, and Tony busied himself with making them coffee so he wasn't sat there staring at Clint, or fidgeting. Only when he handed Clint a cup of coffee with a shot if whiskey in did he carry on.

"Naturally, Steve doesn't want to do that, and frankly, neither did I. Bucky's done some bad shit, man. But getting his memory wiped again, going back to being the Winter Soldier…it's not a life, Tony. He just becomes an asset for them to use, a killing machine that has basically no idea what the fuck he's doing because he's following orders from a group hell bent on destruction."

Tony couldn't deny that, because it was the truth, as much as it sucked to admit that bird brain was right. "I agree, especially since becoming the Winter Soldier again would make things very difficult for Steve considering he put his neck out on the line for Barnes."

"Right, but I think it's for more reasons than that. Anyway, we're drastically outnumbered, but when aren't we? We go wading in, and these guys are damn well trained, and it's tough, but we make it. The long and short of it is that as long as HYDRA are aware of Bucky, they aren't going to stop looking for him, because he's the best thing they've ever created."

Unable to stand around, Tony put his mug down and walked around the workshop. "All sounds very plausible, Clint. But it doesn't explain why he's brought you here. I mean, I don't mind you here, Clint, but why bring Barnes when he knows it's just going to make shit worse?"

Clint rolled his shoulders in what could have been a shrug, and Tony was about to take it as one when the archer spoke. "I think…because he's partly trying to reach out, by saying that he needs your help and actually admitting that he can't do this on his own. He does have us, yes, but when it boiled down to it, you had all the tech, Tones. It's not the reason we cared about you, we do. Care, I mean. But the tech is what we need right now, and I think that the only place Steve could think equalled safety was here. Home."

Tony found the wording all very lovely, and it even moved him- slightly. But in the end, he wasn't willing to help the man who aided the soldier that murdered his parents. "I can't, Clint. How can I help someone who turned his back on me? Barnes killed my mom, Clint. She was everything to me. She's gone because he put his hand over her mouth and made sure she couldn't take another breath!" He hissed sharply.

Eyes staring straight at him, Clint didn't back down, despite Tony's harsh tone. "I can scarcely imagine that pain, Tony. And I can definitely understand your anger, your need to lash out. But maybe you also need to accept that Bucky wasn't in control of his actions, he was a puppet. HYDRA are the puppet masters, and if they get Bucky back, how many other people will lose their parents? Loved ones? Husbands? How many, Tones?"

Tony bit back tears, his lip chewed to shreds. "I do accept that, Clint. But that doesn't mean I have to accept him. Could you, if he'd been the reason Laura died? What about your children?"

"Tony…just…damn it, man. I don't know, it's not something I'm faced with, but I'd like to think I could find a way to work through it, especially knowing that there was nothing he could have done to prevent it. We need you. Like it or not, Steve came to you for help, and you're just going to turn him away because you're angry?" Hawkeye yelled.

"Yes! But not because I'm angry. Because I'm disappointed and fucking hurt, Clint! Steve was my best friend, more so than Bruce and I never thought I would say that! So what does he do? He chooses a murderer!"

The tears came then, fat ones that rolled down his cheeks and soaked his beard, dripped onto his shirt and wet the material. Clint's face softened, as did his tone and he approached Tony.

"Tones…you gotta let this go or it's just gonna eat you from the inside out. Damn, I know you're hurting and you've got every right to, but you don't end one friendship because Steve chose to focus on a different one for the time being. It doesn't mean he stopped caring about you, but Bucky has been his best friend since childhood. Would you turn your back on Rhodey if he did something heinous but needed your help?" Clint asked softly, dragging Tony into a hug.

The mechanic held on with all his strength and cried, heartfelt sobs coming from him that broke Clint's heart just a little more than seeing the man so lost and hurt. "No…" he sobbed. "I couldn't turn my back on him."

Clint nodded and gave him a squeeze before letting him go. "Just…give Steve a chance, Tony. Please? For me? He loves you, we all do. I don't expect miracles and I don't expect you to want to work with Bucky, but please, just try."

The soft plead from Clint was all it took for Tony to cave and give a minute nod, which was as good as a spoken oath in the world of Stark. Clint gave him a smile, one last hug and left the workshop, still smiling.

Butterfingers nudged Tony's shoulder and the billionaire patted the mechanical arm gently in some vague form of comfort before he cranked the volume on his sound system and decided to spend some time working on his suits to calm himself, and calm his mind from the thousand thoughts that were swirling around it.

When Tony finally came up from his workshop, dawn was starting to shine through the windows of his Tower, the light of the sun chasing away the shadows that often haunted Tony's nightmares, and were the reason he rarely slept anymore, or they were the cause of him waking in the middle of the night screaming, soaked in sweat and sobbing.

Truthfully he would have still been in his workshop were it not for his desire to ingest actual food instead of the meal bars he'd been surviving off all night. His stomach grumbled loudly as if to make its own protest heard at going so long without eating. The rumbling forced him to leave his workshop and head up to the kitchen, his movements sluggish and limbs heavy.

Heaving a sigh, Tony pulled out a pan, turned on the stove and dropped a generous dollop of butter into it. He raided the fridge for the huge carton of eggs that was always there and broken five into the pan once it reached full heat, carefully using a spatula to scramble the eggs without actually completely mixing the yolk with the whites of the eggs.

He'd learnt early on that with the amount of eggs he ate, along with Steve, Bruce and Clint, it was more beneficial to just buy a few of the thirty egg cartons and pray they lasted them the week. An ache in his chest settled when he thought on how many times he'd walked into the kitchen to make eggs and found none left, Steve sat at the table with a sheepish expression while Clint scarpered out of the room cackling.

He sprinkled a little salt, pepper and drizzled a small amount of maple syrup over the scrambled eggs before tipping the contents of the pan into a bowl and grabbing a fork. He shut off the stove, stabbed at a piece of egg, raised it to his lips and screamed as Barnes emerged from the remaining shadows in the kitchen.

The bowl shattered to the floor, along with his eggs, and he swore colourfully. He sent a nasty glare in the direction of the soldier and cleaned up the ruined eggs and smashed bowl, making sure he got every piece using the small handheld vacuum. Sometimes Clint walked around bare foot and he didn't want bird brain getting it stuck in his foot.

"I apologise for startling you," Barnes called softly.

Tony stood up and deposited the remains of the bowl and food into the trash. "People tend to get startled when others come out of the shadows like something out of their worst nightmare," he groused.

Barnes smiled tightly. "I guess I do feature in those nightmares."

It was all Tony could do not to throw something at Barnes' head and scream at him. "What would you know about nightmares, Barnes?" He spat.

The soldier's eyes flickered with something that Tony failed to grasp before it was gone. "I know a fair bit. I remember every mission I was sent on. I remember every face. They haunt me at night, their blood always on my hands and reminding me what I did," he said very softly.

Tony's face twisted into a cruel, horrible smirk and he stalked towards Barnes. "I hope my mom's face haunts you for the rest of your life."

He didn't stop to see Barnes' pale, miserable and sickened face. He stomped off and muttered under his breath about a ruined appetite and needing a shower after being in the same room as Barnes. On the bright side, he hadn't given into the urge to throw something, and from where Clint had been watching in the ventilation shaft, he counted that as a win, and Tony keeping to his word.

 **So there you have the first chapter. I absolutely love how Tony is here. I've read quite a few Tony/Bucky stories and I've enjoyed them all. But I just don't see Tony as being able to get past Bucky killing his parents so easily.**

 **Anyways, this update has come early because of the massive response I got from just the prologue, so I decided to post early. The next chapter will come in a few days, so keep a look out!**


	3. Not Alone at All

**I hope you're all ready for chapter two of Mending What Was Broken. A dear friend of mine, LoopyLou992 has repeatedly asked me just how long she's going to have to wait for some delicious Bucky action. My honest answer is it could be a while, Tony isn't going to roll over and suddenly forgive Bucky, despite him not being in control of his actions at the time.**

 **However, I am thinking about running a little poll on when it'll happen. So if anyone wants to take a guess, and they get it right, when the time comes, the chapter will have a shout out for them :)**

 **As always, all Marvel related persons, places and things belong to the Marvel Cinematic Universe and I have no claim over them.**

 **P.S. I went to go see Civil War for the third time today, so I have made a couple of changes if anyone is wanting to go check them out but they're nothing dramatic. Loopy and I did have a massive drool fest over Bucky's ass though *le sigh***

Chapter Two- Not Alone at All

Exhaustion finally won out that night. Tony had spent the majority of his day in the workshop, avoiding everyone and any possibility of having to deal with the situation that was his shattered friendship and his feelings on having the man who murdered his parents in his home, walking around free.

He'd made the gauntlet for his suit, tested it out until perfect and finally given in when FRIDAY had shut down his equipment and refused to open any of his design plans, locking him out of everything in an attempt to get him to sleep.

With a lot of grumbling, Tony had acquiesced to her pleas to rest, even if only for a few hours. He rode the elevator to his floor, stripped and thought about climbing straight into bed but opted to shower with how grimy his skin was, and the grease that marked his hands.

Then, finally, he collapsed on his bed, didn't bother to try get under the sheets and passed out within seconds of his head finding his pillow. This was how he woke in the middle of the night, screaming and crying as his mom was killed, her hands reaching for him, eyes silently begging for Tony to save her, but he was helpless as the Winter Soldier batted away his attacks as if he were nought but a fly.

Light faded from his mother's eyes, her throat held in the grip of a metal arm, and the Winter Soldier turned his attention on Tony once her body went lifeless, stalking after him. His left hand, the bionic one, reached for him, and it was at that point he woke up screaming, tears pouring down his cheeks. FRIDAY flooded the room with light, revealing nothing and no one in the room with him. As soon as he saw he was safe, his screaming stopped. Slowly, Tony's heart rate returned to normal, his sobs died down and he gasped for air, one hand clenched against his chest.

"Boss, shall I call for one of the Avengers to…" FRIDAY began.

Tony shook his head. "No, Fry, I'm okay. Just gimme a minute here."

His AI remained silent while he pulled himself together and stiffly climbed out of bed. Pacing around the room, Tony shook the last cobwebs of sleep from his mind, along with all visions of his nightmare, and sighed heavily. "Can I go back to my workshop now?" He asked sarcastically.

FRIDAY started his shower before coming over the system. "Of course, but I recommend a shower, boss."

He chuckled at her but did as said. Tony knew there was no replacing JARVIS, but he was glad he'd chosen FRIDAY to take over his job. She had the attitude of a rebellious teenager, and sassed him more than anyone ever could, but she always did right by him and made sure he took breaks. And though he often found it annoying when FRIDAY would step in and nag him to sleep, it endeared him to the AI.

Showered, dressed and feeling a little more human, Tony took the elevator to the kitchen and made coffee. Against his better judgement, he set a second pot brewing and added his secret ingredient before stowing it away and walking out. He passed Steve on the way in, and the super soldier gave him a tiny smile. Tony stared blankly at him and carried on walking, never looking back and not feeling a single spark of guilt for giving Steve the cold shoulder.

Back down in his workshop with the familiar smell of oil and metal, Tony pulled up the design plan for his latest suit and set to work on the jets in his boots, planning to make them more powerful so he could reach a faster speed. It wasn't something he really needed, but Tony had always pushed to excel and strived to do better than the time before, simply because he was able to.

He asked FRIDAY to put his music on, and _Black Sabbath Snow Blind_ blared through his speakers, and with it a wave of calm washed over him, allowing him the ability to think clearly. He worked on the suit until his fingers cramped from holding the soldering iron for so long. Rolling his shoulders to relieve some of the tension, Tony screamed and jumped from his seat when hands touched him.

Natasha stood behind him, her eyes silently laughing at him. "Clint said you were high strung, but I didn't think that much."

Tony slapped a hand over his chest and scowled darkly at her. "Jesus fucking wept, Nat. Let a man know you're here before you touch him!"

She just laughed and waved him off. "Oh come on, we both know you love to be touched."

Tony gawped before bursting out laughing. "I do, but not when the person touching me plans to give me a heart attack. When did you get here?"

She smiled softly. "Five minutes ago. I came down as soon as I'd spoken to Clint. He said you woke up screaming again this morning."

Tony froze for a moment and stared at her. "What do you mean 'again'?"

Natasha cocked her head at him. "Tony…just because you never saw him didn't mean he wasn't watching over you. Clint would come by every so often and hide in the ventilation, make sure you were doing okay. Apart from working yourself to death, never sleeping and waking up screaming when you do sleep, he said you were coping. But I think he was wrong, and that's why I'm here."

The genius blinked slowly several times, eyes wide with shock. "Clint has been…watching over me? All along? FRIDAY, was there any particular reason you neglected to tell me that there was someone in my ventilation system?"

The AI remained silent, either she didn't know he'd been there, which was highly unlikely, or she just didn't want to answer, and unless she was actually ordered to by Tony, she probably wouldn't say. He didn't really want to order her to tell him, he was kind of warmed that the bird brain cared enough to watch over him.

Natasha nodded to Tony's question. "Yes. I would have done it too, had I not been busy, but he kept me updated. When he said Steve was bringing him here, along with Barnes, I knew I had to come back. I couldn't let you deal with facing him alone, Tony."

Tony didn't want to hear anything else, he rushed over and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her neck and letting her body heat, the soft curves and subtle hint of perfume soothe him. So close to tears, Tony needed to calm down, and Nat had always been very good at calming him. And that is just what she did, she sung very quietly to him, an old children's Russian song.

He didn't understand what she was saying, but he loved the lilting tone of her voice and the way the words of the song slid together easily and soothed him. She rubbed his back until she ended the song, kissed the side of his head and smiled, stepping back gently. "Come on, let's go get some lunch and you can tell me what you've been doing while locked away in your Tower."

Tony scrubbed his hands over his face, groused about being pulled away from his work but grinned at her. "Only if you make me those little Russian cookies."

Natasha laughed loudly. "Anything you want, Shell Head."

Tony rode the elevator with Nat in silence, but his hand occasionally brushed hers in a need to gain a little comfort. She never complained, never tried to move away, and never said anything that would discourage him. Natasha had grown used to Tony's occasional need for physical touch to comfort him, there had been times when the genius had worked for so long, gotten so tired and delirious that he would just curl up against someone and sleep with his head on their lap.

As soon as they reached the kitchen, Nat got to work straight away on the Russian cookies, mixing ingredients for the dough, kneading it then rolling it out. While she worked, Tony made his special coffee and passed her a mug.

"Are you ever going to tell me what your ingredient is for this coffee?"

Tony laughed and shook his head. "Not in a thousand years."

Steve chose that moment to shuffle into the kitchen and sniffed at the air. "Is that your secret coffee?"

Tony turned and gave him a dark look. "It is."

Steve gave him a sheepish smile. "Is there uh…any left?"

Natasha sent him a look and Tony nodded reluctantly. "There's some in the pot."

He didn't offer to make a cup up, and nobody could have persuaded him to, but he saw the quick look of pride in Natasha's face and blushed. He mumbled under his breath and sat down at the table, catching the ball of cookie dough that Nat tossed his way. Tony shoved it in his mouth before Steve could even ask for a bit and prayed that Natasha wouldn't share any with the super soldier. She didn't, and Tony took a little satisfaction in that.

He couldn't decide if Natasha was actually on his side, or if she was playing Devil's Advocate, because she did that a lot, and no one could ever be certain if Nat was taking sides or if she was remaining neutral. He liked to think that she at least had his back in this instance, that she wouldn't then be off talking to Steve and discussing just how much he, Tony, was falling apart.

The tension in the air could have been cut with a knife, and it only intensified when Barnes walked into the kitchen in a pair of Steve's joggers and an Iron Man shirt. Tony's face darkened considerably and he stood so quickly his chair hit the floor with a crash.

"Are you trying to be fucking funny?" Tony growled.

Nat shoved the cookies in the oven and clanged the door shut before rounding on the two super soldiers, her infamous death glare across her face. "Please tell me this is some stupid attempt to be funny or an offer of peace keeping that's gone wrong?"

Barnes looked down at his shirt, realising just what it was he was wearing and slugged Steve in the arm. "The fuck?"

Tony didn't stick around to watch Steve pull the innocent 'what did I do?' routine. He marched past Barnes and shot Steve a nasty glare. "Might benefit you to not try and be funny, Barnes. And maybe wear a shirt that actually fits you."

It was all Natasha could do not to burst out laughing as she followed Tony. "Really, Steve?"

Tony heard Steve yelp in protest. "Nat! I swear I didn't even look at what shirt I passed him!"

The implications of that single line made Tony's heart ache and he felt sick to his stomach. If Steve had passed Barnes a shirt straight out of his closet, did that mean Barnes had spent the night with Steve? Were they a _thing_? Was that why Steve had taken the man's side, because they were fucking? Rage burned hot and dark in his stomach and Tony whirled around, heading back in the direction he'd just come.

Natasha tried to stop him but there was no slowing down an enraged Tony. He rounded on Steve and slammed his fist into his face hard enough to actually make the super soldier stagger. "Is that why you went with him?" Tony screamed.

The blonde soldier blinked stupidly. "What? Tony…"

The Iron Man laughed coldly and shoved Steve in the chest. "Admit it! The reason you took his side is because you're together!"

Steve raised his hands defensively but didn't try to stop Tony's tirade. "Of course we're together, Tony. He's my best friend!"

The hurt that Tony felt was horrible, it curled like a snake in his stomach and left him feeling broken, even more so than recently. "You chose him over me? You chose your fucking boyfriend over your best friend?"

Steve spluttered indignantly but Tony was gone, a flash of dark hair as he rounded the corner and disappeared into the depths of the Tower. Natasha glared at Steve and shook her head. "Excellent choice of wording, Cap. Now he believes you two are fucking each other."

Barnes burst out laughing. "Me and Steve? Yeah right! The man's seen me naked more times than my mom when I was a baby but I ain't ever sharing his bed."

"Try telling Tony that, because his entire world just crumbled around him all over again," she hissed. "And he feels more alone than ever."

Tony raced into the workshop, ordering FRIDAY to bring up his latest completed suit, feeling the cool metal slide around his body and enveloping him in calm.

"Sir, I really don't think now is the best time to be flying," FRIDAY advised.

He didn't answer her, just took off through the basement exit and took to the skies. With the whistle of air through his suit, the weightlessness, the feeling of complete freedom, it all made his pain disappear for the time being. For the moment, he was just Iron Man taking a flight over Manhattan and keeping the streets safe from bad guys.

He wasn't Tony Stark, orphaned as a young adult, left to run a company, he hadn't had a friend of the family that tried to kill him- not before paying a terrorist group to kill him, he wasn't the man whose girlfriend had left him, or whose teammates never kept in contact with him, nor was he the man who had just found out his best friend was sleeping with the man who had killed his parents.

There wasn't much going on that afternoon, which was surprising since there was always trouble in Manhattan. He circled back towards Park Avenue where his Tower was located, it was then he saw a bunch of thugs ganging up on someone. Tony flew down and landed behind the group with a thunk.

"Is that really how the younger generation of today treat fellow citizens?" Tony said, his suit making his voice slightly mechanical.

The group whirled around and saw Tony, running off before he could even get another word out. _At least they still take the Iron Man seriously,_ he thought. Their victim was a boy, no more than fourteen-years-old, maybe fifteen. He stepped out of the suit and knelt down before the lad.

"Hey there, what are you doing hanging around here?" He asked softly.

The teen looked up, face already beginning to bruise and lip split. "I…I was getting some things from the shop for my mom."

Tony didn't see any shopping around and he hadn't seen the thugs take off with anything other than what might have been the boy's wallet. "Uh huh…why don't you try the truth this time?"

The boy looked like he was about to burst into tears, and Tony felt horrible for calling the boy out on his lie. "I'm sorry, Mr. Stark! Please, don't call the cops!"

Tony blinked stupidly at him. "What? Why would I call the cops?"

"Because…I stole the wallet they took!" He moaned. "My mom…we…we struggle for money and we needed some shopping. So I took the wallet so we could get some food."

Tears rolled down the teen's face and Tony pulled him into a tight hug. "Listen to me, no one is going to call the cops, and you aren't in any trouble. Where do you live?"

The kid reeled off an address that Tony knew was in one of the roughest parts of Manhattan. He told FRIDAY to put the suit in hover mode so it would follow them from the sky, and Tony took the kid home with a plan in mind. He had never known the agony of an empty stomach more than once in his life. And that had been while in the capture of the Ten Rings, so he'd had keeping his ass alive to worry about more than his stomach.

The pair walked in relative silence, and as they neared the boy's home, he began trembling. Tony took his hand and squeezed gently. "What's your name, kid?"

"Josh, sir."

"Uh huh. And your mom's name?"

"Irene."

Tony knocked on the door of the run down looking house, the wood swinging open and a woman, far too thin and tired looking, stood in the doorway, the weak light from a single bulb illuminating her from behind. "You a cop?"

He shook his head and smiled. "No, I am not. But I am hoping to help. Can I come in?"

The woman stood back and swept her arm out, a silent invitation. Tony walked in with Josh clinging to his hand, and he didn't try shrug the boy off. He found the living room, sat on the sofa and let Josh settle next to him, shivering.

"So what you here for, if you're not a cop?" Josh's mother asked.

"Well, truth be told, I'm planning to help. Josh here was ganged up on, his wallet stolen and his money for your groceries gone with it," Tony started.

The harshness left the woman's face and she knelt before Josh. "Are you hurt?"

He shook his head. "No, mom. Mr. Stark found me and saved me."

"Indeed. Anyway, it's my understand from a little light chat with Josh that you're looking for work? Well, as it so happens, I need a secretary for my CEO of my company, and Josh tells me you're quick with a computer. So I have an offer to make," Tony said.

Irene remained kneeling on the floor, her face slack in shock. "Me? A job? Mr. Stark, I'm just a low class woman trying to raise her son."

Tony laughed and squeezed Josh's hand gently. "Indeed, ma'am. But here's the thing, good secretaries are hard to come by, and as I said, Josh says you're very good, so it is my intention to employ you. Now, all my employees are to arrive at work well dressed, so I will have my CEO take you shopping for a new wardrobe, and arrange for an apartment in a better area until you can get on your feet and find yourself somewhere far more your stature. Do we have a deal?"

There was silence in the house, Irene barely even blinked. "But…how can there be a deal when you're doing me a favour, but I'm doing nothing for you."

 _Smart lady_ , Tony thought. "There is no catch, ma'am. I knew a young boy once, he was in a bad situation and had nothing. His mother worked all hours to feed them and this boy, this hard done by lad, made sure I was safe when my suit went down and I was stranded. I suppose you could say I'm passing the kindness on. There is one small stipulation though, I don't know the situation with Josh's father, and it isn't my business to ask. However, if I find that he has been stealing wallets again, I will take it all away before you can so much as say your son's name. He deserves far better than what he has, and while the situation is more than likely not your fault, you're his mother."

Irene burst into tears and threw her arms around her son as he too joined in the tears. Tony hashed out all the details and placed a call to Pepper, advising her of her new assistant.

"Tony! You can't just hire some random lady!" She scolded him.

Tony scowled at his phone. "It's my company, and I just did. You always said I never did anything for anyone if it didn't somehow benefit me. Well, this doesn't benefit me in any way, shape, or form."

He heard Pepper sigh and the tapping of her shoe against the floor. "Tony…how can you even trust someone you have literally just met?"

Tony growled down the phone at her. "Because I have better judgement than most people, Pepper. Especially when no one believed me about Obe and I was right! So either take her shopping for the clothes she will need, or I'll find a new CEO, Pepper. Just do this one damn thing."

"Okay, okay, Tony. Alright. Just calm down. I'm sorry, things have been a little tense of late. Do you want me to pick up the kid a few things?"

Tony smiled. "Yeah, thanks, Pep. I owe you one."

He disconnected the call and booked the mother and son in a hotel for a few nights until he could locate an apartment for them. It was one act of kindness he could bestow upon these two people, and for a while, it eased some of the pain in his heart. He called the suit back and flew home, stowed the suit away and found Nat in his workshop waiting for him.

"Have a nice flight?" She asked.

Tony nodded and took the mug of hot chocolate she held out to him.

"So the call I just got from your ex-girlfriend about you hiring some random, down on her luck mom had nothing to do with you disappearing?"

"Not directly. I found her son being beaten so I stepped in. She needed a job, Pepper needed a secretary so it seemed like a win-win situation."

She smiled and sauntered out of the workshop. "I'm proud of you, Tony. Clint's looking for you, he's in his nest."

Tony drained the scolding chocolate and took the elevator to Clint's floor, opened the ventilation grate in his room and climbed in. "Nat said you wanted me?"

Clint peered down from his position and nodded. "I just wanted you to know that I wasn't spying on you. It was more for my state of mind, to make sure you were doing okay. But I guess I made a bit of a pig's ear of it if you've barely been sleeping. I suppose, what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry I never said I was here, maybe an ear would have been useful."

Tony cocked his head, jaw working as he tried to form words. "It's okay. I…I'm actually just relieved to know that someone cared enough to check in on me. Clint…I have to ask…did you know? About my parents?"

The archer shook his head instantly and climbed down to where Tony was until they were both stood on carpet. "No, Tony. I didn't know. I would have told you straight away."

He hugged Clint quickly and left his room, hearing the bird brain climb back in the ventilation and it shook a laugh out of him. The day he didn't find Clint shuffling around in his ventilation would be the day that the world ended and he would declare the man insane.

 **Good evening, dears. So here we have chapter two. I understand a few of you might be a little confused as to the sudden bout of kindness in Tony, but bear with me. A little OOC, maybe. But it has a reason for being there.**

 **I can't tell you how much time you'll have to wait for the next chapter. I'm trying to remain at least two chapters ahead, so that if I have a bad week, y'all don't lose out. But until then, leave me a little love :)**


	4. Confrontation

**Well, hello my little darlings. We're back with chapter three of our lovely journey, so why don't we see what our favourite people have been up to?**

 **As always, all Marvel places, persons and things etc belong to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. No copyright infringement is intended, and no money is being made from this story.**

Chapter Three- Confrontation

All the anger, pain and hurt that Tony had been bottling up for so long finally spilt over a few days later. He was down in his workshop, naturally, when his AI had notified him that Barnes was in the elevator on his way down. Tony sighed and put away the equipment he had been using so he wouldn't be tempted to throw any of it at Barnes' head. Which was really a testament to how seriously he was taking his promise to Clint, despite his desire to put on the suit and go a few rounds with the Winter Soldier.

The soldier stepped out and nodded in his direction. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm having some issues with my arm."

Tony snorted. "I'm not a doctor, Barnes."

"My metal one," he clarified, his lips twitching ever so slightly.

Oh. Right. The bionic arm. The one thing that would be in Tony's area of expertise, and meant that he wouldn't be able to bow out of helping him. Because that would only bring Clint and Natasha down on him, and he couldn't handle the spy throwing him that disappointed look she got when he did something that she didn't agree with. Or Clint giving him the sad face if he broke his promise, which left him with one option.

"Fine. Sit down."

Tony grabbed his tool kit, and pretending to not be a little eager at finally getting to look over the arm that had both haunted his nightmares and gave him wet dreams about such an amazing piece of technology. A first look over told him that it was made of a variety of durable alloys, nothing that Tony could pin down to one specific metal, but it was definitely like nothing he had ever seen before. And to say it had been repaired, it looked exactly like the original. Which begged the question, was it a whole new arm, or had someone rebuilt it from what was left?

And that brought more questions, because the only people Tony knew had this technology were HYDRA agents, and if that were true, then how had Steve gotten them to rebuild the arm without having Barnes brainwashed to becoming the Winter Soldier again? But, if that weren't the case, who the hell had that kind of technology? Tony might brag about his intelligence, but he had reason to. He was one of the smartest people on the planet.

But they were all questions for another time, right now, he had a bionic arm to repair. Each groove in the metal was specifically spaced out to give him maximum movement, and flexibility given he was carrying an arm that was a damn sight heavier than his right one. Tony guessed that being a super soldier, with super serum meant that carrying a metal arm around all day was nothing out of the ordinary for Barnes.

The arm responded to every need that Barnes had, it functioned like a regular, flesh and blood arm. With the added bonus of strength, durability and so much amazingness that Tony's brain was in danger of short circuiting in his desire.

"Exactly what problems are you encountering with it?" Tony asked brusquely, pulling out a couple of screwdrivers from the kit, a miniature soldering iron and some pliers.

Barnes shrugged. "I think it's something to do with the receptors in it. Sometimes I go to pick something up and either it grabs so hard the item is crushed, or it just sweeps out and knocks things to the floor."

Tony nodded and found the seal that would allow him to lift off the cover and check the circuitry. It wasn't as easy as Tony had imagined it would be to jimmy the metal covering open. It was delicate work, Tony couldn't take the risk of his screwdriver ploughing into the arm and damaging the wiring. There was no telling if he had the parts needed to do that kind of repair work.

He nearly started foaming at the mouth when he saw all the circuitry, and Tony couldn't see anything that might have been misfiring. But the wiring itself was vastly complicated, and there was so much going on at once, he was amazed nothing had gone into power shortage. Next he checked over the receptors, pressure pads and came across the part of the arm that he been designed for it to filter touch and send the signals back to the brain.

"Uh…so you can feel things with this hand?" Tony asked.

Barnes nodded slowly. "Yes, I can feel warmth and cold, I can differentiate between most materials on touch alone. However, I register no pain in the arm, so if you were to pour boiling water on my hand, I wouldn't be in pain."

Tony had to admit he was impressed with the technology. There shouldn't be anything this far advanced in the world but there was, and Tony was working with it. Just a shame it was attached to someone he hated. But, he was a mechanic through and through and he had to see how it all worked, which meant he was going to have to fix Barnes.

Small price to pay to learn about the arm itself and how it functioned. "From what I can gather, there's some sort of connection problem with your pressure receptors. So I'm going to attempt a recalibration, and if that doesn't work, then I'll have to consider putting in new ones. Now, obviously, that kind of tech isn't something that I have just lying around, so there's a chance you're going to have to put up with it for a little longer until they get here, but let's try the recalibration for now, and we'll go from there," Tony explained, feeling oddly generous and not using full Tony-tech-mode language.

Barnes didn't even bother to make the attempt to pretend he fully understood what Tony meant, if the confused expression was anything to go by. Tony grabbed a hand held machine, attached it to the receptor pad, ran the calibration and kept his gaze anywhere but at Barnes' face while the test ran. A small beep signified the end and Tony gave a small nod.

"I want you to squeeze my fingers with increasing pressure until I tell you to stop," he grumbled.

The soldier did as he was told and took Tony's hand, squeezing bit by bit until the mechanic told him to stop and his hand was released as if Tony had been scalded. "Thank you."

Tony replaced the cover the protected the very complicated wiring, locked it all in place and made sure that Barnes could flex his fingers slowly, pick things up with any problems and that the arm hadn't become slugging to respond with his tinkering.

"So you can feel the warmth of my hand, can you tell if it's skin, if you weren't looking?" Tony asked, unable to keep his curiosity contained any longer.

"Yes, I can."

Tony scowled at him and all but yelled at Barnes to get out of his workshop. Barnes went silently, a hurt expression on his face, but at least Tony had helped him, and it was probably more than the soldier had expected. His eyes held something thoughtful, that Tony had asked more questions about the arms capabilities than he had thought the man would.

"Boss, it's been several hours since you last ate. I must insist that you go find sustainable food," FRIDAY spoke once Barnes had disappeared from his sight.

Tony swore and threw down the screwdriver in his hand and shoved his stool under the desk. "Alright, mother."

He headed for the kitchen and pulled out some left over pizza, shoved it in the microwave and rolled his eyes when Steve walked in. Seemed like the only safe place was his workshop and FRIDAY enjoyed kicking him out of it on a regular basis. God damned AI needed to have her protocols looked at, he was sure that he never programmed her to be this commanding of his ability to get himself food.

The microwave pinged and Tony had to temper down the urge to jump at the sudden noise. He sat down with his pizza and did his best to ignore the presence of Steve in his kitchen, which really wasn't too easy considering he was eyeballing Tony as he ate. Tony made it through one slice before his temper got the better of him.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" He barked.

Steve flushed and looked away. "Sorry…it's been so long since I've really seen you, I guess I was just making sure you're okay."

Tony looked at him incredulously and burst out laughing. "Okay? Okay?! You fucked off out of my life with that bastard, sent me a shitty letter and a phone, reappear after a year asking for my help and then have the audacity to check that I'm okay?"

The super soldier blinked rapidly, blue eyes sad and just not something Tony wanted to deal with right now. "Tony…please…I know you're angry with me, and you have every right to be…"

"You're damn fucking right I do! You left me! In Siberia! Without even a backward fucking glance! You ran off with that fucking murderer and blew our friendship out of the water like it was nothing! And let's not forget about the fact you went nuts with that shield and almost took my goddam head off!"

Steve ran a hand through his hair and leant against the counter, his face weary. "Tony…our friendship means the world to me. But please, try to understand where I'm coming from. Bucky has been forced to do some seriously terrible things, and he wasn't in control. I know he killed Howard and your mom, and I understand the absolutely shattering pain you must feel at that, and it hasn't helped that I didn't tell you."

And that was the brunt of it all, wasn't it? That was the cause of all Tony's anger and hurt. Steve had known all along that Tony's parents had been murdered, knew that it hadn't been a simple car accident that no one could have seem coming, not a bad night for driving and their car just span out of control. No, that was all a lie, and Steve had known.

"Hasn't helped? Did you think it would be all hunky-dory that you kept that little morsel of information from me? That I wouldn't mind, or that I might understand?" Tony hissed.

Steve sighed in frustration and banged his hand on the counter. "Damn it, Tony, yeah! I thought that eventually you might calm down and realise that even though I was wrong, that I'd done it to protect you!"

"Protect me from what?! From knowing the truth behind how my parents died? That someone put my mom and father on the HYDRA hit list? Because it hurt me a lot fucking more that my best friend knew all about it and didn't tell me until he had no alternative but to!" Tony yelled.

The blonde lowered his gaze. "Tony…I know I shouldn't have kept it from you. But I thought I was doing a kindness in not reopening an old wound."

"You did me an injustice, Steve. I had every right to know the truth behind their deaths. That HYDRA had them killed for a reason I still have no clue about. Your _Bucky_ ," he spat. "Beat my father to death, smothered my mom and he remembers all that, but he doesn't remember why he was ordered to kill them? Were you ever going to tell me?"

The look on Steve's face and the pause he took before forming an answer was all Tony needed to know that if Steve never had to tell him, he would have taken it. "If I could have avoided it…no, probably not. I didn't want you to have to experience the truth that your parents had been killed. You had already reconciled years ago that your parents were in a horrible freak accident, and the last thing I wanted was to rehash all of that for you. All of that pain and sadness."

Tony's face was red, his eyes blazing in his anger, and his lips pinched to a thin, white line. "You don't get to decide that. All the time you kept that information to yourself, I could have already found out who put them on HYDRA's hit list. Instead, the person who did it might already be dead, have escaped or wiped all trace of themselves ever being linked to the crash."

His voice was soft, barely above a whisper, and the only indication of just how furious he was. There was only one other time that anyone had heard that tone of voice, and he wasn't in the Tower.

"Tony…I'm sorry…please…I did what I thought was best at the time," Steve pleaded desperately.

Tony stood slowly, almost calmly. "You do not get to make decisions about another person's life."

Steve raised his hands defensively, standing straight. "I know, and I'm sorry."

The genius advanced, his movements stiff, as if he were calculating each one of them. But it was the exact opposite. "How many other secrets have you kept? How many other people don't know the entire story of their life because you hid something from them?"

Steve didn't see the blow until it connected with his face. Tony punched the super soldier in the face with everything he had, snapping his head to the side and an angry, red welt appearing. "Tony, please…no one knew it was about the serum!"

Tony froze mid-swing in a second punch. Serum? It was about the serum? "What?"

Steve paled and struggled to find his words. "Well…I mean…it…your parents were targeted…because of the serum Howard created. The serum that created me."

Pain filled Tony's face and his brown eyes dulled, as if losing the life from them. "My mom was killed because my father had to play hero? My mom died for some fucking serum that HYDRA wanted?"

Steve nodded. "Bucky told me, after we left Siberia. He remembered why he had been sent on the mission, and what he was to retrieve."

"Just another time you didn't call to tell me what was going on. Didn't tell me the truth of the situation."

The super soldier sighed and tugged on his hair in frustration. "Tony…I don't know how many times I can apologise before you'll start to believe me."

Tony delivered a series of punches to Steve's face and panted harshly at the exertion, his knuckles already bruising and starting to swell. "I will _never_ forgive you for this!" He hissed and walked away.

Natasha tried to stop him in the hall but he pushed past and went straight for the elevator. But instead of heading for the workshop, he went to the eighty-fifth floor, got out, and went up to the roof. Only once he was safely ensconced outside, with the wind to drown him out, did Tony let out his scream of pain, tears falling from and arms wrapped around himself.

From behind the glass, Barnes watched as the man fell apart, and his own heart broke for the pain he had caused. There was nothing he could do that would make up for what he had been forced to do, no amount of regret that could ever bring Howard and Maria Stark back to life. So instead, he cried, silently, with the mechanic screaming in agony outside.

 **So there you have it my sweet darlings, chapter three of our journey. I do so hope you're enjoying the ride. You've all been so wonderful with your reviews, they give me so much motivation to work on this it's unbelievable. So thank you**

 **Until next time, my lovelies.**


	5. The Truth of the Matter

**Well hello there. What's this? Oh it's chapter four. Just thought it might be a nice little surprise for a lazy Sunday. For those that really like the Tony Bucky pairing, might I suggest you go read One Hydra Head at a Time, then the sequel, One Hollow Heartbeat at a Time. The sequel updates every Sunday and Wednesday, and it's one of the best Avengers fics I've ever read. Also, there is Damaged Defenders, but that has no non-canon pairings, but is a fantastic read.**

 **Well, that's me done with suggestions. On to the chapter. As always, all Avengers places, persons and things belong to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, no copyright infringement is intended, and I make no money from this story.**

Chapter Four- The Truth of the Matter

A double blow came for Tony in the same day. Natasha cornered him in the main sitting room and demanded to know why Tony had resorted to punching Steve in the face, and what argument could have caused such a violent reaction from him. Tony made no pretence of why he'd put the bruises there, and Clint had arrived to try and calm the situation down. The result from that conversation was not what the archer had been prepared for.

"God damn it, Nat! He knew why they were killed! The fucker couldn't even ring me to give me the information," Tony yelled.

Natasha sighed. "What exactly would you have done with the information, Tony? The serum was taken over twenty years ago, the trail would have been long dead and there would have been nothing for you to chase after."

Tony stared at her like she had three heads. "Nat…are you being serious? This is me! There isn't any such thing as a cold trail, there isn't anything that I can't find. To you the trail might have been dead, but to me, there could have been something I could have found."

"So to take out your frustration you try to beat him up? Not only is he a _super soldier_ , Tony, he is also your friend!" She snapped at him.

"He knew things he should have told me!"

"I knew as well, Tony! Does that mean you're going to punch me in the face?"

Tony opened his mouth spit out an answer when her words registered in his brain. "You knew?"

Natasha seemed to realise her slip up, eyes sliding shut and she groaned. "Yes, I knew. It was me that told Steve, and he made the call not to tell you, so you wouldn't be hurt by finding out your parents had been killed. It was while Steve and I were taking down HYDRA and the helicarriers that were set to kill millions of people."

Tony ignored the jab about the millions of people, still stuck on the fact that Natasha knew, told the Cap and neither of them told him. Betrayal blossomed in his heart, eating away at him and his vision blurred. "Nat…why didn't you tell me?"

"Cap asked me not to, I took my orders for what it was- an order to protect our friend."

"Since when was he your fucking boss? Last I checked the only person Natasha Romanov answered to was herself!" He bellowed, blinking away the tears, chest constricting and fighting back sobs.

Clint stepped forward and Tony waited for the archer to go stand beside his friend, but he took Tony's elbow and squeezed gently. "Breathe, Tony. Deep breaths now."

A panic attack was beginning and the last thing he wanted was Tony out cold on the floor, where others could pity him. Tony Stark hated pity, and Clint knew it. Natasha stepped forward to help, but Clint shot her a look. "You should have told him, Nat. You, of all people, should have told him."

The red head sighed and lowered her gaze before rolling her shoulders. "Maybe I should, but like Cap said, I was protecting my friend."

Tony laughed hysterically, tears dropping to the floor. "Protecting me…you all seem hell bent on protecting me, but no one stops and asks me what I want. What I can handle. Some friends you turned out to be. Get your things and get the fuck out of my Tower."

Natasha stopped a moment and stared. "What?"

Tony looked up at her. "Get out of my house! Get your shit and get out! I don't want you here! I never needed any of you! Now get out!"

He shrugged Clint off, and the archer let go, not taking it personally. Tony stared Natasha down, as if asking her to defy his request, because right now, he was sure that he would give her a damn good run for her money. Acrobatic skills or not, he was pissed. And a pissed Tony was a fucking dangerous one.

FRIDAY sealed off the elevator so Tony couldn't get access to his suits, and Clint took a harder grasp of Tony's elbow to stop him flying off the handle at her. "Tony, just think about this for a moment. With the Avengers supposedly no longer including you, this is the last place that anyone is going to think to look for them. If you throw them out now, they're as good as dead."

The look in Tony's eyes frightened the archer, the mad, I-don't-give-a-fuck look. "Why should I care about them when they clearly haven't cared about me?"

Clint's thumb rubbed against Tony's inside elbow. "Tony, I know you. You don't want their deaths on your hands. Just take a moment, try to calm down and think straight for me."

He fought against it, the soothing way Clint spoke to him, the physical touch that always worked, and knew to a degree, that Clint was playing him in order to calm him down. And in that moment, Tony wasn't sure if he was grateful or resentful.

But the archer was right, there was no way that Tony would be able to live with himself if something happened to any of them, no matter how furious he was. The panic slowly ebbed until Tony could breathe and think clearly. "Go away," he whispered.

Natasha looked at him sadly. "Tony…please try to understand, having to bring this to you, it would have crushed you."

Tony laughed coldly and shook his head. "Maybe, but I would have had my friends around me to support me. Instead, they chose to lie to me, withhold things from me."

"Because we love you, Tony."

"No, because you were too afraid to tell me. You were protecting yourselves from having to deliver something like that, you spared yourselves with no thought for me. So, unless you actually want throwing off the roof, I suggest you go away, leave me alone," Tony said calmly.

She nodded sharply and walked from the room, her boots making soft footfalls on the floor. Tony waited until he couldn't hear her anymore before allowing his legs to fold, Clint dropping beside him and enveloping him in a hug.

"It's okay, Tones. Just breathe."

Tony nodded and let his head fall on Clint's shoulder. "What the hell is it with people keeping things from me?"

"I don't know, man, but we'll sort it all out. We'll get to the bottom of what happened that night, I promise you, we'll find out the truth," Clint swore softly. "But…Tony, you need to try and get past this. I know you're hurt, believe me, I understand. I do. Please, Tony, you're angry and that's understandable, but it's tearing you apart. How can you focus on finding out who put your parents on the hit list if you're too busy being angry with people who knew?"

He wanted so badly to let it go, he desperately wanted his friends back, for things to be how they were. But how could he not be angry? Steve, and now Nat, had made a conscious decision to keep information about his parents' deaths from him, to keep him in the dark. That wasn't something he was ever going to be able to forgive easily.

He sighed and climbed to his feet, tugging Clint up as well. "Baby steps, Bird Brain, I'm keeping my promise to you, aren't I?"

Clint laughed and nodded, yanking Tony in for another hug. "Yeah, you are. Go tinker with your suits, Fly Boy. I'll make you Laura's soufflé."

Tony grinned and slapped Clint a high-five before running off for his workshop like a kid hunting for presents. He took the elevator down and ordered FRIDAY to keep out Steve and Natasha for the time being. An hour later, Clint dropped off two hot soufflés, and Tony demolished them in seconds, practically inhaling the delicious meal.

Later that day, Barnes came down to the workshop and stood by the elevator until Tony spotted him. "What is it this time? The receptors again?"

Barnes approached, arms folded over his chest. "No. I came here to tell you not to take your anger out on Steve."

Tony snorted loudly and dropped his wrench. "Don't bother trying to defend your boyfriend, Barnes. Despite my intense dislike of you, our fight wasn't anything to do with you, so keep your beak out."

"No, Steve isn't my boyfriend, but he is my friend. And I don't want him getting beat on by his friend because of a mistake he made."

"It wasn't a mistake, Barnes. He made a choice to not tell me how my parents really died. That's on him. Now get the hell out of my workshop."

The soldier shifted and lowered his arms, his gaze thoughtful. "I know you're angry at me, not Steve. If it hadn't been me that had done it, would you have been nearly as angry if it had been another HYDRA soldier?"

Tony opened his mouth to snap at him, but the soldier was right. Tony was angry because it had been Barnes, he was angry because it had been Steve's friend. What if it had been another soldier, and Tony found out, would he have been as furious at Steve for not telling him the truth?

"Barnes, you're not my therapist. The fact I am barely tolerating having you here is testament to my self-control, but if you keep pushing me, I'll throw you from the damn Tower roof. So, get the hell out of my workshop."

Tony was forced to look up slightly when Barnes stood right in front of him. "You wouldn't last five seconds against me, Stark. We both know that. Your reactor might have blown my arm off, but without the suit, you're defenceless. So don't make threats that you can't follow through on," Barnes sneered down at him.

The mechanic smirked darkly. "Believe me, soldier, I wouldn't need the suit. You might be the brawn, but I'm the brain and when it comes to weapons, I'm the top dog. Get the fuck out of my workshop."

Barnes' lips twitched, making Tony frown before the super soldier shrugged, smirked and walked to the elevator like they hadn't just verbally sparred. He could honestly say he was confused, but Barnes wasn't going to come into his territory and tell him what to do. If he thought Tony was giving Steve a hard time now, then he really wasn't going to be prepared for Tony actually losing his temper with someone.

 **And this concludes chapter four. I'm not 100% happy with this chapter, but if I spend any more time tweaking it, I'll never be ready to post it. So I do hope you didn't think too badly of it. Until next time :)**


	6. HYDRA Returns

**Hello everyone, please accept my sincerest apologies in the delay of posting this chapter. Unfortunately, due to some incidents at work, I have been forced into demoting from shop manager to assistant manager, as such, I've had to take a massive pay cut and life has gotten so far on top of me that I lost all motivation for anything.**

 **I implore you all to bear with me, and please try to understand that if updates are a bit on the sparodic side, then it is because I am either working a ridiculous amount of hours to keep myself in a home, or I am struggling to even adult on a good day. And I really do not want to force this story, because it will lose all of its goodness. So I beg you all to just be patient with me, and please do not demand more chapters. They will come, I promise, just have a little patience.**

 **As always, all Avengers places, persons and things belong to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made from this story.**

Chapter Five- HYDRA returns

Tony's desire to hide away in his workshop was stolen from him when Pepper sent him a demand to attend a charity function that night, and to bring the Avengers, showing New York that they were still together and standing as one- something that they were quite clearly not doing.

Plus, it had been some time since they had been sighted as a team and no doubt people were starting to question if the Avengers even still existed.

But it boiled down to publicity and if the world could see the Avengers together, there was always less of a chance that another maniac was going to come and try take over the world. So Tony agreed and called a meeting in the kitchen with the rest of his current guests.

Steve had elected to drag Barnes along for it, leaving Tony stood stony faced, a muscle in his jaw ticking dangerously as he fought to hold his tongue in check. Once everyone had assembled, Tony began.

"There's a charity function happening tonight, here in New York, and Pepper thinks us attending, as the Avengers, would send a message that we are still together, still strong. She has a point- the publicity would do us some good since we've been silent for over a year."

Clint nodded slowly. "She has a point, yeah. Your charity events usually draw news crews from all over, so it would certainly get the message out."

"Yes, it would. So, tonight, you'll all dress to impress, be there at the function, and do our part to look like the perfect team, still standing together and having each other's backs." The sarcasm in Tony's voice was strong, but no one made comment on it, not even Vision.

Steve sat back in his seat and ran a hand through his hair. "And when someone asks why there's been no news of us? Why there's only been whispers and you've been holed up in here for so long?"

Tony shot him daggers but conceded it was a valid point. "We give them what they'll need to hear. The Avengers haven't been needed, and with accordance with the Sokovia Accords, we have been living our own lives until such a time as we are needed."

Vision nodded. "He is correct, given that there are many reasons why we would not have been sighted, appearing to be going along with the Accords might appease some of the people that still are against the Avengers even existing."

"But Steve, me and Bucky never signed those accords, I mean, damn, Bucky is still being hunted as the Winter Soldier," Clint argued.

He poured coffee and took a couple of sips, grimacing at the taste. "Damn," he muttered. "Yes, you never signed the Accords, however, what we can say is that you didn't agree with being controlled in where we were allowed to go, so instead, we only assemble when needed, when there is genuine peril in the world."

Barnes paced and nodded. "No, he's right, Steve," he said when Steve tried to argue the point. "Just because you didn't sign the Accords didn't mean you don't agree with the idea that the Avengers don't need to get involved with every crime in the world. So you only go to the large level events, like worm holes in the sky," he teased.

Tony had to blink several times before he was able to say anything, shocked that Barnes was actually backing him up. Huh. Weird shit did happen. "As I was saying, we attend this function, Barnes too, much as I am loath to say it."

Everything in the room ceased, all talk was silenced and every pair of eyes widened comically until Tony was slamming his cup down and growling at them all.

Steve cleared his throat quietly. "It's kind of you to include him."

"Don't insult my intelligence," Tony snapped. "I'm dragging him along because it shows everyone that Barnes isn't the Winter Soldier acting under HYDRA's command. He's James Barnes, his own man and not a threat to every living person on the planet."

Clint rounded the table and stood beside Tony. "Fly Boy's right. If it shows that we…Tony has taken him in, then it looks great, because no one sees him as a threat. It shows that he's been allowed to go free, even though he hasn't really. No offense, Buck."

The soldier waved his hand. "None taken. It also shows HYDRA that the Avengers aren't broken apart, like Zemo intended."

Tony flinched violently at the name of Helmut and drained his coffee cup, despite the foul taste. "Yeah whatever. Suit up and be ready, actual suits, not our hero ones. Pepper is sending cars for us at seven. So be ready or you'll be left here."

It took some time before Tony was prepared to even consider getting ready for the evening ahead, so he tinkered in the workshop for as long as he could. Eventually though, he was showered, dressed and prepared for the evening ahead, Tony met his guests' downstairs and there were two cars parked outside waiting for them. Clint rode with Natasha, Wanda and Vision, leaving Tony with Steve and Bucky. Talk about the fates being against him.

The ride was tense, uncomfortable and put Tony in a foul mood with a raging headache. By the time the car pulled up at the function, Tony raced from the car and barely greeted any of the gathered pedestrians and news crews outside the function building.

Only when he was halfway up the stairs did he stop and realise that he had to be showing a united front with the rest of the Avengers, and make sure that he was seen rubbing shoulders with Barnes, or nobody was going to believe that he was safe to be around.

So he waited for the others to catch him up, pasted a smile on his face, and made sure that Barnes was stood next to him so it looked good. Cameras flashed at a thousand clicks a second, damn near blinded him, but the chatter he could hear was all about Barnes being an Avenger, changing sides from HYDRA and doing good.

Once the schmoozing was over, Tony dashed inside, found the bar and ordered a triple brandy to soothe his damn nerves. He took a healthy swig, felt it burn down to his stomach and instantly began to feel a lot better. One of his old flames collared him, tried to slither around him, so Tony was forced to put her down with some harsh words and dived around to where Clint was.

"Christ on a crutch, man, I've had enough already. Pepper knows I hate these fucking things, I don't understand why she keeps insisting that I attend," Tony whined.

Clint nodded and clinked his glass against Tony's. "A-fucking-men to that, brother. I can see why you always avoided them so desperately."

People danced, spoke, drank, danced some more and it all seemed perfectly innocent, and after some time, Tony actually began to enjoy himself. He danced with Clint, laughed and rubbed shoulders with some of the high class peeps that put money in his company.

He even managed to hold a civil, five-minute conversation with Steve, with Barnes stood next to him. So all in all, Tony was feeling in a very grand mood. When asked where the Avengers were staying, Tony lied and said they were in the new facility somewhere in the States.

There was only him rattling around in his Tower, making sure that no one thought they were staying with him. The last thing they needed was any HYDRA agents, or otherwise, deciding to go storm the Tower.

A drink was placed in his hand, Tony took a sip and turned to thank whoever it was, only to find himself looking at a solid chest and thick neck. He raised his eyes and found Barnes staring at him, a slight, lopsided quirk of his lips.

"Oh fuck! Am I gonna find myself dead in thirty seconds because this is laced with poison?" Tony hissed under his breath.

Barnes went wide-eyed and shook his head rapidly. "God no! It's just brandy, the same one you've been drinking since we got here!"

Tony narrowed his eyes, took another sip, counted to thirty and nodded. "Alright, I'll take your word for it. So…this must be all very…new."

Barnes shrugged. "I've been to parties before. In fact, the last major one I was at was one your father held. When Steve found out about the serum that Howard had invented, the one that made him a super soldier."

"The one that you murdered my parents to get hold of," Tony spat and shoved the drink back in his hand, stalking off into the crowd.

The night had been going so well, too. But it went even more downhill when the doors to the room burst inwards and a group of black clad figures stepped in, their faces cloaked in balaclavas and what appeared to be face paint from where Tony was stood.

Thank god he'd brought the briefcase suit. Tony signalled to the others to be ready for a fight, these were not ordinary men, more than likely HYDRA. Someone slid the suitcase across the floor to him, he quickly knelt and hit the switch that would activate the suit. Tony felt the cool metal slide around his body, giving him the level headed calm he needed to think, and to listen to FRIDAY as she gave any relevant information.

He glanced where the briefcase had come from, and found Barnes looking at him with a steely glint in his blue eyes, a barely perceptible nod passed between them, a silent message already going through the team. This time, Tony was willing to work with Barnes to make sure that no innocents were hurt.

"Stand down," Tony ordered the strangers.

"Give us the Asset and no harm will come to anyone."

Tony spotted the speaker, the man moving to the front and removing his mask. Tony didn't recognise the face, or the voice, but since most of the original HYDRA were either dead or disbanded, it was hardly surprising there was a new face of HYDRA.

"Yeah, not gonna happen. Pack up and leave, and we'll forget this whole little skirmish happened," Tony said.

Guns were raised. "You have three seconds to comply or you will have deaths on your hands."

Tony's face plate snapped into place. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time."

"One…two…"

"Now!" Tony yelled.

He shot forward, his jets kicking in before he'd even finished the word and shooting forward, taking out the lead gunman. Wanda created a wall of energy in front of the party goers, protecting them from the spray of bullets that were fired their way. Vision, using the Mind Stone, managed to take down several of the shooters, but for every one he took out, another two appeared- HYDRA to a T.

The two did everything they could to keep the civilians safe, while Tony, Barnes, Steve, Clint and Natasha did the rest. Tony used his repulsors to blast the gunmen out of his path, Steve used the shield to knock them out, Barnes was helping him with the use of his metal arm. Clint and Natasha went hand to hand since the archer didn't have his bow and quiver with him.

There was a soft cry and Tony turned to spot a HYDRA agent with Wanda in his grasp, a gun at her temple. Tony motioned for Vision to back down, he couldn't take the risk that he was faster than a bullet, or that Vision's aim could be off. It wouldn't be the first time and he certainly did not want a repeat of Rhodey.

"Give us the Asset and she can go free."

Tony glanced back at Barnes, the idea so tempting, but it was not the kind of man Tony was. FRIDAY was already calculating the chance of a repulsor taking him out before he could pull the trigger.

"Stop, I'll go," Barnes called, hands in the air.

Steve tried to stop him, his face twisted in hurt. Tony knew he was thinking along similar lines to him, but there was no guarantee that Wanda would be safe.

"No, Steve. Wanda has done nothing but help me, I won't repay her by risking her life."

And if Tony wasn't pissed at Barnes, he was now. Going all fucking noble on them. Fuck. But if they got him, then there was not even a slim chance that he wouldn't return the Winter Soldier- it was a certainty. The attempt to save Wanda was taken out of his hands when Barnes reached them, grabbed the gunman and wrenched his arm so far up his back, Tony heard the bones in his arm snap.

Wanda fell against Vision with a soft cry, a grateful smile thrown Barnes' way. Tony faced the remaining gunmen of HYDRA. "There is no part in this where you will come out on top. Take your men and leave," Tony ordered.

The leader moved to stand in front of Tony, the mechanic's shield folding away to reveal his face. He stared into cold, brown eyes and felt nothing but burning hatred.

"We will not leave without the Asset," the leader said quietly.

Tony smirked. "Then you won't be leaving alive. I protect my friends, by any means necessary."

Tony was circled, feeling rather like the prey of a shark. "You will protect the man who killed your mother and father, in cold blood, purely because he was following orders?"

Oh man he was so close to putting this guy's lights out for good. "Yes, I will," the lie felt like ashes on his tongue. "Bucky is one of us, and we won't let him go with you so you can scramble his brains again. So go, get out of here."

In his peripheral vision, he could see Steve edging ever so slightly closer. The HYDRA agent must have realised he wasn't going to win, not this time, and turned his back on Tony to walk away. He ordered the other men to leave, and Tony was so tempted to blow his head off, but that would only bring them back and risk the innocent people at the party.

Ultimately, they all filed out and Tony called a polite end to the party, sending everyone home and an order to have a good shot of whiskey for the nerves. There was a ripple of laughter, though it was strained. Tony slipped out of the suit and sent it home, collaring Clint and telling him to get the others back to the Tower without anyone seeing.

He stayed and dealt with the press, their incessant questions and accusation of the leader of the HYDRA men about his quip on Tony's parents. Tony confirmed that HYDRA had indeed had his parents murdered, but that there were no leads on who the killer had been, that the leader was more than likely trying to rile him up so he would make a mistake.

By the time he made it back to the Tower, Tony was tired, extremely cranky and really not in the mood to deal with Barnes, who was apparently waiting for him in the kitchen. He stood, silent, hip against a counter top and simply watched Tony.

It was unnerving and irritating, and right now it was the last thing that he wanted to deal with. "What do you want?"

Barnes unfolded his arms and cocked his head slightly. "I wanted to thank you, for not giving me up to HYDRA, even though I would have gone. I would not have put Wanda in danger."

Tony snorted, poured a brandy and necked it in one. "I didn't do it for you, Barnes, I did it for Wanda. Nothing would have given me greater pleasure than to see you destroyed, but I know they would only put you back in the blender and then we'd have the murderer back on our hands again."

Barnes stepped away from the counter and moved to stand in front of Tony. "I know that, but I'm still grateful. I know when someone saves my life, and you did just that, whether you wanted to or not."

Tony barked a harsh laugh and shook his head, slipped past Barnes and headed for the elevator. "Whatever, Barnes. Your hide gets to stick around for a little longer, I guess. Just keep out of my way and maybe we'll both survive this."

The elevator doors slid shut and Barnes could no longer see Tony's stoic face, but he wouldn't forget the tiny look of gratitude that had passed between them when he had slid the briefcase across to Tony, allowing him to slip into the armour quickly. It was something small, and barely even there, but it was something and gave Barnes hope that maybe one day, Tony would be able to move on from the pain of his parents' deaths.

 **There you have it guys. Now, for something a little more exciting. My lovely and talented friend, LoopyLou992 has recently had her first book published. Please, go buy it, you will not regret it! It's a lovely story and it really is quite hot! It's called Below The Line and can be found on Amazon under the name Louisa Mae. All proceeds are going to LGBT charities, one here in the UK and one in the States.**

 **Until next time!**


	7. Burning Off Excess Energy (Tony)

**Good afternoon all! I am so very sorry for the massive delay in updating this. Things have been seriously out of control of late, and I've been working on my new book, so my apologies for leaving you all hanging!**

 **I won't make promises to update again soon because that would be unfair if I can't keep to it, but I'm working on chapter seven as soon as I'm done posting this, so I can hope there will be an update really soon. I am so very grateful to everyone for being patient, not hounding me, and sticking with me. I swear this story will not be abandoned at any time!**

 **As always, everything Marvel related, persons and placed are the property of Marvel Cinematic Universe. I own nothing, and no copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made from this story.**

Chapter Six- Burning Off Excess Energy (Tony)

When he made it back to the Tower, for the second time that night, Tony was stripped of the armour by his machinery and scrubbed a hand over his face tiredly. Fuck, he damn well hated having to attend functions, he hated it even more that it had been made public knowledge because of the news crews, it was only ever going to attract HYDRA to them, especially once they caught a shot of Barnes there with them.

He'd taken the suit back out to search the area for any sight of the HYDRA agents that had crashed his charity party. The last thing they needed was FRIDAY having to put the entire Tower into lock down because he wasn't thinking straight and didn't bother to check for anyone suspicious.

Burning with excess energy, Tony quickly changed into a pair of joggers, a tank top and headed for the gym. He had to do something that would burn off his energy, he was practically vibrating as he walked. He stopped off in the kitchen, grabbed a towel and a large bottle of water. He'd wanted nothing more than to rip those HYDRA men apart, to destroy them. Seeing how one of them had held a gun to Wanda's head, he'd seen red.

Wanda may not like him very much at the moment, especially since he was partly to blame for her being incarcerated on The Raft for a while, but that did not mean he wouldn't protect her with his life. Yes, she had been angry at him for trying to keep her locked in the Avengers compound during the search and capture of Barnes, but he had truly believed he was doing the best for her.

Maybe he had been rash in his decisions, and maybe they hadn't been the best ones he'd ever made, but he made them with good intentions, and that was really all that could be done in the time that they had been in. But, that was neither here nor there anymore. What was, was the fact that HYDRA were more determined than ever to take back their toy.

And as much as Tony would love nothing more than to be rid of Barnes, he couldn't allow them to turn him back into the Winter Soldier. It had been by some miracle that Steve had managed to beat him, well, sort of beat him. There was no telling what would happen if Barnes came back 'wiped' and back to the way he was, there was no telling if he wouldn't be stronger.

He took the elevator down to the gym level, stepped out into the vast room and was marginally surprised to find it completely empty. He'd half expected at least Steve to be down here and making his way through the infinite supply of punching bags that Tony kept in stock for him. Tony had learned very quickly to buy them in massive bulk orders, Steve could easily go through ten of them in one night, and that was on a normal night. If he had a bad day, it could be three times as many.

He dropped his towel and water near a bench and started with some stretches. The last thing he needed was to pull a damn muscle because he was too angry to stretch and dived straight into working out. He wasn't exactly twenty anymore, and his body, unfortunately, couldn't handle being thrown into an intense work out without a good amount of stretching.

Full stretched and feeling limber, Tony started easy and dropped to do some push ups. He counted out loud to himself as his mind worked overtime to process everything that had happened that night, and the days leading up to it.

 _Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten._ How long had HYDRA been rebuilding themselves that they felt safe to launch an open attack on them? Had they done it because Bruce wasn't there? Why choose the night of a charity function? It could have something to do with having most of them in one place at one time.

 _Twenty-one. Twenty-two. Twenty-three._ Who was the new leader of HYDRA? That was something Tony needed to find out and fast, it wouldn't do well to leave the man nameless when he could potentially do a lot of damage to them with the right amount of power. He made a mental note to have FRIDAY take the security footage and use facial recognition to try and get a match on the guy.

Thirty push ups and Tony switched to sit ups, keeping his routine mindless for the moment while his mind whirred away. What had made Steve think that Tony would welcome him with open arms when he'd brought Barnes with him? What had happened that drove them to come here? He knew there had to be more to it, that he wasn't being told the full story.

 _Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen._ Something else must have gone on when they had been ambushed in Siberia, or something leading up to it, if that was what had really happened. But, he couldn't see Clint lying to him. Between him and Bruce, Tony thought of them both as his brothers in all but blood. Hell, he'd thought Steve was someone he could trust and look how that had turned out.

Tony shook his head and stopped his sit ups, he really didn't want to go down the road of becoming paranoid and not trusting the others. They hadn't done anything to warrant his suspicion, or his anger. Even Wanda, with her petulant, teenage attitude, had never lied to him or given him reason to believe she was even so much as bending the truth.

He had equipment on his floor that he could work out on, but he really wanted to use the full room and go all out, he also realised he was spending far too much time in either the workshop or on his floor. And this gave him a chance to really think, instead of being tempted to just bow out and go to bed.

The very fast retreat of HYDRA bothered him greatly. In the history of all HYDRA attacks, they were not a cult that backed down easily and they most certainly did not give up. So either they had something they wanted already, or there was a very good reason for them retreating. Neither was good for them, either option left them defenceless because they didn't know just what HYDRA had, or why they had retreated.

Tony opted to switch to something a little more taxing, and moved to the pull up bar. He jumped and grabbed hold, centred himself and began. There was something niggling in the back of his mind, something that he felt was important. The problem was, Tony couldn't quite work out what it was, and that annoyed him.

No, that wasn't quite right…it wasn't important as such, but it felt like a key detail, something that would end up being a revelation. His arms burned with the effort of pulling his body up, the aching making him feel alive. The more he thought about Barnes, the more the anger he had been bottling burned in his gut, tearing a hole through him.

It still bothered him that Steve seemed to believe that he would be able to make nice with the guy when he'd done something Tony couldn't get past. Yes, he recognised Barnes wasn't really at fault, and he recognised that Steve felt like he had been doing the right thing. But there was a vast difference between recognising something, and being able to forgive it.

Forgiveness wasn't really in Tony's nature. Hell, it wasn't in Pepper's and that was probably why they had fallen apart in the end. But Barnes…Tony hated the way he moved around, the almost awkward shuffling, innocent look and soft eyes. It disconcerted Tony, made it difficult to remain angry at the guy.

Tony shook his head, clearing his head and dropping from the bar after he lost count. He opted for the punching bag, figuring that if Steve got some release from it, then maybe he would. Wrapping his knuckles in the protective bandaging, Tony began. He never heard the doors open, nor did he hear the soft voice of FRIDAY greeting them.

It wasn't long before his knuckles ached, his arms burned and sweat stung his eyes, but damn it felt so fucking good to punch the shit out of something. So good. He felt no guilt that he was envisioning Steve's faces, Barnes' or even Natasha's. His emotions burned hot in his stomach, his eyes suspiciously wet but he mentally snarled at himself.

In his anger, Tony misjudged a punch, his weight off balance, and hit the bag badly, his knuckles giving a dangerous crunch while Tony howled in pain. "Fuck!" He screamed.

A cold hand encircled his wrist. "Here, let me look."

Tony wrenched his hand free, swearing in pain. "Fuck off, Barnes!"

He told himself the wounded look didn't affect him- it didn't make him feel an ounce of guilt at putting it there. "You might have broken your knuckles."

"No shit, really? They're not broken, FRIDAY would have piped up by now."

The fuck? He was explaining things now? Tony really needed to work on keeping his tongue in check, especially if he was just spouting off the first thing that came into his head. Barnes was still studying his hand, as if his eyes would somehow be able to see under the skin and work out if there was any damage.

Tony snatched his hand back and scowled darkly. "Back off, Barnes. Go work out elsewhere."

Barnes shrugged and moved to the other side of the vast gym, taking up on some running while Tony decided to leave punching alone and take a rest, gulping his water. Five minutes' rest, a quick test of his hand, and Tony opted for a weights machine.

He watched the soldier from his peripheral vision, hatred coursing through him with each pump of his arms. Barnes moved to the punching bag and Tony took to the treadmill.

"FRIDAY, can you put the tunes on please?" He asked.

His AI complied without response, the speakers blared to life and he ran like the very hounds of hell were on his heels. His lungs burned, the muscles in his shins and thighs protested but he ploughed on until he damn near killed himself tripping over his feet.

Swearing loudly, the music shut off and FRIDAY came over the speakers. "Boss, I detect a sprain in your ankle. An ice pack would be advisable to reduce the chance of swelling."

Tony looked to the nearest camera and gave it a dark look. "Thank you, FRIDAY. I believe an ice pack would be useful."

He limped towards the elevator when Barnes stepped into his path. "Let me bring an ice pack down to you. Walking on a sprained ankle is only going to make it worse."

There was a momentary pause until Tony gathered his wits. "Oh and I suppose you'll offer to carry me back to my room next, tuck me in and sing me a lullaby. I'm a grown ass man, Barnes."

Barnes just snorted and shrugged. "Whatever. Suit yourself."

"I damn well will."

"Is this how it's always going to be?" Barnes demanded. "You constantly taking shots at me, snarking at me, and bullying Steve because he chose me over you? You're acting like a jealous lover, Stark. Is that the problem? Are you so up Steve's ass that you think you're in love with him?"

And if that wasn't all the motivation Tony needed to lose his shit. He span around, ignored the pain in his ankle and launched himself at Barnes. The solder was ready, throwing him away like a piece of trash. Tony bounced up, ran at Barnes and ducked a punch, landing one to the soldier's stomach. But it did little damage.

Barnes' fist connected with Tony's face and for a moment, his vision went black. He staggered away, giving himself a split second to recover and enough time to dodge the second punch, one that would have undoubtedly knocked him unconscious.

Blows were traded back and forth, and to his credit, Tony held his own, matching blow for blow and never giving up. Dropping to a crouch, he swung around and kicked Barnes' legs out from under him, straddled his hips and swung both fists repeatedly into Barnes' face.

His arms began to tire, his knuckles ached deeply, and his ankle screamed in protest. Finally, panting for air, his punches weakened until he might as well have been a kitten trying to be vicious. Barnes shoved him aside, fist raised and rage written all over his features.

Tony just stared, unable to bring himself to raise his arms in defence and locked his eyes with Barnes'. "Murderer," he whispered.

Something flickered in Barnes' eyes and he surveyed Tony, as if realising for the first time the amount of damage caused, and horror entered those blue eyes. "What…?"

Tony coughed and spat blood, wriggled out from under Barnes and shakily climbed to his feet. "There my point is proven. The Winter Soldier is still inside you. The murderer is still there," he rasped.

He hobbled out of the gym and into the elevator, collapsing into his room and laying on the floor, his entire body throbbing in agony. He vaguely heard the doors of his room open, someone shouting for help, FRIDAY's voice through the speakers and then nothing as he fell into unconsciousness.

 **So! We have our first bit of real action between our little scrappers. I can give a tiny spoiler in that the next chapter will be purely from Bucky's point of view, which I am hoping will be a welcome change, though it will quickly shift back to Tony in the chapter after.**

 **Thank you again to everyone that has stood by me and understood that I simply haven't had the time to work on this. Hopefully I now have the balance between working on this, and working on my book sorted out and an update won't be left for so long!**


	8. Burning Off Excess Energy (Bucky)

**Well, two updates in one day, consider this my way of apologising for such a long gap between updates.**

 **As always, any places, persons or things Avengers related belongs to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.**

Chatper Seven- Burning Off Excess Energy (Bucky)

Bucky changed out of his suit and threw the garments into the laundry with more force than was necessary. He was angry. Annoyed. Furious. In fact, he was downright pissed off, and he had every reason to be. What in god's name had they been thinking? He should never have gone with them.

He had hoped for longer, for more time, before HYDRA would come looking for him. But they had seen the lot of them together, and it showed that Stark was fighting alongside them. So now, the Tower wasn't much of a hiding place, and he was putting them all in danger just by being there.

Steve had tried to console him, but Bucky had shrugged him off, muttering that he didn't want to be coddled. What he wanted was to punch the living shit out of something. A smile crossed his face. He recalled Clint saying that the gym on the lower levels was huge, and had everything he would need should the need to decimate something come to mind. Though, decimate seemed like too polite a word, more annihilate.

With that in mind, Bucky pulled on some sweats, grabbed a towel and went down the elevator to the gym. Steve had a massive stash of punching bags, he remembered the super soldier saying so. It was exactly what he needed, to work his way through a few of those and calm down.

What he didn't need was to find Stark there, hitting at a bag all wrong. He winced in sympathy when a fist landed wrong, hearing the crack of bone from where he stood. On autopilot, Bucky went over and gently took the injured hand into his metal one, examining it for any breaks.

The hand was wrenched from his grasp, a cry of pain reaching his ears. Bucky wanted nothing more than to roll his eyes, and call Stark out on his childish behaviour. It was getting out of hand now, how many times did he have to apologise for something he'd had no control over?

FRIDAY? Oh, yes, the AI that often advised him on where the others were if he was looking for one of them, or avoiding one in particular. He should have asked to AI if Stark was here before coming down.

"Back off, Barnes. Go work out elsewhere," Stark muttered.

Bucky did roll his eyes then. Not like the gym wasn't big enough for the both of them, Christ is stretched the entire base of the Tower. But Bucky relented a little and let Stark have what he wanted. He moved to the other side of the gym and started out with some running. He set the treadmill at a furious pace, with an alternating incline/decline to put him through his paces.

He could see Stark on a weights machine, the genius quite clearly watching him while trying to not make it obvious. Bucky had to hide a smirk, lord knew that would be enough to make Stark froth at the mouth and accuse him of all sorts of fiendish things.

Stark claimed to hate him, and yet, his eyes always seemed to follow Bucky wherever he went. Stark no doubt even told himself that it was because he couldn't trust the soldier, tried to justify his actions. But the truth was, he was awed by the arm and he didn't want to admit it, and somewhere, deep in that big brain, Stark knew that Bucky wasn't to blame for the events of December sixteenth, nineteen ninety-one.

As soon as Stark made to move towards the treadmills, Bucky took off for the punching bag and really laid into it. The _smack, smack, smack_ of his flesh fist against were soothing. Sure, he punched with his metal one, but purely for rhythm, no actual hitting was needed.

Hard, loud music poured from the speakers, adding to his rhythm as his fists swung. He wasn't normally one for such a high decibel of music, but at the moment, it fit what he needed and he kept on swinging, his flesh hand giving a satisfying smack against the material of the punching bag.

So he swung, and swung, and swung, taking all his anger and frustration out on the bag, each punch bringing another image to the forefront of his mind, making his anger course more violently, his ire at being treated like a killer burning through his veins.

He dimly registered the thundering of feet, his eyes glancing at Stark to see him trying to match the pace that he, Bucky, had been on. Bucky knew it would be impossible, he had serum coursing through him, he was trained to move quickly, silently, it all lead to him being able to kill efficiently.

Bucky shut down that line of thought immediately and his attention returned to Stark. Funnily, Stark was actually keeping pace…for a bit. Then his feet got confused, somewhere, and he tripped, his ankle twisting in a way it was not designed to.

Swearing loudly, the music shut off and FRIDAY came over the speakers. "Boss, I detect a sprain in your ankle. An ice pack would be advisable to reduce the chance of swelling."

Bucky heard the AI speak, and he stopped punching, going over to Stark and making sure he wasn't too badly injured. His offer to fetch an ice pack was rebuffed, rudely, he might add.

"Is this how it's always going to be?" Barnes demanded. "You constantly taking shots at me, snarking at me, and bullying Steve because he chose me over you? You're acting like a jealous lover, Stark. Is that the problem? Are you so up Steve's ass that you think you're in love with him?"

Bucky did not anticipate such a quick and violent reaction from the billionaire. He was aware that the injury to Stark's ankle was not a simple sprain, and yet, he spun around so quickly on it, it might of well of been perfectly fine.

But it was the spin around that gave Bucky the split second to prepare himself as Stark launched at him, the smaller body colliding with his own. Smaller, but with some serious muscle, he absently noticed.

He threw Stark away from him, his metal arm shifting the man as if he weighed nothing. The genius scrambled to his feet, went at him again. Bucky threw a punch that Stark managed to dodge, ducking under it with ease.

Bucky punched with his flesh arm, the knuckles connecting with Stark's face, just on his cheekbone, and it seemed to floor the mechanic, his eyes unfocused and unseeing for a moment. Bucky threw a second punch with the intention of knocking Stark out, but he dodged it, staggering away.

Their blows went back and forth, and Bucky found himself grudgingly respecting Stark a little. He was holding his own against a highly trained assassin, even if that wasn't really him anymore. But the moves were still there, the skills, the sixth sense when it came to blocking a blow.

It was that thought of Stark's ability to keep going that caused his lapse in judgement, and he was thrown on his back, legs kicked out from under him. A body straddled his, blows connecting with his face. Something flickered in Bucky's mind and he threw a punch…with his metal arm.

Bucky made to punch him again as Stark rolled off him, but he regained…control. It was in that moment of shock that he realised the Winter Soldier had been there, taking control of him. The blow he'd been about to deliver would have killed Stark in an instant.

"Murderer."

The word reached him and his pain at it was unreal. The surging guilt and horror at coming to the conclusion that everything HYDRA had put in him was still there. He was still the assassin as much as he was Bucky.

Tony coughed and spat blood, wriggled out from under Barnes and shakily climbed to his feet. "There my point is proven. The Winter Soldier is still inside you. The murderer is still there," he rasped. Bucky didn't even try to deny it- he knew it was true. A part of him latched onto the words, ones that didn't say he was the murderer, just that the killer was inside him.

It was inappropriate to be thinking of their feud, especially when he'd been about to put an end to Stark for good, but it was something to cling on to, something that was there to keep him anchored. He watched Stark hobble away, still filled with misery at the events of the evening.

It was some time before he moved from the gym, before he actually tried to seek Steve out to tell him what had happened. He needed to seriously rethink his place in the Tower, if the Winter Soldier was indeed still inside him, then he was a danger to everyone.

The fact that it hadn't taken the selected phrases to bring the Soldier out terrified him, it meant that he could appear at any moment. Had it been the anger in him? Or maybe just the fact Stark had a knack for pissing him off? What the hell could have triggered such a violent reaction in him?

When he did find Steve, the super soldier was pale, angry, and his face was like stone. Uh oh. That did _not_ bode well.

"You wanna tell my why we found Tony unconscious in his bedroom?" Steve asked coldly. "And near death."

 **So there you have it! Two updates in one day! Aren't I just amazing? ;) hopefully I'm back on track with this and we can see more updates soon. But as always, I will ask for patience if there isn't. I write when I can, and sometimes that means I have to go several days before I can even get the chance to.**


	9. Time to Talk

**Hey all! Here we are with chapter eight! I hope are all enjoying this journey, and this ended up being a second chapter in Bucky's POV. I make no apologies, you know you all enjoy it :P**

 **As always, all places, persons and things Avengers related belongs to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. No money is being made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter Eight- Time to Talk

Bucky fought not to go on the defensive and become belligerent, but damn if Steve's expression didn't make him feel like a small child being scolded by his mother. "I didn't think I'd hit him that hard, Stevie, I swear. We…dammit he goaded me and I lost it. Is he going to be okay?"

Steve stared him down and nodded slowly. "Buck…man, he was a mess. I get that he goaded you, damn Tony has been goading everyone of late, and to be honest, I think I would lamp him one too. But I don't have a metal arm. I'm not blaming you, Buck, man I swear I'm not, just asking that you try keep a lid on the arm?"

Bucky nodded and sat next to him. "For a moment there…I was worried you were gonna tell me to get out." His flesh fingers with traced the grooves in his metal forearm, his way of fidgeting.

Shock flickered across Steve's face and his features lost their coldness. "No, Buck. I wouldn't do that. I'm damn scared, is all. Tony is in a bad way, worse than he probably looks. But it looks like he got in a few good hits…"

Bucky raised a hand to his face and his flesh fingers came away red. Huh. Looks like Stark _had_ gotten a few good hits in. "Stevie…I really need to talk to you. In the gym…something…well, something happened. And…fuck I'm scared."

Steve laid a hand on his knee and squeezed, his blue eyes open and caring. "Buck, you can tell me anything, you know that."

"In the gym…when Tony goaded me, I did so back. And our fight was…well, I suppose a bit more of a wrestle than anything. But something…Jesus, Stevie. I lost control, for a moment I wasn't me. I was…him."

It took Steve a few moments before he cottoned on. "The Soldier?"

Bucky nodded miserably. "Everything HYDRA put in me is still there, except this time no phrases were needed. Something triggered him and if I'd hit Tony a second time…fuck, I would have killed him. And he knew it. He might have used murderer to goad me, but even he recognised I wasn't myself."

Silence stretched out between them, neither daring to say anything else. Finally, Steve broke the silence and stood with a sigh. "Okay, so we need to figure out a way to make sure either the Soldier can't come back, or maybe that he can be…taught, how to be a part of you without killing."

Bucky jumped to his feet and shook his head violently. "Absolutely not! You can't trust him! The Winter Soldier isn't me, Stevie! It never was."

"Okay, okay, calm down. Whatever you think is best, Buck. We'll work through this. Tony will recover, and then we can see what he has to say on a solution to putting the Soldier to rest permanently."

An expression crossed Bucky's face that no name could be put to, a cross between a look disbelief and disgust. "Stevie, he isn't going to want to help me. He can't stand me!"

Steve laughed and gave him a quick hug. "Try and give Tony a little more credit. Yeah, he's behaved like a spoilt little bitch, and he's really pushed his luck, but he isn't a bad person, Buck. He's hurting and it really is time we took a more proactive approach into healing that hurt. Lord knows, I'm a massive cause of it, and I need to answer for my actions. I know that. And yes, you weren't you when Howard was killed, but we need to get Tony to see that."

Bucky laughed quietly, rolling his shoulders to try and ease out some of the tension. "Stevie, I don't think that's ever going to happen. I think we should think about putting me back in cryo-stasis, just for a little while, until the Soldier can be silenced."

Hands grasped his shoulders and tried to massage the tension away. "No, Buck. I'm not losing you again. We'll find a way through this."

"And what? In meantime no one is allowed to say boo to a goose in case it sets me off? Fucking hell, Stevie! What if Tony hadn't been as tough as he is? I could have killed him!"

He shrugged Steve off and stood, his hands shaking. He paced, trying to keep himself busy. "I really think we should look into cryo-stasis. It would help, keep me alive, and mean that no one would be in any danger."

But Steve wasn't going to go for it, there was no way that he was going to let him go, and Bucky knew it. And lord knew, he loved Stevie for it, but this was bigger than that. He was putting everyone in the Tower in danger. It was then that Vision appeared through the wall, making Steve jump.

"My apologies for not using the door, but I thought you would want to know that Mr. Stark is awake."

Bucky was already heading for the door and down the hall to the elevator to get to the Tower's infirmary. He needed to see Tony, to apologise for what happened. He'd been way out of line, and even though they'd goaded one another, Bucky knew he was far stronger than Tony and should have immediately walked away. If anything, the whole fight had been his own fault, there was no excuse for what he did.

Steve tried to slow him down and stop him, but Bucky wasn't having any of it. He was finally stopped when Vision was forced to restrain him, with the help of Wanda, which was a little weird since she really didn't like Tony all that much.

"Listen, Bucky, he isn't up for visitors, and he certainly isn't going to want to see you or Steve," Wanda said, her Sokovian accent still thick, the red light that was her power stretching out from her fingers.

"Wanda, please, I need to apologise," he said softly, his body completely immobilised.

She shook her head but released him from her bind, nodding to Vision to let him go. "Let me see, he might say no, and I won't force him to talk to you." He could see the reluctance in her eyes, but he hoped she could see his genuine desire to apologise for what had happened.

She slipped into the room and Bucky waited, foot tapping impatiently, his stomach rolling. The words he'd wanted to say to Tony suddenly evaded him. He dreaded going into the room and seeing the damage that he had caused to him.

Tony, who had actually let him into the Tower, even though he hated the soldier, was laying hooked up to lord knew how many machines and all because Bucky hadn't been able to keep a lid on himself. Maybe he had kept goading Bucky, even being cruel to him, but he had still allowed him to stay there, to live in the Tower, in his home and sanctuary.

And this was how he repaid the man, by beating him up. He shivered at the thought of what could have happened had no one found him. Which lead him to believe that FRIDAY had alerted someone to the state he was in, and that was why the Avengers had been able to get to Tony so quickly.

Wanda came back out of the room and levelled a glare at him that Natasha must have taught her. "By the grace of god he is willing to speak to you, but I am warning you, Bucky. If you so much as raise your voice to him, I am going to rip that arm off. Am I clear?" It was odd that Wanda was being so protective of Tony, especially since she still wasn't quite over the fact Stark Industries had been the supplier of the weapons that had killed her parents…and that Ultron had killed her brother- Pietro.

Bucky nodded vigorously, his eyes wide. It seemed Wanda's accept grew even thicker when she was pissed off. Bucky went into the room where Tony was and had to stop himself from turning tail. Tony was black and blue, hooked up to machines and wrapped in bandages. Bucky had never felt more ashamed of himself than he did in that moment.

He waited for a barrage of cold words from Tony, harsh glares or something, but he just laid there, staring at him blankly. Nothing was said, and Bucky was terrified to start off. In the end it was Tony who broke it.

"FRIDAY, seal the room and make sure the others can't interfere unless my life is in danger," Tony ordered his AI.

There was a pause while she obliged his orders. "Done, boss. No one can leave the room until you say so."

Fear sizzled down Bucky's spine, and for the first time, he was afraid of Tony. There was no emotion in his words, no flicker of anything in his eyes. He gave the order in a monotone and his eyes remained completely empty.

Still, he said nothing. If this was Tony's way of getting back at him, then he would take it. Eventually, Tony spoke to him, but there was something in his voice he hadn't heard before, and Bucky couldn't put a name to it.

Tony stared at him a little while longer. "Normally, this would be the point where I make several wisecracks and berate you for being a little shit," he started. "But the reality is that this isn't a normal situation. Whatever happened today, whatever was said, it needs to stop."

A kind of calm washed over Bucky, and his brain finally reengaged. "Yes, it does. I can't apologise enough for what happened. No matter how much we goaded each other, I shouldn't have lost control like that, I shouldn't have struck you."

Tony eyed him for a moment and shook his head. "But the truth, is that it wasn't you, was it? The Soldier is still there, still trying to claw his way out and something that was said, or done, triggered him to come out."

There wasn't anything Bucky could say to deny what Tony said, and he didn't plan on doing so. "Yes. Steve is…I told him. Everything. It was my fault. I'm…I'm going to go back into cryo-stasis, so I can't harm anyone else. If the Soldier is still in me, I can't take the chance that he won't hurt someone else."

Tony gave a sort of rasping laugh. "And here I thought you were being a man. You aren't planning to go into cryo-stasis to protect the others, you're running from what's happening, trying to hide away so that you don't have to face the fact a monster is residing in you."

Bucky sighed. "Does it really matter? The important thing is that while I'm walking around, everyone is at risk."

The Iron Man just stared at him, a look of disgust entering his hazel eyes. "You're pathetic. Here I thought you were coming in here to tell me you were going to fight this and make sure the Soldier couldn't hurt someone else. Instead, what I get is you trying to hide away. Why am I not surprised?"

"What would you have me do, Stark? Take the chance that someone else could trigger him and end up dead? What about Wanda? She might be tough but she's still only learning the full capabilities of her powers. Or Clint? He's damn good in a fight, but if he went against the Soldier, he wouldn't walk away."

Tony laughed, rasped, more like. "I did."

That pulled Bucky up short and he let out a huffed laugh. "Yeah, I'll give you that one. So what would suggest, genius?"

Tony went quiet as he mulled options over, or at least, that's what Bucky guessed he was doing. He tried not to fidget, but he ended up tracing the grooves in the metal of his left arm.

"Listen up, shiny. I am by no means your friend, and I actually really don't want to help you. But putting my friends…my family, in danger, is not acceptable. So, once I'm healed, I will see what can be done about locking away Soldier for good. In the meantime, you will work with someone, someone who can stand up to the Soldier, and go through every word of earlier, and find the trigger," Tony said. "When you figure it out, bring the info to me, or have FRIDAY relay it to me."

"I don't…"

"Barnes, this is a one-time offer. Don't fucking make me regret it by being a bitch ass little girl. Take control of what's happening, accept that they Soldier used your body to do horrible things, but remind yourself that…that it wasn't you."

Bucky cocked his head and tried to read between the lines. "Like your parents?" He whispered.

Sadness filled Tony's eyes and he swallowed several times before he was able to answer. "Yes, like your parents. Now get outta here, a man needs his beauty sleep. I can't look this good and stay awake at all times."

There was a moment between them, a sort of…understanding, if you will. Although Bucky knew that Tony was by no stretch of the imagination offering friendship, he did understand that it was a form of olive branch, an attempt to…apologise? For what had been said in the past.

There was one thing Bucky was grateful for as he backed out of Tony's room to let him sleep, he hadn't been called a murderer, and maybe Tony was somewhat beginning to accept that Bucky may have committed the murders of Howard and Maria Stark, but they hadn't been by choice, and he wasn't really himself when they took place.

He acknowledged it would be foolish to think of the Soldier as another entity, in a way, it was an extension of him. But for the moment, he was content to leave them as separate people. Bucky was by no means a killer, and there was something that had triggered him, that had brought Soldier out in him, but once they found it, then maybe there would be a way to make sure Bucky stayed as he was now, and not turning.

Bucky knew that he would never be the man he was when Steve was still just a weed, before he went to war, before the torture he had endured to have all feeling wiped away and become a senseless killer.

But, there was a chance that he could be happier, that he wouldn't feel like he should walk on egg shells all the time, keep apologising for things he remembered but knew he hadn't done. Maybe, just maybe, he could smile naturally again, and live a life he wanted, not one of hiding all the time. Yes, he had been revealed at the charity function, but he knew that was staged to a degree, and that Tony did not see him as a member of the team.

Perhaps, though, there would be a day that he wouldn't be considered a danger, and the others might be a little more accepting of him. He counting one thing as a win though, he'd walked out of Tony's infirmary room with his life intact and no one had gotten hurt. That was definitely a win. He chuckled to himself and spent the rest of the afternoon helping Vision and Wanda do some cleaning, keeping out of the way.

 **So there is chapter eight! I understand that some are seeing this as Bucky and Soldier are separate entities, like he is an alien. No, that is not the case. It's more of a coping mechanism, for the time being.**

 **See you all next time! Oh! and I finally have a new job! I get to leave the one I've had for the last three years and no longer have to worry about fourteen hour shifts and working a ridiculous amount of hours each week! So, all being well, in a couple of weeks I should have a lot more time to write!**


	10. Finding the Trigger

**Right, so I'm back, and yeah, it has been a really long time! I'm sorry about that, life has really gotten me stuck in the mud and I've struggled to get things back on track. But here I am, and hopefully back to stay. Enjoy chapter 9 of this story! As always, I make no money from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Chapter Nine- Finding the Trigger**

Tony watched Clint pace around his infirmary room, clearly running through the ideas and optioned that he had thrown at him. For the first time for as long as he could remember, he was worried how he was seen by this man he had come to call a brother of sorts.

"Clint...do you think I've been behaving like a spoiled shit?" He asked quietly.

Hawkeye paused in his pacing and blinked several times before he answered. "I wouldn't go so far as to say you've behaved spoiled, Tony. But I would say that you have been too hard on Buck. I know you dislike him and your reasons aren't invalid, but at the same time, you have to accept that he was not in control the night your mom died."

Tony raised his head and smiled tightly. "I know, Clint. I know that I shouldn't be so bitter towards him, but I can't help it. Just seeing him makes my blood boil and I want to wring his neck."

Clint laughed and shook his head. "Some days I want to wring your neck, Tony. Just...try to give him a chance to prove he isn't the asshole you think that he is."

There was a soft snort and Clint glared until Tony partially relented. "Alright, I'll try not to give him such a hard time. Christ, Bird Brain, you really know how to ride someone don't you?"

The excellent archer just shrugged and threw a grunt his way. After some time, they wrapped up their ideas and Clint left so that Tony could get some more rest. While he was healing nicely, he still had a long road before he would be declared a hundred percent fit again.

With his departing came Barnes' arrival and Tony felt a vein in his forehead start to throb slightly. But Clint's voice rang through his head so he took a deep breath and pasted a minute smile on his face. "What can I do for you, Barnes?"

Barnes shuffled foot to foot for a moment. "I just came to see how you were recovering. And to ask if you had made any headway on working out what happened that day?"

Tony shuffled around until he was more propped up. "A little. Why don't you take a seat, shiny, before sparky fingers out there can blow an aneurysm?"

It appeared that Barnes was trying hard not to burst out laughing, but he took the chair and rested his elbows on his knees. "Okay, so what have you figured out?"

"Well, we've worked out so far that the only person who can really stand up to your strength is Thor. I don't really want Sergeant Red, White and Blue involved right now, and there's too much of a risk that Bruce could Hulk out and kill you, along with everyone else."

Barnes nodded as he spoke, and Tony could see the burning intelligence behind those normally cold, blue eyes. For once, Tony did not have the burning desire to rip the super soldier to shreds, but there was the ever-present urge to be heavily sarcastic.

He bit his lip though, and carried on explaining his ideas, the plans they had made with Clint and everything else that had come up. At the end of it all, Barnes rose and hovered awkwardly. "I just...I'm really grateful that you're willing to help me. If there's anything I can do, tell me."

Nothing more was said and the door softly closed as Barnes left. Tony rubbed his chin thoughtfully and grimaced as bristly stubble dragged across his hand. "Need a shave," he mumbled.

-oo0oo-

The day finally came when Tony was released from the infirmary and he could not have been happier. Staring at the same four walls had begun to drive him crazy and he itched to get back to his lab. The cast wasn't allowed to come off just yet, but Tony supposed he could live with that if it meant that he could escape that cold and clinical room.

First port of call was straight to his lab where he ran his hands over the smooth metal of his suits and sighed when he could smell the oil and grease in the place. He called up the plans to pitch Thor against Barnes and went over them again, making sure that the gym room could withstand the two of them going head to head.

Now that he looked through it all, Tony began to doubt if there even was an actual trigger or it was just Barnes' subconscious reaction to being provoked. But in the name of science, he had to find out.

His thoughts were interrupted when Bruce knocked gently on the glass wall and entered the code. "Hey, they said that you were finally up and about. Given up on the woe betide me act?"

Tony laughed. "Yeah, absolutely, couldn't take having to pretend I was in constant pain and that my cast bugged the shit out of me."

Bruce lightly rapped on the plaster cast and laughed. "Uh huh, sure. Are you going to explain to me why it takes you nearly getting killed for you to talk to me?"

"Come on, Brucie, you know I've been busy with, well, stuff. You're always welcome here, man, it's not like you need a written invitation. Everything that's been going on with Barnes has had me busy and…I don't know. I just locked myself away, I guess."

Bruce cleared off a counter and directed Tony to sit on it, shutting down his protests at being evaluated by the doctor. He ran all his tests he normally ran when he came to visit and also checked his blood for any poisoning from the chest piece.

He worked in silence, knowing Tony was growing more uncomfortable at the lack of communication, but he was thinking, and slightly upset that Tony hadn't bothered to let him know that Barnes was back, and in the Tower with him.

Tony stuck it out for a solid fifteen minutes before he caved. "God damn it, Bruce! Will you cut the cold shoulder and at least yell at me?"

Bruce laughed and took off his glasses. "I'm not gonna yell at you, Tony. I'm not your father but I can't deny I'm not miffed you didn't tell me Bucky was here. I would have been here for you."

"To do what? Tell me to calm down and stop giving him a hard time? Check my blood pressure so I don't keel over?" He snapped.

The doctor rolled his eyes and put away his kit. "Probably all of the above, but at least I would have been here. You know I like Barnes, but there's no doubt I wouldn't have stood at your back."

Tony nodded and gave him a quick hug, going to work on his newest suit, albeit slowly now that he was hindered by having one hand out of commission. He was soothed by the presence of Bruce in the lab and for some time, he forgot all about the man who had killed his parents and the deep ache in his chest at the Avengers drifting apart after their spat.

He thought back to the Accords, ran over all that happened and came to the conclusion that at the time he thought he was fighting for what was best for them all, before there were chains put on them all. Only allowed to attend disasters that the UN saw fit, and that wasn't what the Avengers Initiative was about.

But now, when he looked back over it, he began to see that Steve was probably more right than he had originally thought the super soldier to be. That making them sign the Accords and bending to the will of General Ross would have spelled disaster for them all, and somewhere, deep in his heart, he couldn't help but fear that Ross would have used the Accords to get his hands on Bruce again.

Tony hated himself for not thinking of that, for not realising that even though he was trying to do the best for the team, he was in fact putting them all in danger. The Accords would have left them unable to help those they wanted if told not to, and to go against the UN would have resulted in prosecution and a lifetime sentence to The Raft.

He looked at Bruce and rushed over, hugging the man tightly and inhaling his scent, allowing himself to be held for a moment. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Bruce rubbed his back. "Tony, just because you didn't tell me Bucky was here doesn't mean I'm not your friend anymore. You don't actually have to apologise to me."

Tony shook his head and pulled back, rubbing his eyes and sniffling. "I put you in so much danger when I pushed for the Accords to be signed."

Confusion crossed the doctor's face. "What?"

"Ross wanted the Accords signing and now that I think about it, it would have given him the chance needed to take you back in and make you his lab rat."

Bruce laughed and waved him away. "Don't be daft, Tony. Do you really think the Other Guy would have let that happen? He could never control him, as soon as the Other Guy came into play, Ross knew he had lost."

It wasn't enough to fully take away Tony's guilt, but it eased the pain in his chest somewhat. "How about giving me a hand?"

Laughter filled the lab as they chatted and messed around with Tony's suit. Tony was relaxed, happy now that his best friend was with him. He really didn't know why he hadn't called Bruce the moment Barnes had turned up. But he was glad someone did.

Probably Natasha when he thought about it, or Clint. Definitely not Steve. He liked Bruce well enough, but Tony had always noticed how Steve would slightly edge away if Bruce even looked mildly cross. Tony, however, was continually goading his friend. He trusted Bruce to have a lid on his temper, and they both knew the safety protocol that had been installed into FRIDAY.

Sometimes he wished the team would come back together again, that it hadn't become so broken that Tony pottered about in the Tower alone. He wished he hadn't been the one to break the team, that he hadn't pushed so hard for the Accords. But, above all else, he wished his mother was here.

-oo0oo-

It would be a solid week until Tony actually felt strong enough to be able to truly work on his plans without falling asleep on his worktop, exhaustion on his face and a deep ache in his bones. Finally, he was able to explain to Barnes what was going to happen, and an added bonus was that Thor was back on world and currently embracing Tony in a hug so tight he was certain his ribs were cracking.

"All right, Point Break, you can put me down now. I've just recovered from several broken bones and I don't need any new ones," he said, desperately trying to wriggle out of bear hug he was locked in.

Thor lowered him to the ground and looked at Tony like a wounded puppy. "I am sorry, I do not wish to cause you injury in any way."

Tony raised his eyes heavenward and smiled. "Honestly, Big Guy, I'm okay, just I need air more often than you do."

Barnes entered the kitchen where they had been gathered and stared at Thor, his stance a cross between attempting to be at ease, but ready to break into battle at any second. Thor immediately assessed him and offered his hand, the grip tight when taken.

"So, you are another metal man, though only partial."

Barnes grimaced but nodded. "Not by choice though."

Thor nodded in sympathy and clapped his mallet hands together. "So! Tell me all."

Natasha took the time to fill him in, keeping it brief, to the point, and never took her eyes off Barnes. But it was not a wary look, Tony noticed, more like she was looking at a long-lost friend. He remembered something about Natasha having a trainer, someone who had made her the assassin she was today.

He made a mental note to look into that later, perhaps she had known him while she had been trained, or her trainer had known him. After all, she came from HYDRA too, and no doubt their success at creating the Winter Soldier had to have made rounds quite frequently, even if he spent the majority of the last seventy plus years on ice.

"Okay, so, now you know the plan, Thor, did you get my message about the metal?"

Thor looked confused for a moment before he nodded. "Yes, I managed to acquire some for you. It is waiting in your lab, I will later explain how to manipulate it, the metal is not quite like Earth metals."

He was about to wave off the lecture and say he would figure it out for himself, but the look Thor gave him made him pause and simply nod in agreement before going back to his plans.

"The general idea is that Thor will use most of what I said to Barnes in an attempt to get the same reaction, to try and work out exactly what the trigger is, if it's specific word, or if it's something that triggers an emotional reaction." He looked around to make sure everyone followed. "No one else will be in the room besides Barnes, Thor and myself, and FRIDAY of course." He raised a hand at Bruce's protests. "If Thor can't elicit the reaction then I will try, and Thor will, essentially, take my place as the punching bag, and fight back to subdue Barnes until we can make the next attempt, if required."

Tony knew Bruce didn't like the idea of him being in harm's way, but it was a risk he was willing to take. "Additionally, I will have the briefcase suit with me, so I will be encased in strong metal in seconds, enough to stall Barnes until Thor can divert his attention. Now, FRIDAY will be recording everything, but I will be relying on you all to take notice of what's going on, FRIDAY is an AI, not human and there is a chance she could miss something. Not a dig, lass, but it's a possibility."

FRIDAY piped up from her speakers. "Don't worry, sir, I'm used to my integrity and intelligence being questioned, after all, you frequently ask me why you even built me."

Tony glared at the nearest camera and rolled his eyes. "Like I was saying, it could be a facial expression, maybe a tic, something that could be an indicator to when the change is going to happen, or when he's starting to react to something."

Natasha, Clint and Barnes all nodded, but Steve shook his head. "No, I don't like this at all, Tony. You're playing with fire here and you will get burned."

He faced the blond and stared him down. "What don't you like exactly? The fact that I want to poke an angry bear until it reacts, or the fact that you can't quite believe I want to help him?"

Steve flushed red in anger and invaded Tony's personal space until their noses were nearly touching. "You actually want to help someone? The only person you want to help is yourself, Stark."

Tony laughed, a deep, belly laugh that had him wiping tears away from his eyes. "Oh, that was a good one! You mean like how I only helped myself when I flew that missile into space? How I only helped myself when I sent Fury a shitload of Helicarriers and Quinjets? Or how about when I let your sorry ass back in this Tower after leaving me alone for months and never bothering to get in touch!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't think…"

Tony cut him off. "Yeah, that's your problem, you don't think. If I get hurt that's on my head, Rogers, so leave it out."

Steve raised his hands in surrender and stalked off, shoulders hunched in defeat and misery. He glared at Bruce when he tried to get him to calm down and turned to Barnes. "I won't be going easy on you, if what I said in the gym doesn't work I'll work out new things to say. I will trigger you one way or another. But listen well, this does not mean in any way that I forgive you…yet. I will help you, because at the end of it all, you're just a brain washed, messed up kid just like all of us are messed up. So, don't…" Tony swallowed. Hard. "Don't think you'll be tossed out on your ear is this does sideways. You won't be."

Barnes' eyes softened and Tony saw something he couldn't recognise, but it was gone before he could analyse it. "Thank you," Barnes whispered softly.

Tony snorted but nodded. "You're welcome, sunshine. Now, let's get down to business, shall we?"

He picked up the briefcase suit and led them to the gym, most of the floor cleared of equipment so Barnes couldn't launch it at Tony, or at the observatory where the rest of the gang would be, watching them closely.

A part of Tony hoped to God this wouldn't work, that there was no trigger and it was just a freak accident. But deep down, he knew he was to find the trigger and put a stop to it, otherwise it would mean Barnes had to go back in to cryo stasis, and do some reason unknown to him, he didn't want that to happen.


	11. Mission Active (Bucky)

**I need to clear something up before we continue, there are some people who think that I am being anti-Tony or Tony-bashing. I'm not. As a matter of fact, Tony Stark is my absolute favourite character and that hasn't changed even with Civil War. I understand it seems like I'm deliberately making Tony into a dick, and for a bit, that's how I need him to be, but it** **will not last.** **It's just for a little longer.**

 **Now, without further ado, onwards we go. As always, no money is being made off this story and no copyright infringement is intended. All Avengers related things and characters belong to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.**

 **Chapter Ten- Mission Active** (Bucky)

Bucky followed Tony to the gym in silence, his gaze taking in the observation deck, wondering if the glass would be strong enough if something went wrong. He knew they were all aware of the strength he had, and if he launched something hard enough there was a very good chance that he would put the glass right through.

His eyes locked with Tasha's and he smiled, a mere twitch of the lips, but her tip of the head told him she had seen. Guilt wormed through his stomach, memories of trying to kill her when he was the soldier came to the forefront of his mind. He shivered, burying those images deep down. He could afford no distractions, nothing that could divert his attention from what was at hand.

Banner gave him a wave, offering some support though he didn't know the man except from what he knew that HYDRA had on file. Wanda stared down, her eyes locked on him but they lacked the coldness they had done when he had put Tony in hospital. She nodded at him once and spoke to Vision, his eyes only on her.

He noticed Barton was not on the deck, but was in fact in the rafters, bow in hand and quiver on his back. It had been agreed that if he could not be subdued then Barton would shoot him with a tranquiliser arrow and take him down that way. His gaze found Steve and a tension he hadn't realised he'd been holding in his limbs melted away.

A warm smile spread across Steve's lips and Bucky felt his own curve in response. He focused when Tony approached him, watching the confident gait the Iron Man held. "Time to get the show on the road?"

Tony nodded. "Yep. So, like I said, Thor will go through everything that I said that day, see if the trigger is the words, the second step will be me saying it, to see if the reaction is to me, and finally, I'll use other methods and phrases to get a reaction out of you."

Bucky swallowed and nodded. "I understand."

There was a pause before Tony spoke again. "I said some hurtful things, and I will undoubtedly say more to get a response. Whether or not you take them to heart is your choice, I'm not going to pander to any delicate sensibilities. However, if it becomes too much, say and we'll take a break. If a reaction comes, try not to fight it, we're prepared for every possibility."

He nodded again and glanced up at Tasha for a little comfort. She smiled and gave him a little salute, red hair illuminated by the bright lights on in the observation deck and looking like the fiery halo he remembered it being.

"Barnes, you ready?"

He came back to himself and sighed, closed his eyes and reopened them a moment later. "Let's do this."

Thor took Tony's place in front of him. "If you feel the control slipping, try to keep your attention focused on me. The Hawk is prepared in the event you cannot, but do try to. It would help if they can see you trying," he said in a low mutter so no others could hear.

Bucky gave a barely perceptible nod and prepared himself to re-visit the things he and Tony had said to one another. Strangely though, he only recalled himself being quite brutal, but something had set him off and he could not for the life of him work out what it was.

The words spoken by Tony were spoken from Thor, as much feeling inflected in them as he could muster when he was not angry, but as Bucky had suspected, there was no reaction, he wasn't remotely bothered and he hadn't really been that night either, just miffed.

He recalled his own words, and ran through them in his mind, then spoke them to Thor to repeat to him. Blood thundered in his ears and he listened to everything he said. "…so far up Steve's ass that you think you're in love with him?"

Nothing. Bucky shrugged and shook his head. "I'm sorry, nothing."

Thor patted his arm. "No need for apologies. We have tried and now it is time for Tony to step in. Remember, I will be here to take his place if you, as he sometimes calls it, wig out."

Bucky snorted and laughed quietly. Tony stood before him, and for once, the burning hatred that had been in the brown eyes was not present. "I have a brainwave, I don't think the words are the trigger, I think it's the emotion. It's possible that when you become too emotional, you're…programming tries to take over. The Asset doesn't feel, so your mind shuts down and allows the programming to come in and make sure you feel nothing."

He had to agree that it made more sense than words being a trigger. The only words that were a trigger were the sequence of Russian words with no relativity to one another that basically made him compliant- completely.

Tony circled him a few times, but not in a predatory way. "I think…I reckon we should try to re-create those emotions."

His eyes darted to Steve, knowing he could hear and he saw him give a nod of encouragement. "Okay, if you think this will work."

He took a few paces back from Tony, not prepared to have him too close in case he lashed out without warning. He looked up at Tasha and mouthed ' _malen'kiy pauk'_ softly, knowing she could tell what he was saying.

"Eyes on me, Barnes, we have work to do," Tony snapped.

Bucky returned his attention to Tony immediately, unsure of the billionaire was actually annoyed with him, or if he was starting small in triggering his outburst. He gave a meek nod, feeling a little guilty for not keeping his focus.

"Sorry," he murmured.

"Sorry? Sorry isn't good enough, Barnes. I'm busting my balls to help you, putting my life at risk to try and get you better and you can't keep your focus for more than half an hour?" He barked.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at the tone and growled out something indiscernible in Russian. Tony stalked closer and got in his face, brown eyes boring into blue ones. "What was that, Barnes? Are you protesting my methods? I offer to help you and all you can do is whine about how I do things? If you don't want my help, then leave."

Nothing came from Bucky, he was trying to keep his temper down, even though Thor had told him not to. But Tony was too close, there was too much a risk that he would lash out and kill him. Even though the suitcase containing his armour was at his feet and being shuffled around if he moved, Bucky couldn't help but fear what could happen.

"Tony, back away, I can't lose it with you so close."

He just laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Okay, let's cool it down, come back in a few minutes."

Bucky stared at the hand touching him, and Tony snatched it away as if he hand been branded. He walked away shaking his head, muttering to himself though Bucky couldn't hear him. He ran for the stairs and went up to the observation deck, finding Tasha talking to Bruce, her hand touching his arm.

He raised a brow at Banner but said nothing, it was nothing to do with him and he had no right to comment on whatever relationship Tasha held with him, her life was her own. But he did need to speak to her so he tried to edge closer without being obtrusive in their conversation.

"I believe your attention is required, Natasha, go talk with Sergeant Barnes," Banner said softly, making his way downstairs and out of the room.

Barnes threw him a grateful glance and sidled up to Tasha. "Hello, _malen'kiy pauk."_

She smiled softly, a small sigh escaping her lips. "Hello."

He wanted nothing more than to hug her, to sweep her into his arms and hold her close. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was for attacking her. "I…don't even know where to begin."

She shook her head and shrugged. "Where is there to even begin, _soldat_?"

Bucky lowered his gaze and sighed. "They don't know?"

She nodded. "No, they don't. I do not think it would be wise to inform Tony that we know each other, that you are my teacher and the very reason I was, and am, so good at what I do."

"Secrets are what has caused this, Tasha, is it really wise to carry more?"

Again, she shrugged. "Another day, perhaps. Not today when you know Tony is looking to get a reaction. He might be helping you, but he will still be looking to press buttons. He isn't going to let this go until he's gotten rid of this anger and hurt."

He understood that, and knew he was part of the reason for that hurt. "Tell me something, Tasha, is he more pissed at the fact I killed his parents, or the fact that the information was known and withheld from him?"

She chuckled. "Bit of both, mostly the latter I reckon. Try talking with him, get him to understand you wish you could change the events but you were controlled and there was no way for you to break that control."

 _If only it were that easy,_ he thought. He'd give anything to take back the events of December sixteenth, nineteen ninety-one. But he couldn't and as much as he loathed to say it, Tony was going to have to come to terms with that somehow.

"Yeah, maybe you're right, Tasha. I'll try talk to him after all this is done."

"Talk to who?" Steve asked when he walked back into the room. Bucky hadn't even noticed he had left.

"Doesn't matter," he said with a smile and caught Tony's wave from below. He headed back down for round two of their attempts to rile him.

"So, here we go again. Gonna really put the pressure on, Barnes. You ready?"

"Not in the slightest. Let's go."

Tony's lips quirked slightly, and Bucky swore that was an almost smile. It was better than what he'd seen so far from the man. He prepared himself for the worst of statements and prayed to God that he didn't kill the last member of the Stark line.

"Do you know what, Barnes? I'm beginning to think you don't want my help, this has all been a game to you, hasn't it? Worm your way into the home of the last Stark and end the line for good. Was that the plan all along? Get Steve to feel sorry for you, run off with you and come back to finish the job?"

Bucky stood still, his face emotionless and not rising to the bait.

"You're good for nothing except killing, and even HYDRA have given up coming for you. There's been no activity since the party, FRIDAY has been keeping every search open for any mention of them or you. Guess what? Zilch. They've left you, Barnes. You're nothing to them."

Still nothing. He saw Tony smirk a bit and his heart jumped a little. It was a smirk that held so many things and he just knew that all he would be seeing was the cold side of him.

"Just a washed-up soldier with a shiny tin arm and a bunch of murders on his hands. How many kills, Barnes? How many women? How many children did you murder?"

Bucky flinched and lowered his gaze. He knew he'd given Tony exactly the weapon he needed and he was going to exploit that until he snapped. He wasn't prepared for this, he could not see the faces of his missions, he saw them every night in his sleep, he didn't want to see them when awake.

"Come on, Barnes! Killing is what you do! You held your hand over my mother's face until she couldn't breathe and waited until her heart stopped beating! How many innocent children did you smother? How many have you shot in cold blood because you were told to?"

He put his head in hands and shook his head, backing away, but Tony kept at it, following him, the suit left behind. "Please stop," he begged.

But Tony continued, he kept pushing and pushing at him, saying cruel things that twisted his gut like a hot knife. "Do you even see their faces, Barnes? Do you remember every despicable thing you've ever done? Do you hear their screams? Did you listen to the pleads for their lives, for mercy? Did you even cry for any of them?"

"Yes!" He hissed. "I have cried for so long over each death! I can barely sleep for the nightmares- their faces always haunt me when I close my eyes."

He could see Tony's face twist in anger, the eyes blazing as he kept poking Bucky, kept pushing at him. "Good! You deserve nothing less, you should live with the guilt for the rest of your miserable life! Did it feel good to take each life? To watch the light fade from their eyes as their hearts gave a last beat?"

Bucky roared in agony at his words, then a calmness spread over him, his body going stiff and expression blank. "Current mission active- kill Tony Stark and destroy Stark Tower." It was all the warning Tony was given before he left hand shot out and closed over Tony's throat, squeezing harder.

The Soldier saw Thunder God run over, panic over his features. A hand clamped over his, attempting to prise open his fingers that clutched at Stark's throat, cutting off his air supply.

"Mission active- kill Tony Stark," he said coldly, trying to keep his fingers in place.

But the God of Thunder was powerful, and eventually managed to overpower his hand and remove Stark from his grasp. The man fell to the ground choking and coughing, his face a deep shade of purple, the whites of his eyes reddened as the petechiae formed.

"Barnes! Try to come back to yourself!" The Thunder God bellowed.

The Soldier narrowed his eyes and wrenched his hand out of his hold and threw a punch at his head, missed, span on the heel of his boot and threw a second punch, this one connecting. "Mission active- kill Tony Stark. Mission parameters- kill all who oppose mission."

The Thunder God went for him again, but there was no real heat to the actions other than an attempt to subdue. The Soldier took this for weakness and used all training to ensure removal of the opposing God.

He spun and threw punches, dropped to a crouch and tried to kick the God's legs out from under him, their dance continued for some time before someone from above shot him in the back with an arrow.

Unable to find anything to throw at the assailant, he could no longer focus his vision, and he realised he had been tranquilised. Darkness creeped in his vision, and he locked eyes with a red-head running toward him. "Romanoff," he called. "Mission active- kill Tony Stark."

She didn't come to him though, she stopped at Stark and helped him to his feet, fear in her eyes as she led Stark away, her arm around his waist for support. The Soldier was confused and then recalled their fight not long ago- Romanoff was a deserter and traitor, siding with the opposition. The last conscious thought he had was another repetition of his mission.

 _malen'kiy pauk'-_ my little spider (Russian)

 _soldat-_ soldier (Russian)

 **Please note the translations are from Google Translate- I don't know anyone who speaks Russian. So, if someone who is reading this does- please feel free to give me the correct translation and I will update**

 **Chapter 12 is already written and 13 is in progress so I hope to be back with some sort of regular schedule again soon. I always appreciate your patience so if I struggle to post, please bear with me, I promise this story will NEVER be abandoned.**


	12. Mission Active (Tony)

**Hello again my darlings, it is so good to be back! So as in my last missive to you all, Tony has been a jerk but this what I needed for the story. There is a little violence in this, though nothing that I should think will warrant a warning. But should you dislike any violence of any sort, please ignore the last quarter of this story.**

 **Onwards and upwards we go! As always, nothing is mine, I simply borrow from the Marvel Cinematic Universe for my own perverse reasons.**

 **Chapter Eleven- Mission Active** (Tony)

Conversation sounded around him, but Tony paid little to no attention, his brain busy running through the plans and making sure he had thought of everything, that all possibilities had been covered and that no one would be in any danger.

With everyone but himself, Thor, and Clint confined to the observation deck they would all be safe and secure. The glass was reinforced and the gym doubled as a containment room for Bruce when he Hulked out unexpectedly.

Client, he knew, would be up in the rafters and perfectly out of reach. Tony had already arranged for the equipment to be moved away, and what could be removed from the room had been pushed so far away from where they would be that there was no conceivable chance that Barnes would be able to get past Thor and reach it.

As far as Tony was concerned, everything was in place and it was time to get down to business. "Time to get the show on the road," he heard Barnes say.

He nodded, bringing his attention back to Barnes and what they were there to do. "Yep. So, like I said, Thor will go through everything that I said that day, see if the trigger is the words, the second step will be me saying it, to see if the reaction is to me, and finally, I'll use other methods and phrases to get a reaction out of you."

"I understand."

There was a pause before Tony spoke again. "I said some hurtful things, and I will undoubtedly say more to get a response. Whether or not you take them to heart is your choice, I'm not going to pander to any delicate sensibilities." And wasn't that interesting? He found that he wasn't actually looking forward to causing the pain, though he couldn't deny that he wasn't curious about how to trigger him. "However, if it becomes too much, say and we'll take a break. If a reaction comes, try not to fight it, we're prepared for every possibility."

Tony watched Barnes turn his attention to the observation deck, the faces of Steve, Tasha, Bruce, Wanda and Vision were visible, but the only one who made any movement was Tasha, a small salute being made. Since she never did that to him, he could only assume the gesture was for Barnes.

A small frown creased his face, he didn't recall Tasha ever mentioning that she knew him, and in fact had been backing him up since her arrival at the tower just days before. Tony cleared his throat quietly and got Barnes' attention. "Barnes, you ready?"

He gave Barnes a moment and heard him say, "let's do this."

After that Tony stood back and let Thor take his place while he moved to the side and stood at the edge of the gym where he could safely watch and see everything. "FRIDAY are you recording clearly?"

His AI sounded in his ear. "Loud and clear, boss. My sensors are picking up sound, motion, vitals and all other parameters you have set."

He nodded to himself and studied Barnes before the words would start flying, noticed the semi-relaxed posture, but there was a tic in his right hand, the index finger occasionally tapping against his thigh, the only outward sign he was not completely at ease.

There were tension lines on his face, a slight crease in his forehead, a tightening of the skin around his eyes. He could see that Barnes was worried about what they would find with this exercise. But they had gone over everything plenty of times and he was confident that nothing would go wrong.

Tony focused once he saw Thor was done offering whatever words of comfort and that he had begun repeating his and Barnes' words from the night he had been beaten senseless. Tony frowned, it still hurt his pride how easily he'd been thrown around. _Damn super soldier serum,_ he groused mentally.

Once Thor had said everything, Tony waited for a reaction and got nothing. He didn't give up hope straight away, there was a possibility it had been Tony the reaction had been to, not just the words, maybe they had to be combined.

Then something in his brain clicked. The whole point of the constant wiping of Barnes' memories was to remove all links to his past, because there was no way Barnes would attack Steve in his right mind. He loved the man way too much, and there was the point of it. HYDRA needed to remove all ties, and therefore all emotion.

It was entirely possible that the reason Barnes had gone nuts was not down to the words thrown between them, but more the emotions Tony had elicited in the soldier. And because of that, the Asset, the Winter Soldier, had come forward and taken control again when Barnes had struggled to set himself straight.

So maybe, the exercise wouldn't work unless he could work Barnes up enough that he would react and bring out the Asset once more. A shiver of anticipation slithered down his spine at the prospect of getting closer to discovering what the trigger was, and how to eventually remove it.

He approached Barnes and offered a tiny smile, not feeling any of the anger he had been feeling towards the solider since his arrival. "I have a brainwave, I don't think the words are the trigger, I think it's the emotion. It's possible that when you become too emotional, you're…programming tries to take over. The Asset doesn't feel, so your mind shuts down and allows the programming to come in and make sure you feel nothing."

There seemed to be some recognition at his words and Tony felt one step closer to getting this sorted. Tony tapped his chin as he thought, circling around Barnes and connecting dots. Stopping, he waited for some agreement from Barnes, who seemed to be looking up at the deck. Finally, he spoke, "Okay, if you think this will work."

Tony watched Barnes look up at the deck again and mouth something, but he had no idea what it was though he was pretty sure it wasn't English. The only person he knew that spoke any other languages was Wanda and Tasha, and he was pretty sure Sparky Fingers wasn't being addressed. Tony filed it away for later, now was really not the time to lose focus.

He waited a moment before getting his attention back to the work at hand. "Eyes on me, Barnes, we have work to do," Tony snapped.

"Sorry," he murmured.

"Sorry? Sorry isn't good enough, Barnes. I'm busting my balls to help you, putting my life at risk to try and get you better and you can't keep your focus for more than half an hour?" Tony barked, a little annoyed at the meekness Barnes was displaying.

Barnes narrowed his eyes at the tone and growled out something indiscernible in what he assumed was Russian. Tony stalked closer and got in his face, brown eyes boring into blue ones. "What was that, Barnes? Are you protesting my methods? I offer to help you and all you can do is whine about how I do things? If you don't want my help, then leave."

As Tony moved to get closer, he kept shuffling the briefcase containing his suit around with him, making sure it was always within arms' reach if things went south. But he got nothing from Barnes, just the sense that he was trying to keep a lid on things. Not really what Tony wanted, he needed to see what would make Barnes lose control and keeping everything in check wouldn't do that, they wouldn't know if the trigger was emotional.

"Tony, back away, I can't lose it with you so close."

Tony paused and was going to continue, but he saw the fear in Barnes' eyes, and how close he was. If Barnes did lose it Tony couldn't guarantee he would have time to reach down for his suit. He clapped Barnes on the should with a quick laugh. "Okay, let's cool it down, come back in a few minutes."

Barnes' gaze shifted to Tony's hand, clamped on his shoulder and he snatched it away as quickly as he could. Tony stalked away, muttering about his idiocy and there was no way he was feeling sorry for Barnes. Absolutely not. Then why was there so much emotion rolling through Tony that his stomach churned with the prospect of having to up the game and really rile the soldier.

The break in their work gave Tony chance to sort his thoughts out. He saw Barnes go up to the observation deck. Bruce soon came down, along with Wanda and Vision. Steve, he noticed, was already down on the gym floor and walking towards Thor, thoughtful look on his boyish features.

Tasha, however, stayed in the deck and was conversing with Barnes, further confirming Tony's growing suspicions that the soldier knew her from before…probably from before she had ended up with SHIELD and the Avengers.

Vision and Wanda appeared at his side. He had heard how she had defending him when he was recuperating in hospital, but her warmth toward him had not changed in any way, and she gave him a glare. Tony had learned not to take it to heart, he was sure sometimes that she didn't actually mean them and just enjoyed making him wonder.

The voice of his former AI flowed from Vision's mouth and Tony still found it weird as hell. "I do believe that Sergeant Barnes is feeling a little uncomfortable with the new direction this exercise has taken."

Tony looked at the red and silver face, frowning. "I get that, J…I mean Vis, but if we're going to get anywhere I need to know what this trigger is. If I'm wrong about it all, and it was just a fluke thing, then I will gladly admit that and move on. But I don't think it is just a fluke, if I'm right about emotion being the trigger, it wouldn't necessarily just be negative emotion. Anything that could give the Asset chance to regain control is a risk to everyone. What if he's sparring with Wanda and she says the wrong thing and he snaps, going berserk and trying to kill her?"

Vision automatically reached out for her and she smiled, fingers lacing together. "I understand that, Tony, but I know you have history, especially after what happened that December night. Your judgement could be clouded and while we all know you as our friend, Sergeant Barnes has more than once risked his life to save the others when they were in Serbia."

Tony knew little of the events in Serbia, only what Clint had told him, and even then, it hadn't been very much. Vision wasn't wrong, he did have history with Barnes, but he was trying his best to work without that getting in the way of what he was trying to achieve today.

"Vis, please, I'm doing my best to make sure I don't let any of my feelings for Barnes cross over into what I'm doing. I know from your viewpoint I might be acting harsher than needed, but I need to do whatever I can to garner a reaction from him. And unless he tells me to stop, which he did a moment ago, I'm going to keep going. I'm trying to _help_ him."

Vision smiled, bit it was sad. "At what cost?"

Tony didn't get the chance to ask what that meant because he had drifted away and he could see Bruce getting antsy to go back up to Tasha. He could see Steve had already gone back up, so he waved his arm to get Barnes' attention and signalled him to come back down so they could carry on.

Mentally counting to ten, Tony prepared to rip into Barnes, to provoke the reaction needed to prove there was something wrong, and then he could fix it. He told himself it was about the science, and mostly it was, but deep down he just wanted to fix Barnes so he would leave him alone.

The wounded puppy look was actually starting to get to him, and not even Clint had been able to make him cave with that look. He hated that he was starting to feel sorry for Barnes, because that meant that he wouldn't be angry anymore, and that deep hatred was all that had kept him going. Once that was gone, what was left?

Barnes reached him. "So, here we go again. Gonna really put the pressure on, Barnes. You ready?"

"Not in the slightest. Let's go."

Tony couldn't deny that he felt some respect for the soldier, he was putting the man through his paces, and still he was a model guest. So far, Barnes had only actually threatened him once, directly, that was. His lips quirked before he could check it, wiping the almost smile off his face as quickly as it had appeared.

"Do you know what, Barnes? I'm beginning to think you don't want my help, this has all been a game to you, hasn't it? Worm your way into the home of the last Stark and end the line for good. Was that the plan all along? Get Steve to feel sorry for you, run off with you and come back to finish the job?"

Not one muscle in Barnes' face moved, he didn't blink, didn't so much as twitch. If it wasn't for the rise and fall of his chest, Tony would have been certain Barnes was a dead man walking. Creepy.

"You're good for nothing except killing, and even HYDRA have given up coming for you. There's been no activity since the party, FRIDAY has been keeping every search open for any mention of them or you. Guess what? Zilch. They've left you, Barnes. You're nothing to them."

Absolutely nothing. Tony could not deny he wasn't impressed, he damn well was. A smirk crossed his lips brown eyes glittering at the challenge. _Time to slam it home_ , he thought. Time for it to get nasty, he was going to get a rise out of Barnes if it took him all day and night.

"Just a washed-up soldier with a shiny tin arm and a bunch of murders on his hands. How many kills, Barnes? How many women? How many children did you murder?"

As soon as Barnes flinched Tony knew he'd struck a raw nerve. The dark-haired head lowered, eyes hidden from view, a position of submission took hold and Tony felt a cold chill ran down his spine, the hair on his arms and back of his neck on end.

"Come on, Barnes! Killing is what you do! You held your hand over my mother's face until she couldn't breathe and waited until her heart stopped beating! How many innocent children did you smother? How many have you shot in cold blood because you were told to?"

He watched Barnes put his head in hands, the soldier backing away from him. "Please stop," he heard Barnes beg. He waited a beat and when no further pleads to stop came, Tony went for the kill. He stalked after him, face twisted in anger, the suit left behind, forgotten in the face of reaching his goal.

"Do you even see their faces, Barnes? Do you remember every despicable thing you've ever done? Do you hear their screams? Did you listen to the pleads for their lives, for mercy? Did you even cry for any of them?"

"Yes!" He hissed. "I have cried for so long over each death! I can barely sleep for the nightmares- their faces always haunt me when I close my eyes."

Tony's face twisted in anger, his eyes blazing as he kept poking Barnes, kept pushing at him. "Good! You deserve nothing less, you should live with the guilt for the rest of your miserable life! Did it feel good to take each life? To watch the light fade from their eyes as their hearts gave a last beat?"

There was a roar of agony, the scream of someone in so much pain then silence. Tony watched as in a split-second Barnes went from tearful bellow of pain to calm and silent. The grief-stricken face went blank, the words out of his mouth cold and emotionless. "Current mission active- kill Tony Stark and destroy Stark Tower."

It was all the warning he was given before Barnes' left arm shot out, the cool metal sliding around his throat and squeezing harder than anything he had ever experienced. The air supply to his brain was cut-off, blood roared in his ears, his thoughts suddenly jumbled.

He weakly flapped for the briefcase, remembering he had left it behind in his bid to prove himself right. A stupid move that was now going to get him killed. His vision swam, the edges going dark as he struggled to get air in his lungs. He saw Thor trying to wrestle Barnes' arm away, could feel the cartilage in his trachea start to crush.

"Mission active- kill Tony Stark," Barnes said coldly.

The blood vessels in his eyes burst, the petechiae forming, making the whites of his eyes redden. He had seconds left before he fell into unconsciousness. Eventually, Thor was able to loosen Barnes' grip on him and he slumped to the floor, raggedly drawing air into his bruised throat, coughing and spluttering.

"Barnes! Try to come back to yourself!" He heard Thor bellow.

Tony saw the Soldier narrow his eyes and wrench his hand out of Thor's hold and threw a punch at his head, barely missing him and span on the heel of his boot to throw a second punch, this one connecting. "Mission active- kill Tony Stark. Mission parameters- kill all who oppose mission."

Thor went for him again, but Tony could see there was no real heat to the actions other than an attempt to subdue, he knew that Thor would not want to harm him when he was not in control of his own actions. It was like Loki all over again, and that thought made Tony feel sorry for the man.

Barnes spun and threw punches, dropped to a crouch and tried to kick the Thor's legs out from under him, their dance continued for some time before Tony heard the Soldier grunt, an arrow embedded in his skin filled with tranquiliser.

Tony could see Tasha running towards them, his hand outstretched, the darkness taking over his vision. He heard Barnes mutter something about the mission, and he was pretty sure he heard her name. He was helped to his feet and carried from the room. Tony's last conscious thought was that he was going to have some explaining to do to Steve when he came around.

With that last thought, Tony slumped in his friends' hold and gave himself over to unconsciousness, allowing the blissful darkness to steal him away where he could rest his battered body and recover from the injuries he had sustained.


	13. Aftermath (Tony)

**Sorry for the delay my lovelies, I've been out of action for a little while. Here we are with the next instalment of Mending What Was Broken.**

 **As always, nothing belonging to the MCU has anything to do with me, and no copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Chapter Twelve- Aftermath** (Tony)

Bright lights greeted Tony when he woke, his skull fifty sizes too small for his brain and threatening to squeeze it out of his ears. A blond head sat next to him, indicating Steve had stayed to watch over him, but the head was laid on his hospital bed, soft snores giving away he was asleep.

Tony knew he could be a calloused bastard and jerk him awake, but there was something infinitely vulnerable about Steve sleeping at his side, that even after the way he'd been treating Cap, he was willing to stay at his side until he woke. Probably to give him a roasting for being so careless, but Tony was happy to take that right now.

For the first time Steve had returned, Tony found himself grateful to have the super soldier there. He let him sleep a while longer, but when the pain in his throat became too much, he had to reach for his buzzer to get someone in to help, and that meant jostling the sleeping man.

He threw Steve an apologetic look when he suddenly shot awake and looked around like a wild animal searching for danger. "Sorry," Tony rasped. "Throat hurts."

Steve gave him a pained look and nodded, his hand coming up to press the buzzer for him and Bruce entered moments later a dark look on his normally smiling face. "Hey, glad to see you're awake, both of you."

Tony smiled awkwardly. "Water?" He managed to croak before going into a coughing fit, his throat so bruised from being throttled by Barnes.

Bruce left and quickly returned with a bucket of ice chips and fed Tony a couple. "Take them slowly, down try to eat loads of them. Your throat has taken a lot of damage, and any further strain could do irreparable damage, so just take it easy."

He left then, letting Tony eat his ice chips, and Steve to sit and fret with the hem of his shirt. Tony could only take it for so long before he flapped his hands at him, made a writing motion and glared meaningfully at the blond.

Luckily for him, Steve was quick to understand the gestures and fetched him his Stark Pad. Tony wrote out a stream of questions but Steve shook his head. "One at a time, Tony, please."

Tony sighed and deleted everything before he wrote one question. 'How much trouble am I in?'

Steve raised a brow and laughed, his eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep and making the laugh twice as sinister as it needed to be. "A lot, Tony. A hell of a lot. Bruce almost Hulked out, Thor created a thunder storm so big that several trees are destroyed around the tower, Vision was ready to put a hole in Bucky and Wanda wanted to beat you up further."

He flinched a little, actual guilt wormed through his stomach. 'I'm sorry…'

Cap shrugged. "No one can really say they're surprised. When you get onto something there's no stopping you. But for the love of God why didn't you keep the briefcase in your hand?"

Tony shrugged and flapped his hands about in frustration before he resigned himself to using the Pad. 'Because it's heavy, and I wanted my hands free in case something went wrong. Not that I can put up a fight against him, apparently.'

Steve tugged on his short hair, leaving Tony to wince as strands were pulled out. "Christ almighty, Tony! You could have been killed! Do you know how much tranquiliser was in that arrow? Enough to take down an elephant! If we hadn't been ready you would have died!"

The guilt multiplied ten-fold, he could see tears in Steve's eyes and Tony had to look away. 'I'm sorry,' he wrote. 'Is he alright?'

That seemed to make the super soldier deflate. "Yeah, he's alright. Beating himself up about hurting you. He hasn't been seen by anyone other than the bots and FRIDAY since you were brought here two days ago."

Shock crossed Tony's face. 'TWO DAYS?' he scribbled.

Steve nodded. "Yeah, we couldn't wake you after you fell unconscious. Bruce had you hooked up to a brain activity monitor for the first twelve hours, afraid the oxygen starvation to your brain would do damage. Luckily, there was none. The red eye thing will go down after a bit, nothing anyone can do about that, but the bruising is severe. Bruce is concerned that you might not get full use of your voice back."

And wasn't that just a kick in the old twins? His stomach dropped through the floor, the gravity of the situation hitting home. Everything had led to this, to his body damaged to a point where it might not fully recover. He'd gone into space for crying out loud and come back from that with a few scratches and some pretty paralysing panic attacks but he always got through them just fine.

This, though, this was the point of no return. He could continue as he had been, provoking and jibing, making everyone's lives hard, or maybe, just maybe, he could behave like an adult and actually try to work his shit out. _Maybe,_ he thought.

'Can you bust me outta here?' He wrote quickly before Bruce entered and he quickly locked the Pad before he could see.

"Now then, time to check you over now that you're awake."

Tony shuddered and looked pleadingly at Steve, hating anyone doing his medicals, even Bruce. Steve smiled softly and held his hand, never making fun, and nor had he ever done so, and squeezed to comfort him through the tests.

Bruce took some photographs of the bruising to compare to the ones taken when first showing, he asked Tony to try and talk but all that was produced was a scratching rasp. He did reflexes, in case Tony' reaction time had slowed down.

"Well, apart from your voice, you're not doing too bad. Your motor skills have taken a minor decrease, but that could just be from everything that happened, so we'll test them again soon. There's no decrease in brain activity, so I'm not concerned about brain damage. I am, however, worried about the amount of bruising and how much your throat has swelled." Bruce paused, a pained look crossing his face before he continued, his watch beeping dangerously. "There is a strong possibility you might never get your normal voice back. The bruising is putting strain on your vocal chords, the damage could be irreparable. The swelling could worsen further, which has the chance of closing off your airway, suffocating you. I'm going to have to confine you to the medical ward where you can be monitored."

 _Not on your life,_ Tony thought but nodded for Bruce, the watch beeping starting to slow down. No use in causing a Hulk out right now, Tony would definitely not withstand that.

His mind turned over the words of Barnes, the mission he had been programmed with before he had lost his Winter Soldier persona. Most of HYDRA were gone, so was that an old mission, or something added before he went rogue?

The questions buzzed in his mind but he couldn't concentrate with the harsh lighting and beeping of machinery, which Tony found highly ironic since he did his best thinking in the workshop, surrounded by noise. He looked to Cap again and made with the puppy eyes.

Steve cursed a blue streak, sending Tony's eyebrows skyward and his brown eyes wide. "Fine, I'll get you out of here, but you better be ready for the storm that will hit when Bruce finds out."

Tony nodded vigorously and smiled brightly, the smile dimming when he saw the pain in Steve's eyes. He realised he hadn't once smiled at him since his return, and despite all the anger he'd been feeling towards him, Tony found that he was angrier at himself, and he didn't know why.

He nodded as Steve promised to come back when Bruce went for a break and get him back to his penthouse under the promise that he would allow Clint to stay there too, just in case he got worse. Tony readily agreed and squeezed Steve's hand in gratitude.

In the time that Cap was gone, Tony had a lot of time to reflect on how the exercise had gone. He was absolutely certain that he was right in that the trigger was tied to emotions. The stress Barnes had been under combined with all the harsh words he had been throwing at him had made him crack, if he became too emotional, the Asset would slip into place giving Barnes a chance to calm down, but at the same time, left everyone around him in danger.

It didn't seem to be something Barnes could control, there had been no sign of panic in his eyes as it had happened. One-minute Barnes was upset and backing away, the next he had been cold and stoic. It was creepy to watch and worse when his mind replayed it back to him, worse still when FRIDAY produced the footage on his Stark Pad.

The speed at which Barnes had become the Asset was terrifying and Tony had a real gauge for just how much danger they were in, especially those of them who were not enhanced, like himself and Clint. He was certain Tasha was in some way enhanced, no woman of her tiny stature should have that amount of strength naturally.

Now he had a dilemma, did he continue trying to work out the problem and fix it, putting everyone at risk. Or did he let it lie for the time being? Whichever one he did, neither was preferable, and he realised that he was going to have to try and actually make nice with him.

Damn. He did not look forward to that, he had been set on making sure Barnes knew just how much he hated him. Talks with Clint had forced him to come to terms with how Barnes had absolutely no control over his actions on the night his parents had died. He didn't like it, but it was true and Tony couldn't deny it any longer, no matter how much he wanted to.

He looked up when he saw Bruce rubbing his eyes and going away from the medical room. He only had to wait a few minutes until Steve came in and quickly ushered him from the room and up to the penthouse. DUM-E was already in the suite ready to lend a helping hand, or arm, rather.

His sheets had been changed and were turned down, his holo-desk had been moved into his bedroom and there was his wood desk with a steaming bowl of soup on it. "You can't have any solids right now, you're on a liquid only diet until some of bruising and swelling has gone down," Steve informed him.

Tony huffed but nodded, gently touching his throat and wincing in pain. Steve pushed his hand away and shook his head. "Leave it alone, don't aggravate it further."

He scowled but nodded again, grumpy at his loss of voice and having to be babied. His eyes felt gritty and he had to admit he was tired, and didn't protest when Steve put him to bed with a stern glare and firm hand. He saw the soft look in Steve's eyes at his vulnerability and felt his eyes tear up, looking away to avoid them being seen.

Steve ruffled his hair affectionately. "I've moved to the floor below, just for now. If Clint isn't around, please get FRIDAY to wake me up, Tony. I'm still your friend, nothing has changed, no matter how angry you get with me, or how many times you punch me. You are my friend."

He never got an answer though, Tony had already fallen asleep, his chest rising and falling softly. He didn't see Steve brush a kiss against his temple, nor did he see the way his breath hitched when he held back a sob. He didn't wake at the click of the door as Steve left, or the creak of the hinges when Clint came in. He dreamt of his mom, of seeing her again, her warm body against his as she hugged him tightly.

-oo0oo-

When Tony woke the next morning, he found his throat was on fire, he reached for glass of ice water that had been left on his bedside table, clearly recently since the glass was filled with chips that didn't seem have melted much and the condensation on the glass was still forming.

As he laid back down he noticed there was someone sleeping beside him, he turned over carefully and found a shock of red hair fanned across the pillow, Tasha's lashes brushing her pale cheeks, face relaxed and peaceful in sleep. Tony had honestly never found her more beautiful than in that moment where she was untouched by the Red Room or the horrors of HYDRA.

He didn't have to wait long before she stirred and smiled sheepishly at him. "I'm sorry, I wanted to stay with you and Clint wanted to shoot some stuff."

Tony didn't have the heart to still be angry with her for keeping the truth about his parents from him. He was hurting, and he didn't know how to fix it. It wasn't a broken piece of machinery that needed a little solder and some screws. He was a living person with feelings that he didn't know how to process.

Her hand reached out slowly and cupped his cheek, her skin soft against his stubbled cheek. "I am so sorry, Tony. I hate that we haven't been talking, that you've been hurt because of me. Because of mine and Steve's actions."

The words broke the dam and Tony felt the wall slipping, the ironclad grasp he'd had over his anger melted away and he sobbed brokenly, his fists beating weakly against her and he cried almost silently from his ravaged throat, begged for it all to go away and raged at her for lying to him.

She took it all, didn't try to defend herself, only tried to stop his words so he wouldn't injure himself further. She let him stab at his Pad so tell her how he felt, she read it, nodded, and let him continue. But she did wrap her arms around him and hold him close, crooning in Russian softly, her own tears splashing his head.

"I'm sorry, Tony. I would never intentionally hurt you, I thought it best that old scar didn't get reopened. I hoped to spare you from ever finding out they were taken from you, that it was just a wet road and a bad accident that no one was to blame for," she said quietly when he'd calmed somewhat. "I wanted to bury the secret away and wished I'd never seen it. I dumped the files of SHIELD and HYDRA all over the internet, but I wiped the file of Howard and Maria Stark, I didn't want you to have to face that."

Tony's tears hadn't stopped, but the sobbing had, as hoarse as it had been. He was laid with his head tucked in the hollow between her bent knees and stomach, her hand repeatedly threading through his hair. "Why them?" He rasped.

Tasha shushed him gently and nudged the Pad close but she knew what he meant. "Because your father was carrying the serum that made Steve and Bucky, he was the primary target for HYDRA to get their hands on more of it, to create the other super soldiers that Zemo executed in Siberia."

He once again saw the way that Barnes' hand slid over his mother's mouth and nose, cutting off her air supply, slowly killing her. He didn't blink, barely moved until he knew her heart had stopped beating. Tony screwed his eyes shut and shook his head, clearing the images.

He grabbed the Pad and scribbled madly. 'My dad was taking her away, they had to stop somewhere, more than likely the Pentagon, but he was taking her to the Bahamas for a holiday. She kissed me goodbye and promised to be back early so I could spend the end of Christmas Break with her before going back to university. My dad barely acknowledged me, but he squeezed my shoulder and that was a lot since he rarely even came out of his office when I was home.'

Tasha read and smiled sadly. "My mother and father are people I don't even remember. The Red Room wiped everything. My first memory is of being nine and learning how to load and shoot a gun."

He sniffled and deleted his words to replace them with more. 'But you're you now, and the Red Room won't ever happen again. You're safe here.'

She chuckled and kissed his head, her lips lingering for a few seconds. "I know that, and I thank my lucky stars every day I have people who will go to any lengths to help me, as we will you. We love you, Tony, and pushing us away won't stop us. I can't, however, stall Bruce any longer than I have been. I'll stay with you though, okay?"

Tony nodded and huddled closer, wincing as Bruce bellowed through the suite that Tony better be awake and with answers. He peered over the covers and gave a quick wave, using the puppy eyes. Bruce raised his brows and threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"What am I going to do with you?" He asked rhetorically. "I swear if it weren't for you being already injured I'd be beating you to a pulp myself. I know you hate the medical room, Tony, but it's the best place I can monitor…"

"Actually, Dr. Banner, the best place for Mr. Stark to be monitored is everywhere. My sensors are programmed to pick up even the slightest elevation in heart rate, and I have been monitoring the swelling in his sleep. Would you like the statistics?" FRIDAY piped up, cutting Bruce off.

The doctor spluttered for a moment, growled darkly, and sighed. "Out-manoeuvred by a bloody AI."

Tony's eyes crinkled in silent laughter and Bruce plonked on the edge of the bed. He saw how Tasha was holding him protectively and smiled, her own smile forming. Tony patted the bed a few times to get his attention and held out the Pad: 'if you two want to make kissy face please get out and send Barton or something, I don't need to see that. I'm delicate.'

Bruce laughed and shoved him lightly, Tony clutching his chest in mock hurt. He shooed them off with a grin, going back to his Pad and tapping away for a while to pass some time. He heard the door to his suite go and peered up to see Clint flop on the sofa to watch a film. He put the Pad down and wandered out to watch it with him.

Clint said nothing when half-way through the movie Tony laid down with his head in Clint's lap. He didn't move him when Tony fell asleep and didn't wake up for two hours. Tony was pliable as a doll when Clint took him to bed and laid beside him for comfort until he fell back asleep, and when Clint knew Tony was out for the count, he climbed into the ventilation and watched over him.


	14. Aftermath (Bucky)

**Here we are with another chapter of our journey. I know a few people have expressed their views on how some of the characters are OOC, and I guess to a degree they are, but this is how I see them. I won't apologise if you don't like it, but I accept if you do not wish to continue with the story.**

 **As always, anything belonging to MCU is nothing of mine. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Chapter Thirteen- Aftermath** (Bucky)

A whooshing sound invaded his hearing when Bucky came to, his vision was fuzzy and lights blared in his eyes uncomfortably. As he came around more he realised the whooshing noise was the blood thundering in his ears. It took him a few moments to realise he was still in the tower, or at least he assumed he was.

"Welcome back, Sergeant Barnes," FRIDAY's voice sounded around him.

"Back?" He croaked. He didn't recall ever going anywhere, he had been in the gym with Tony, that was the last thing he could remember.

"Yes, Mr. Stark managed to find your trigger and unfortunately, there was some damage done. At the moment, you have been confined to your room in the tower until you awakened as yourself," FRIDAY filled him in.

Fear washed over him, filling him with icy dread. "FRIDAY…How bad…How much damage did I do?"

There was a pause before she answered him, and Bucky's fear multiplied. "Mr. Stark is currently in the medical room in the tower, he has not yet regained consciousness. My sensors, and from what Dr. Banner has told, he has sustained severe bruising to his throat, and there is possible brain damage from the time his brain was starved of oxygen."

Bucky closed his eyes in horror at what he had done, his eyes burning with unshed tears. "Oh god, no." Tony had to survive, he would not be able to forgive himself if the billionaire died by his hand, especially after he had been gracious enough to work in close quarters with him to attempt to fix whatever it was that triggered him. "Can you play the footage, FRIDAY?" He asked softly.

"I don't think that is a good idea, Sergeant Barnes. I am concerned over the level of trauma this would cause, and as the confirmed trigger for your episodes is emotion, I cannot play the footage and risk another trigger, thus putting all in the tower in danger as we have no one in the nearby vicinity who would be able to subdue you," she explained.

He sighed. "Please, FRIDAY? I'm clearly contained in a room built for high damage, so there's little chance of me breaking out."

There was another pause before images appeared over what he assumed was one of the holo-desks Tony had throughout the tower. He watched as Tony pushed him, his own face twisted in pain until it suddenly went completely blank. His lips moved but FRIDAY hadn't turned the sound on, in the next moment his hand closed over Tony's throat and squeezed.

He could only stare in disgust with himself when Thor tried to free Tony from his grasp, who quickly changed from red to purple, his eyes going red as the capillaries in his eyes ruptured from the pressure.

Finally, he went against Thor and was shot with an arrow from Clint, he could see everyone running to Tony and trying to get him out of the gym as quick as they could, Vision looked ready to murder him where he laid, unconscious, on the ground.

Bucky scrubbed a hand over his face and choked back tears, it would do not good. "Is there somewhere I can go? A…safe place?"

FRIDAY projected a small area attached to the room he was in that he could reach through the ventilation system. "You will not be able to escape this way, Sergeant Barnes, it is still sealed off to keep you in. I'm sorry, but I cannot remove the measures without Mr. Stark's authorisation, or from Dr. Banner if he deems you no longer a danger."

He nodded and pulled the cover off the ventilation shaft about him and climbed in, moving as fast as he could to the small room where he could remain hidden and unable to hurt anyone. He felt sick, horrified that Tony may not be the same again because of the damage he had inflicted.

-oo0oo-

Several hours later, Bucky noticed something kept nudging his metal arm. Peering down he found a small bot whirring quietly, its beeps so soft he wouldn't have heard it if not for his super hearing. In its grabbers, it held a black shirt with a chubby unicorn on the front, and a phrase underneath it: 'I fart rainbows'.

He laughed and took the shirt, pulled off his own and slipped it over his head, the size perfect. He wasn't entirely sure if this was something Steve had bought, or if Tony had ordered it to be a dick. Either way, he found it amusing and rather comforting to have something so simple on.

"FRIDAY?" He called softly, unsure if she had access here.

"Yes, Sergeant Barnes?"

Apparently, she did. "Firstly, enough of the Sergeant please, it's too formal. Second, has Tony woken up yet?"

"My apologies, Mr. Barnes. And no, sir has not yet woken. I have had more data input from Dr. Banner and it would appear there is no brain damage."

He released a sigh. At least that was one thing he wouldn't be responsible for, the damage to his throat alone was enough to try and atone for, if Tony would let him. "That's…that's good. How long has it been?"

"It has been precisely seven hours and thirteen minutes since you woke, and nineteen hours and fifty minutes since you were knocked unconscious," she immediately replied.

Well, that was something. A Considerable amount of time had passed since the gym incident, surely Tony couldn't be out for much longer. Bucky sensed that there was further news, and waited for FRIDAY to deliver it.

When nothing came he prompted her. "If there's more, FRIDAY, please just tell me. There's no use in trying to sugar-coat it."

The bot beside him beeped quietly, a soft whine coming from its motors. "The bruising on sir's throat is worrisome to Mr. Banner, there is concern that he might not regain full use of his voice as there is swelling combined with the bruising that is putting pressure on his vocal chords. Additionally, the injuries could impede his breathing, making it extremely dangerous for him to be left unattended."

Bucky had no idea why she had bothered to include the last of the information, he had already been made aware that he was confined to the room and would not be let out without the say so of Tony or Banner. "What's your point, FRIDAY?" He asked.

"I said you were confined to this room, but as I am sure you will have worked out for yourself, every ventilation shaft in the building will join another in order to reach another room."

He frowned in confusion. "Well, yeah, I had figured that out since Barton uses them a lot to get around."

"Indeed. As I control the security in the building, so long as access to other areas is shut off to you, if you use the ventilation shafts you have not technically left the room if it only has one other destination."

"And where would I go, FRIDAY?"

"Anywhere you wanted so long as it was not near Mr. Stark."

"Could I go to the workshop?"

FRIDAY paused. "My protocols do not deny you access so I don't see why not. Please do not attempt to leave the workshop other than to return here, I will be forced to fully confine you with someone guarding the room. I do not want to do that, Mr. Barnes," her voice came through the speakers, a stern tone to it.

He nodded. "Of course, I wouldn't abuse your trust like that. Thank you."

There was a soft his of electricity to his left and he pushed at the mesh over the shaft open. The bot beeped happily behind him as he crawled through, its treads making a soft noise as it trailed along with him.

-oo0oo-

Once in the workshop, Bucky inhaled deeply and felt infinitely better when his nostrils filled with the scents of oil and metal. This was something he was familiar with, even if it was only ever when his arm was being serviced.

He found a pile of metal and eyed it curiously. "FRIDAY, is Tony using this for anything?"

"I believe that is just the pile of scraps that Mr. Stark keeps around in case they become of use. I do not believe he has any plans for them at the moment."

He fingers a sharp ring, its roughness grating over the fingertips of his flesh hand. "Do you think it would be alright if I tinkered with some of it?"

"I don't see why not. Unfortunately, I cannot ask Mr. Stark but I doubt it would cause any great disruption if it was used."

He scooped up the scrap pieces into his arms and carried them to a nearby workbench where he found drills, a soldering iron, a vice and some sanding paper he assumed was for use on metal. Bucky had no real structure or design in mind, but he figured it would be good to keep his mind busy rather than sitting around in his little bolt-hole waiting for more results on Tony.

Bucky was aware that with the damage he had inflicted there was a good chance it could be several more hours before Tony woke, never mind actually got up and about. So, he sanded, he drilled holes and fitted knuts and bolts. He soldered and found wires to connect.

A soft alarm sounded above him, slowly bringing him out of the daze he'd been in while working. "A meal has been delivered to your room, Mr. Barnes. Given the height of your metabolism I would recommend eating."

He searched for a camera and nodded. "Can I come back?"

FRIDAY unlocked the ventilation shaft above him. "Of course, so long as Mr. Stark is not awake and wondering around, or looking for you."

"I highly doubt he'll be coming anywhere near me, not for quite some time."

FRIDAY remained conveniently silent. He climbed up the shafts and back to his room where a warm plate of pizza had been left for him. He suspected Tasha was the culprit of this since it was his favourite pizza. He was sorry to have missed her, but right now he did not want to see her or anyone else. Not just yet.

-oo0oo-

By the time Bucky got the word that Tony had come around and been given the news of the damage caused and implications of it, he had already created his own weird little bot and had been tinkering with it in his room now that he was done in the workshop.

FRIDAY had helped him search YouTube videos on how to wire the necessary computer components in so it could run, and she had advised that he add the ability to self-learn so it would not require constant commands.

He set up daily commands that it could run itself, and added the components necessary for it to be able to communicate with FRIDAY so she could keep it in order and make sure to record all the data so he could see where it went wrong, if it did.

Bucky was well aware it was nothing close to the level of sophistication that were Tony's bots, even just the one that had been following him around. But his bot was his own little creation and he was proud of it. He was certainly no hand at electronics or such things, but it was something he had built himself. No doubt Steve would find it amusing since it was painted red and gold, no doubt sure to wind up Tony, providing he didn't throw Bucky out of the tower.

There would be no blame to place if he did, and Bucky had to admit he was quite surprised the tower's occupants hadn't already been round to kick the stuffing out of him after what he'd done. But there was that whisper in the back of his mind that sounded suspiciously like Steve. He hadn't been himself, not really. He had no recollection of what had happened, but his memories of all his previous kills always came back later, usually in his dreams. In cryo-sleep he'd had nothing but dreams to keep him company.

He set his bot on the ground, switched him on and entered the first commands into the computer that would get him on his way, FRIDAY said she would do the rest for him. It beeped and whirred, getting used to his bearings. He thought of the bot as a he, and grabbed a permanent marker, scribbling BUCK-E on his side.

"A most appropriate name, Mr. Barnes," came FRIDAY's amused voice.

He laughed and nodded. "I think so too."

Finally, the bot got on his way, picking up bits of paper off the floor and depositing them in the waste basket on his back. It beeped happily, and the bot that had been following him around interacted with it.

Bucky watched with a fond smile, happy at his creation. The door to his room was knocked on, and Steve entered, a grave look on his face. "Bucky, how are you?"

He grunted and shrugged. "I'm alright. Normal again, no longer a murdering psychotic lunatic."

Steve gave him a pained look and sat on the floor beside him. "Buck, come on, you know that's not how I see you. I'm sorry I haven't been to see you, but we had to be certain you were back as yourself again."

Bucky got up and moved the desk slightly since BUCK-E struggled to get around it. "Steve, please don't. I know you've been looking after, Tony. It's alright, I wouldn't expect any different. He was badly injured, so I know you'll all have been watching over him."

"Yeah," Steve said. "He finally woke, seems himself but lacking his voice, it's mostly just a rasp. I just…damn it, Buck. I wish you hadn't gone through with this."

He sighed heavily and sat back down. "Why, Steve? Because now everyone can see what a fruitcake I am? Now they're all too frightened to come near me because heaven forbid they upset me and I decide to go all Winter Soldier on them, and kill them."

"Buck, stop!" Steve cried. "That's not how it is! We all knew there was a massive risk that Tony would get his way and find the trigger, he's like a damn dog with a bone, doesn't let up until he gets what he wants."

He had to laugh at that, it pretty much summed Tony up from what he'd seen. "I know, I just…I don't want everyone to stop being around me. I'm actually surprised I'm still here."

Steve grabbed his arm and squeezed. "Like hell I'd let them throw you out. As it happens, no one has even so much as mentioned that. They've stayed away under my directive, for one I had to make sure you were back to yourself, like I said. And two, I thought you might like some time alone to get your thoughts together before you had to face anyone."

They talked for a bit longer until Steve left. He hugged Bucky hard and smiled at him. "Gotta bust the whiny brat out of his medical prison. When he's better, come talk to him, he's not as pissed as you might think, actually asked how you were before anything else."

It gave him food for thought, that Tony hadn't even been raging about what had happened. Maybe, just maybe, he could reconcile with him, get him to understand that he was deeply sorry for the incident in the gym. It wouldn't repair any of the harm done to the billionaire, but it would be a start.


	15. The Red Room

**Hello my dearest ones** **Apologies for my time away, but now I'm back. Thanks to the ass-kicking of Nano- I have several chapters written and ready to go. So, I shan't keep you longer.**

 **As always, anything belonging to the MCU is theirs- no copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Chapter Thirteen- The Red Room**

Patience was her strongest suit, and waiting for her former teacher to emerge from his hiding place was a trivial thing for her, but she could not hide the concern or worry she felt for him, and her friend whose life had almost been taken.

When Tasha did finally spot Bucky, it was after the news that Tony was awake and had suffered no brain damage from the oxygen starvation. The relief she felt was indescribable, and it meant she could focus more on making sure her mentor was alright after he had been triggered.

It had been a long, long time since she had been triggered, but she could remember all too clearly how she always felt afterwards. The guilt would eat her for days when she harmed someone, and she always had Clint to find her, and drag her out of the funk she would go into.

So, it was when Bucky crawled out of his hiding space that she stood waiting for him. "How are you feeling?" She asked softly.

"Like shit," he grunted.

She nodded and patted his arm. "Where have you been hiding?"

He shrugged. "Around. I was confined to my room for a bit but once Tony woke, FRIDAY was able to let me out again, on orders. I just…wasn't ready to see anyone."

Tasha smiled sadly. "I brought you a meal in the hopes of talking with you, make sure you were alright."

Bucky sat down at the kitchen table. "I know, but I wasn't ready to see anyone."

"Not even me?"

He locked eyes with her. "Especially not you."

That stung, Tasha couldn't deny it, but it was true and she understood that. "Come up to the roof with me, get some air."

Sighing, Bucky lunged to his feet and she trailed behind him, searching to see if any of the others were around or following. Once in the lift she hit the button for the highest floor, and they took the stairs up to the roof.

When the cool evening air hit her face, Tasha took a lungful and released it slowly. She heard a lighter spark and stared disapprovingly at Bucky. "At least be a gentleman and offer me one first."

Bucky barked a laugh and threw the packet at her. "I ain't no gentleman and you ain't no lady, _malen'kiy pauk_."

Tasha cackled and sat beside him, their legs hanging over the ledge under the bars. She lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply, feeling the smoke hit her lungs. She blew a stream of blue smoke and watched the wind carry it away. "We need to talk about what happened, _soldat._ "

He gave her a side-long glance, Tasha staring out over Manhattan. "I know."

"Do you remember what happened?"

Bucky shook his head and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Only what FRIDAY has shown me on the gym footage. I don't actually recall anything, which worries me. I've always remembered before, sometimes hours later, but not days later- I would remember by now."

"Well, there were different circumstances this time. After every mission before, you were always the Winter Soldier, and you were regularly wiped of things. This time you were yourself, so perhaps the longer you spend as Barnes, the harder it might be to remember things if you go all Winter Soldier."

It was a shot in the dark and she knew it, but it was better to throw something out there as a possibility rather than leaving him with an 'I don't know'.

"I guess," he said, though his voice held no conviction at all.

"Did FRIDAY show you what you said when you became the Winter Soldier?" Tasha asked softly.

He nodded. "Mission active- kill Tony Stark."

Tasha nodded slowly and finished the cigarette, stubbing the butt out against the bottom of her shoe. "Yes, do you recall that mission ever being one that was active before?"

Bucky finished his own cigarette and lit a second. "No, I don't have any recollection of it."

She sighed heavily and rested her hand on his metal arm. "Have you told him yet?"

His blue eyes shot to hers and he violently shook his head. "No, I'm not sure it's a good idea he knows I was your teacher. I don't like keeping secrets but I think knowing that I taught you everything, that I put your forward for the programme and arranged for you to receive the other form of serum could damage what might remain of his generosity towards me."

Tasha sighed and shifted back so she could sit cross-legged. "I understand, but I think keeping from him will be worse. You've seen first-hand how Tony reacts when he isn't told something that involves him, and we both know this involves him-deeply."

-oo0oo-

After checking the time, Clint saw it was time to go relieve Steve from keeping watch over Tony. Putting his bow away, he set his quiver beside it and left the gym, taking the lift as high as it would go and taking the stairs to the penthouse.

He found Steve pacing madly, his face set in stone as he glared daggers at the bathroom door. "What's up?" He asked their leader.

"He's sulking," Steve growled.

Clint bit the inside of his cheek for a moment. "Why is he sulking?"

"I won't let him play with his toys in the workshop."

Clint nodded seriously, still holding back his laughter. "Okay, well, I'll make sure he doesn't go down."

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Steve sighed heavily, nodded, and walked off, leaving Clint to take over. He waited until he heard the door to the penthouse close and knocked twice on the bathroom door. "Mom's gone."

The door flew open and Tony looked around, relieved. "He has been pestering me all god damn morning about going down to the workshop," he whined.

Clint laughed at the complaint. "It's only because he's beating himself up about letting the experiment go ahead, and you getting hurt. Cut him a little slack."

Tony groaned and paced around his rooms like a caged animal. "I can't do it, Clint. I need to be out of here and doing my own thing, I need to be back in my workshop and doing what I do best, fixing what went wrong. I can't do that if Mother Theresa is always hovering over me."

He could see both sides, Tony wanted to do what he did best, and Steve wanted to make sure his friend wouldn't be hurt again after the incident in the gym. But when it boiled down it, Clint would always side with Tony. So, he snuck the genius down to the workshop, through the ventilation shafts, and sat himself in a corner where he could keep an eye on him.

Tony worked away, immersing himself in whatever had gripped him, and Clint kept a watchful eye on him. He checked his watch, guessing that Tasha was still talking with Bucky over what happened and the guilt that was more than likely eating the soldier up.

It also gave Clint time to assess his thoughts and recall what happened. He couldn't deny he was concerned over Bucky, the man had saved his ass back in Siberia. But he was loyal to Tony and the man was his first priority. He knew how much Tasha adored Tony, but she loved Bucky to distraction, he just prayed that Tony wouldn't find out until he was ready.

This was something that could seriously destroy Tony, and Clint wasn't sure he wanted to be around when the fallout happened. The way he had blown at Tasha over the serum and his parents' deaths had been bad enough, to find out that Tasha knew Bucky long before this, and had trained under him, _and_ had held a relationship with him- it could blow the team apart for good.

-oo0oo-

The sun began to set with Tasha and Bucky sat in silence, both watching the soft pink glow darken to red as the hour grew late. They'd been on the roof for some time, but neither had much to say. She knew Bucky needed to come clean about them- about their past, but she understood his fear of giving the man another thing to hate him for. Especially when Tony had grown more civil with him, and she had noticed the coldness in his eyes had dimmed somewhat.

Reluctant as she was to bring back that cold glare, she wasn't sure how long she could keep it from Tony. The way he had looked at her when she had revealed she'd known about his parents had wounded her, far deeper than she was prepared to admit. In all honesty, she wasn't entirely sure she was ready to have that look placed on her again.

"I've spent a good portion of my adult life trying to break the hold HYDRA had on me, and for that I have Clint to thank," she said suddenly, her gaze still on the setting sun.

Bucky faced her and nodded. "Yes, I know. I'm only sorry it took me so much longer to be free of them. I spent a vast majority of my adult life frozen, only brought out to be under pain and sent out to kill."

Tasha's smile was grim. "Hmm. I was trained from a young age, held and shot my first gun before I was even in double digits. When I graduated, I was taken to the ceremony, to the Red Room. Did they ever tell you about it? Before I did, I mean."

The dark look on his face said it all, the blue eyes cast away and suspiciously glassy for a moment.

"When the girls graduate, they remove the inner workings of what makes them female. It makes all missions easier and cleaner if an asset does not have a family, has no children to defend or give herself up for. I'll never have children with Bruce, I can never give him a family without adopting or fostering."

Bucky risked a glance and was saddened to see the blank look on her face, that she wasn't even acknowledging the loss frightened him- or if she did, she refused to show it. "I know, Tasha. I'm sorry, I really am. If I could go back and warn you, break you away from them beforehand I would do it in a heartbeat."

She knew that, really knew he would break every rule to get her out if he'd had his own mind. Every detail of her graduation was still deeply etched in her mind, no amount of shock therapy would ever remove the images. The sterile walls, the smell of antiseptic, cold instruments and the rustle of paper on the bed she would be operated on. For the first time in months, Tasha flashed back to that moment.

 _A wheel squeaked on the gurney she was being wheeled into the theatre on, the rhythmic noise doing nothing to soothe her nerves. Her handler had made it clear that all the girls underwent the ceremony once graduated, it was a passage rite to prove they were ready to be released into the world._

 _It did little to rest her fears though, she knew it was something that would set her apart from women outside of HYDRA, even though she wasn't supposed to think about anything besides her missions and anything her handler commanded of her._

 _In an attempt to calm herself, to stop the hysteria she could feel building, Tasha thought of her mentor, the man who had helped shape the best student they had claimed to ever have, and for a moment, she felt better. The Soldier's blue eyes filled her mind, the minute twitch of those lips the only indication that he acknowledged her wit and smarts._

 _Voices caught her attention, a surgeon discussing her vitals with the doctor who had wheeled her in. They spoke in hushed tones but she managed to catch the gist of it. She was to be anaesthetised- but, not under general, apparently, she had earned the right to be awake when she graduated. The Asset part of her purred under the praise, puffed up in pride. However, the minor part of her that feared HYDRA knew this was not a good thing, and the hysteria grew again._

 _Breathing fast, Tasha began to panic, fearing what she would have to witness. The surgeon smiled at her, her eyes calculating but cold. "See? She is thrilled at the idea of such an honour."_

 _No, she wanted to scream, wanted to beg. But her mouth remained resolutely closed and silent, years of training and conditioning forcing her to obey their demands. She was transferred from the gurney to a stationary bed, the rustling of paper under her body sounding like dynamite with her heightened senses._

 _The scratchy gown that had been covering her body was removed, exposing her to their eyes and leaving her feeling vulnerable. Tasha fought the urge to cover herself, knowing that their gaze was only assessing- not even remotely sexual. Satisfied with their inspection, the doctor who had wheeled her in threw a green sheet over her body, a large area already cut out and revealing her stomach and abdomen._

 _Her surgeon turned away a moment, soon facing her again with a large syringe filled with a clear substance. The tip was fitted with a lethal looking needle, the plunger depressed until the clear fluid leaked from the tip._

" _Okay, Asset, we're going to numb the area we will be operating on, you won't feel anything but you will be awake, as per the honour you have earned for such hard work," the surgeon said, speaking mechanically, clinically. "You must not move, or there could be complications, not something we want- and your handler will be disappointed after you've made her so proud."_

 _The idea of disappointing her handler had her calming down, her breathing evening out until she could think clearly. "Yes, doctor, thank you for the great privilege of being awake to witness my ceremony," she answered, knowing this was the response they wanted._

 _Breathe. Get through the surgery, she could get through this. She would make Madame HYDRA prouder of her, she would not fail her handler. The hysterical girl retreated back into her mind, leaving her calm and collected. Several pinches into her abdomen, a slight burn told her she had been injected with the anaesthetic. The numbness quickly spread, and she could see her body being prodded though she felt nothing._

 _The skin was rubbed with something orange, and strong smelling. Her brain soon supplied the word- iodine. A sterile substance that would stop any bacteria from entering the wound when she was cut, a liquid with good antiseptic qualities- one always used in surgeries. A flash of silver as the scalpel passed her vision, and she couldn't stop the holding of her breath in case the anaesthetic had not worked._

 _She counted backwards from ten in Russian, the smell of blood invading her nostrils told her the cut had been made, and she had felt nothing. Releasing the breath she had been holding, Tasha did not look down, refusing to make any eye contact with the surgeon or the doctor, afraid that once she saw the gaping wound in her abdomen she would be unable to keep her handler proud._

" _Suction," the surgeon commanded, the sound of a machine whirring and the grotesque sound of liquid being sucked up echoed loudly around the silent room. Red flowed up the line leading to the machine, and Tasha stared at it curiously. She somehow had imagined that with the constant introduction of the serum into her bloodstream that perhaps it had changed somehow. Such a childish notion, she realised._

" _Clamps and more anaesthetic." There was a deeper pinch that time, she grunted softly at the pain but made no other sound. Soon she felt nothing once more, only hearing the sound of clamps, scissors and whatever else was needed to remove her womb and ovaries. Hysterectomy, they said, the removal of all that made her a woman._

 _She could hear Madame HYDRA explaining it to her, that she was her ultimate asset, and she could not have that asset running off to protect a child, or husband. So, she had been conditioned to believe sex was a tool, useful to gain knowledge, information, whatever she needed to know. And that babies, the idea of a family, was absurd. For a long time, she had believed it, but lately she had grown unsure._

 _The doubts had started when she first met the Soldier, he was only ever referenced as such, and she was only ever called the Asset. Her given name was never used, nor was her family name- the Asset was what she had become._

 _Every so often she could see the flicker of confusion in the blue eyes she had come to find comfort in. But as quickly as it would appear, it would be gone and she would be left wondering if she had just imagined it. Her conditioning would not allow her to raise questions and any doubts of HYDRA were gone for the time being, only to return again later._

 _A sudden wave of dizziness washed over her, her vision blurred for a moment and she felt light-headed. Tasha tried to raise her hand to get their attention, to tell the surgeon she didn't feel right when she heard a wet, sucking noise, and her uterus was passed over her head and slopped into a dish._

 _She screamed, and screamed, but the room remained silent. The screaming was in her mind, and Tasha gave over to blissful darkness, slipping into unconscious just as she heard her doctor shout out her blood loss had gotten out of hand. Tasha's last thought was she needed the Soldier to be there._

A cold hand grasped the back of her neck and squeezed, Bucky's voice murmured in her ear, trying to bring her back to the present. Another body was at her back, one arm wrapped around her waist and holding as tightly as they could.

Familiar aftershave filled her nostrils and she sighed, leaning back into the warmth that was Bruce. "Stay with me," he mumbled quietly.

Taking a deep breath, Tasha shuffled back into his warmth and turned her face until her lips found his, ignoring Bucky for the moment. "I'm sorry."

Bruce kissed her heatedly until his watch beeped, growing more rapid and he was forced to break the kiss, his lips brushing her forehead. "Come back inside with me."

Tasha shook her head and smiled at him. "I'm alright. I flashed back, it's gone now. I need to finish talking with Bucky though."

She saw Bruce's indecision, kissing his cheek to soothe him. She promised to come inside soon, and they would go out to dinner together. It seemed to appease him, and he left the two alone to continue their conversation. Tasha stole another cigarette from him and lit it, inhaling several drags before she spoke.

"I'd put the ceremony out of mind for some time now, I didn't think it bothered me anymore."

Bucky looked at her and cocked his head in thought. "It was a massive event, Tasha. It stands to reason that even though you were conditioned and trained not to feel anything about it, there would always be some subconscious scarring, mentally."

Laughing, Tasha nodded and squeezed his hand. "Thank you, for getting Bruce for me. I don't know if I could have pulled myself out of it."

He nodded once, sharp. "You're going to have to tell him everything at some point."

"I know," she sighed. "I just haven't worked out, or how to tell him you and I were lovers. The hardest part is going to be telling Tony that you were my mentor, my trainer. I was supposed to be sent on the mission that killed his parents, the only reason I wasn't was because I was injured after Zola botched my dose of serum and nearly killed me."

A high-pitched keening noise caught her attention. Tasha rose to her feet and turned to face the sound, only to find Tony stood there, his face pinched in agony and eyes ablaze in fury. Too late she realised he had heard the final part of what she had said. "Tony…" she whispered.

The fury in his eyes gave way to pain and he turned, falling to his knees and vomiting onto the pebbled floor, collapsing as Steve hurtled through the doorway and grabbed him before he could hit his head. Tasha had no idea if she could repair this kind of damage, and for the first time since coming back to the tower, she feared that she might not be allowed in his life any longer.


	16. The Truth Shall Set You Free

**Here we are again, my lovelies. I can safely say there are a few chapters written ahead thanks to NanoWriMo (which I unfortunately did not complete but still got plenty done). I appreciate everyone's patience when updates become sparse, so thank you for not demanding more. :* I promise I'm doing my best.**

 **Anyway! Onwards we go! As always, all belongs to the Marvel Cinematic Universe and no copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Chapter Fourteen- The Truth Shall Set You Free**

Coming to quickly after collapsing, Tony swiped angrily at the tears blurring his vision, scrambling to his feet and racing for his lab to escape, his heart hammering in his chest at what he had overheard. The realisation that Tasha could have been the one to murder his parents stung, the fact that she could discuss that with the person who _had_ murdered them stung worse. But the kicker came that once again, he was the last to know and only found out by chance, and that she probably had no intention of telling him.

He rushed blindly into the lab and punched the lockdown code into his computer, making sure FRIDAY sealed the lab and no one would be allowed to gain entry unless he allowed it. Distantly he noticed Steve banging on the reinforced glass to get his attention, but he ignored him. Everyone he had once trusted was hiding something from him.

Unable to stand being around them, Tony climbed into a suit and took to the air, letting FRIDAY take the controls so he could afford to not pay attention. He needed time with his thoughts, he needed time to calm down. He wouldn't be given that in the tower, he would be hounded incessantly by everyone until he allowed them in to talk to him, and right now he really didn't want to talk.

On a whim he told FRIDAY to take him to the apartment he had rented for Irene and her boy, Josh. He hadn't checked in with them since he had first gotten them set up, and as any boss would do, he should check his employee is happy in her new role. Plus, it gained him some time before he would have to return.

Tony landed with a soft thunk on the roof of the apartment complex and took the stairs down to the fourth floor. He knocked on the door, it swinging open a few minutes later to reveal Irene.

"Mr. Stark? Is something wrong?" She asked, her face switching to alarmed.

Tony shook his head and smiled. "Nope, just thought I'd stop by and see how you were settling into your new job. Pepper hasn't called to say she's had any problems so that's great."

Irene opened the door wider and let him in. "It's taken a little work to get used to so many big-wigs, but I think it's going alright. Josh seems to be better now that he has some stability in his life, we have you to thank for that."

Following her to the kitchen, he watched her bustle around putting what he assumed was a packed lunch. "You know staff get discounts at plenty of deli's and restaurants across the city?" He said.

She threw a smile over her shoulder at him. "I know, but I still try to save as much as possible. As grateful as I am for your generosity, I do still need to save for our own apartment, and I want to make sure that Josh has money saved for his future."

"How old is he?"

"He's seventeen, in his final year of school. He's expressed desire to go to college, so I want to save enough so he can go. Josh is smart, smarter than I could ever believe and I don't want that kind of knowledge wasted."

Tony could understand that. Even if his parents hadn't been rich, he was confident he could have gotten into MIT on his brains and a scholarship. But his parents were rich, and in turn so was he. Before he'd even thought about it, Tony had already begun to speak.

"I'll put Josh in an apprenticeship programme with the company. He can do it for three years and at the end of it, he'll have a degree. It's up to him to choose which department he wants to take the apprenticeship in, but we'll accommodate him."

It took Irene several attempts to find her voice, but when she did it was barely above a croak. "Why?"

He smiled sadly. "Because I see people in my circles with money that only do good deeds for the publicity, and there are people out there who just need a break. I have more money than I can ever spend and if I can do one good thing to help someone, then I want to make sure it's you I help."

Irene swallowed repeatedly and swiped at the tear on her cheeks. "I am never going to be able to thank you for this."

The front door opened to reveal Josh, who was smothered in a hug from his mother. "Oh Josh, Mr. Stark has given you a wonderful gift. You have an apprenticeship at his company!"

He stared hard at Tony for some time before he answered. "I'd like to do something in security, like online security, firewalling and so on."

Tony nodded and smiled. "Sure thing, I'll get Pepper to sort out the paperwork. You can start as soon as you're ready, though I'm sure you want to finish school first?"

Josh shrugged but nodded when his mother nudged him. "Yeah."

He nodded again. "Great. So, this is Pepper's number, give her a call when you want to start and she'll sort out your clearance and someone you can shadow and work with."

A bright smile lit Josh's face and a warmth filled Tony that he had been able to make this family happy and give them the break they needed. He left shortly after and flew back to the tower, he had things to discuss and others to sort out. It was time he stopped running when things got tough, it solved nothing and above all else, he was tired of being angry all the time.

The mechanical arms dismantled the suit when he landed, and he climbed down from the roof to his suite. He imagined that someone had heard him land and would be along shortly but for now, he had a moment to himself. Or at least that was what he'd hoped but there was a knock on his door.

Sighing heavily, Tony opened it to find an awkwardly shuffling Barnes on his doorstep. "Barnes? What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in and talk? FRIDAY has me locked on target, if I go Soldier she knows to shut me down fast."

Tony hesitated but nodded, moving back to let the super soldier in. He shut the door and walked Barnes to the kitchen. "Drink?" He asked, pouring himself a large brandy.

"No, thank you."

Drink poured, Tony gestured for him to carry on. "Talk."

Barnes took a deep breath and let it go with a whoosh. "I'm sorry. You've been constantly kept in the dark when you should have been told first off. Me turning up here hasn't helped at all, I'm sorry for that as well." Barnes ran his flesh hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for the death of your parents. I know I wasn't myself, and others have defended me, but I can understand that in your mind I am still responsible, and I guess in a way you're right."

Tony opened his mouth to deny that, but Barnes raised a hand and asked him to just listen for now- so he obliged.

"Seeing Steve helped me to start breaking through the hold HYDRA had over me. I think the reason I was able to remember him, albeit fleetingly, is because I was so close to him. If that's the case, I should have been able to remember Howard, but I didn't. I'm not sure it would have stopped me, because I still tried to kill Steve, but deep down I knew it was wrong to try."

Stamping down on his anger, Tony nodded for him to continue.

"Whether or not I should have remembered him, I should have pushed Steve to tell you the truth instead of hiding behind him. That is inexcusable. I can honestly say that I didn't recall Tasha having been assigned that mission until we started talking about HYDRA, that is something I didn't actively try to hide. But regardless, you shouldn't have found out like that, and I'm sorry again."

Brandy downed in one swallow, Tony placed the tumbler on the countertop and exhaled sharply. "What are you here for, Barnes? Forgiveness? Absolution? Penance?"

He shook his head and smiled sadly. "No, nothing of the sort. I came to ask that you not banish Tasha from here, and your life. She's made mistakes and bad moves, but she loves you and thinks she's doing what's best for you. Losing you from her life will crush her, so please, give her time to explain herself before you make any decisions."

Tony was the first person to admit he was a hot-head, but on hearing Barnes plead the case for Tasha, he couldn't find the earlier anger he had felt, just the pain. He nodded and agreed to speak to her before there were any decisions made about if he still wanted her around.

Cold metal touched his chin and tilted his head up, his eyes meeting Barnes' blue ones. "You look like Howard but you have your mother's kindness, she was always very kind to everyone she knew- even me."

A smile flitted across the thin lips and then he was gone, leaving Tony able to breathe and think clearly without his personal space being invaded. Shaking his head, Tony shoved his tumbler in the sink and went to find Tasha- it was time they talked about several things.

-oo0o-

After taking as much time as he possibly could to gather his thoughts while he searched for Tasha, Tony walked into the communal entertainment room to find Steve holding Clint in a headlock, the archer screaming incoherently- Tasha crying silently and bearing everything he said.

Standing shocked for a few moments, Tony shot forward and thumped his fist against Steve's chest, yelling at him to release Clint. He did so, and Tony dragged him to the other side of the room.

"The hell, Bird Brain?"

Clint heaved gasping breaths, his face red from yelling and eyes suspiciously puffy. "I…fuck…I'm sorry, man. I heard Steve giving Tasha what for and came to get him to back off, 'til I heard what he was saying. I just snapped."

Tony wrapped an arm around his broad shoulders and ruffled his hair. "Take a breath, calm down, please. I get you're pissed, and appreciate you sticking up for me, but I gotta sort this out myself, Clint. Things need to be discussed and I need to stop hiding behind my anger. Everyone has fucked up in some way, I imagine you have too at some point. We're fucking adults, Clint, it's time we starting acting like it- sort of," he chuckled.

He gave a wry smile and Tony knew he'd calmed the archer down somewhat. "Need me to stick around?"

Shaking his head, Tony smiled. "It's fine, I got this. Go shoot some stuff, sit in your nest or something. When I need to talk, I'll come find you."

Clint hugged him tightly, glared warningly between Steve and Tasha then left, leaving Tony to face the two people who had hurt him most. He heard someone come in, realising it was Barnes when he heard the plates in the metal arm shift with movement.

"Thought it might be a good idea for me to be here," he murmured, moving to the centre of the room.

Tony spotted the hopeful smile on Tasha's face, his heart clenching when it dropped. He faced Barnes and found him to be blank faced. Everyone in the room had wronged him, but he had come to the realisation earlier that he had wronged each of them too, and never had they judged him. Well, Barnes maybe wasn't included in that since he wasn't a member of the team, but still.

He had bullied and teased Steve incessantly, always pushing the limits and trying to get a rise out of the soldier, and always just to prove that he wasn't the perfect all good man that his father had always told him he wished his son was more like.

Although he hadn't known that his assistant Natalie was really Natasha, when he found out he had been horrible to her. She had been doing her job and he was cruel, rude and sexist. Tasha had been the reason for his and Pepper's first fight- his actions towards the Romanoff woman.

Counting Barnes as another victim of his poor ways wasn't entirely accurate since he barely knew the man, but for all his attempts to apologise to Tony, the billionaire had wanted to hear none of it. Instead, he had made it his personal mission to make the amnesia recovering super soldier feel as unwelcome as he could possibly make him.

"You were right, Barnes, you should be here for this," he said quietly, then faced Steve. He studied the blond-haired man whom his father had idolised, the familiar surge of hate shooting through him. "Truth time," he sighed. "My dad spent every waking moment reminding me I was nothing compared to you. I was always compared to you, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't live up to his expectations. I had no desire to fight, I was happy sailing through college, then MIT. I had the brains he had, and more. I was officially smarter than Howard Stark, but that wasn't enough."

Pain flew across Steve's face. "Tony, I…That wasn't the man I knew."

Tony nodded and smiled sadly. "I know. You knew Howard before he became a father. My mom often told he dad was charismatic and wonderful, but when it came to family life, he couldn't settle. When you went into the ice, that's when he changed. Howard became cold and calculating, always seeking to use things to his advantage. To the world, Howard Stark was a loving husband and wife, who doted on his son. Behind closed doors he was a drunk and abusive."

He could see Steve was struggling to reconcile the information with the man he had known for years, but the truth of the matter was that Tony had no reason to make any of this up. He watched as several emotions played across his face until he looked resigned. "I'm sorry, Tony. I really am."

"I guess that when I realised you would be on the team, I was resentful, especially since everyone was more interested in you, than in a man who could perform seriously outlandish experiments and have them succeed. Even Banner was more interesting than me, but hey, I was cool with that because he was still someone I could bounce ideas around with. But you, I hated you. I sort of still do, though less strongly. It wasn't your fault Howard was the way that he was, and I've spent too long blaming you for something you had no control over."

Tony let that sink in for a moment before he carried on, giving Steve time to process. He noticed Tasha was quiet, more importantly, not trying to make Steve feel better about things, because she knew how Howard had been.

"Our friendship grew over time, cemented after the events with the Chitauri. Even when you thought me and Bruce had brought about the end of the world in making Ultron and then Vision, our friendship survived because you were prepared to listen. But then Siberia happened."

Steve visibly flinched at the mention of Siberia, and he saw Barnes take a step toward his friend, then stop. His arm whined as the plates shifted and his fist clenched, but he stood resolute and didn't move further.

"I won't lie, you fucking hurt me bad, Steve. You were prepared to take my bloody head off, you split my arc reactor so I couldn't power my suit. I had to lay there in a non-responsive suit for hours until someone could locate me. I was half frozen and severely hypothermic. I was pissed as hell, but then I got your letter and that the others had been broken out of the Raft. I was still hurt, but at least you had gotten the others free when I had been the cause of them getting imprisoned in the first place. For that, I'm sorry. I should never have asked others to become involved. In truth, if you were on a mission to save Barnes, I should have just let you. If you'd have gotten into shit, then it would have been your own fault. But I was so annoyed at you for helping someone who had tried to kill you, with no thought of how it would affect the rest of us, I couldn't stop myself."

He broke off, swallowing hard and clearing his throat.

"But no matter what had happened in the past, I shouldn't have been so cold to you when you came here for help. I once told you that you would always have safety here, and I decided to practically revoke that and make you feel unwelcome. Yeah, I was still angry as fuck at you, but that should have been dealt with rather than letting it fester. I missed my friend and you turned up wanting my help and it just notched the hurt higher. I'm sorry, Steve. You kept things from me, yes, but I know it was to try and protect me. It was wrong, but understandable. I can't say we can just move on and put it behind us, but I won't be such a dick to you."

It was the best he could do given the circumstances, but the sheer joy that shone on Steve's face warmed him through. The blond took a step toward him and rested his huge hand on Tony's shoulder. "I'm sorry Howard made you believe you weren't good enough. You're a terrifyingly smart man, with great compassion and a fierce loyalty to your friends. Anyone should be proud to call you their son. I'm sorry for Siberia, I was so hellbent on saving my best friend, that I forgot about all other friendships, one that had become important to me. I will never again hide anything from you, unless it saves your life. In return, you won't hide if I do something that hurts you. Deal?"

Tony nodded once, and patted the arm attached to the hand on his shoulder. "Sure thing, Cap." Once Steve let go, he faced Barnes and looked into the blue eyes that he had barely bothered to meet since his arrival.

The other super soldier stood with his arms at his sides, face blank but eyes guarded. He gave nothing away, and said nothing, simply waiting it seemed. Tony almost laughed at how carefully blank he was, certain it had to be taking a lot of effort.

"Damnit, Barnes, loosen up a little, will you? You're making me seriously nervous standing so still."

A tiny smile tugged at his mouth and Barnes stood a little less straight. For him that seemed like borderline slouching.

Tony nodded. "Better. So, it seems I've been a massive fucking dick to you. I had time to think while I was recovering, and going over things, you've been a bloody pawn. You had no control, none. I don't accept that bullshit about recognising Steve and knowing you were doing wrong. Your brain was put in a blender on a repeated basis, no wonder you just obeyed what you were told."

Barnes' mouth fell open and Steve gave a squeak, his own mouth hanging open.

"Yeah, so, I owe an apology. I was rude and arrogant, and though that's in my nature and comes out more often than not, there were lines and I was crossing them. You asked for shelter, I should have given it and asked questions later. Not going to lie, still pretty pissed about my parents and it being kept from me, but I accept it was not your fault nor were you aware of your actions. I would really like to have a proper look at that arm. I'm not going to say I plan on being best buds, but I won't actively try to sucker punch you. And, I'll still work on that trigger issue."

Barnes nodded and smiled. "Thank you, I would be extremely grateful. I understand if you would prefer me to stay out of your way apart from during the experiments."

Tony shook his head. "No, just…don't be extra nice. It makes me seriously uncomfortable."

He shrugged and agreed quietly, moving to stand beside Steve, clapping Tony's shoulder with his flesh hand on the way past. It felt like being struck by a boulder but he was somewhat used to it with Steve and his heavy-handedness.

Hushed words passed between the two soldiers, and Steve left, leaving just Tony, Barnes and Tasha in the room. The usually emotionless Black Widow stood apart from them, her face red from crying, fear and worry in her eyes. Tony wanted to be angry, furious even, but looking at her so broken and frightened destroyed any resolve he had.

"Tasha," he said softly. "Come here."

She moved mechanically, her movements stiff and uncoordinated until she reached him and he tugged her into a hug. She sobbed against his chest and begged forgiveness, pleading to not be thrown out of the Avengers- out of his life. Tony's heart broke and he fell to the floor with her, holding her tightly and burying his face in her hair.

He patiently waited until her sobs subsided and he could actually talk to her without his words being drowned out. When all that was left were hiccups, Tony settled on the floor with Tasha in front of him.

"Just listen for the moment. You are not being thrown out of the Avengers or the Tower, you are not being asked to leave. I've had time to calm down a bit, so stop panicking. I'm livid you kept another thing from me, again, but I am hoping that you did intend to tell me, and I overheard by chance."

Tasha nodded quickly. "Yes, I promise, Tony. I had every intention of telling you, I just didn't know how. So much has gone on, and you were already hurting so much, I just didn't know how to tell you something so shattering."

He held up a hand to stop her and smiled. "Okay, that's something at least. I should probably have announced myself rather than stand there listening, but I'm a nosy shit and I have definitely learned my lesson. I understand why you kept the news about my parents from me, I do. I don't like it, but I get it. But I have to ask, is there anything else I need to know? I do not want anything coming out later when I've given you the chance to tell me."

He saw glances pass between Tasha and Barnes, and she nodded. "Yes, there's more. Bucky has been asking me to tell you, so I asked him to be here when I did, just in case."

Tony worried Tasha was afraid he would hurt her and gave her an encouraging smile, grateful that she was talking to him and not trying to hide anything. He doubted he would like any of it, but it was better it came out now than being told down the line and everything going to shit again.

Waiting for the bombshells to start dropping, Tony gave her the floor, so to speak.

Tasha took a deep breath and started. "So, you know that when Clint found me I was working for HYDRA?" Tony nodded. "I was pretty much like Bucky, I was brain washed and put in a blender after each mission to keep me compliant, but I was their top assassin."

This Tony knew, it was in SHIELD files, along with other information on her.

"When Bucky was trained and ready for action, I was still a teenager, already in the hands of HYDRA. I was being trained, and I first met Bucky a few weeks before my graduation ceremony. He helped to train a few of us girls, providing tips for fast movements. He saw potential in me and wanted me to train with him after the ceremony."

Tony also knew what the ceremony was, he knew Tasha would never be able to have children of her own, and it had become something that bothered her greatly.

"After the Red Room, I trained with Bucky, and he put me forward for a new programme. A new serum, similar to that of the super soldier serum, had been invented. Bucky believed I was most deserving of its rewards. I was strapped down and the serum pumped into my bloodstream. The pain was unimaginable, but I never cried out once, he was proud of me for that. After some resting, I was altered. I was strong, so strong, and my reflexes heightened. I was nimble and deadly before, I was unstoppable after the serum. It also slowed my aging dramatically- I'm sure you've worked that out already if I knew Bucky as a teenager, and yet don't look a day over twenty."

He chuckled. "I did plan to ask what face cream you were using."

Tasha smiled and held his hand tightly. "Yeah. Once I became a full-fledged assassin, I was teamed with Bucky for missions when he was brought out of the ice. We grew close and had a relationship of sorts. Being HYDRA assets meant we knew little of actual relationships, but we knew of the physical side of it. It was pretty much just sex, with a side dish of occasional comfort if a mission was particularly hard."

There was some surprise there, but Tony didn't see why it should bother him. What she did with other men, or women, was nothing to do with him. She was an attractive woman and men often fell at her feet.

"I get it, sure. Even assets have needs," he teased lightly.

"Well, you accepted that better than I thought you would," she chuckled nervously. "Anyway, because we were so close, it became harder for HYDRA to give him mission commands. Their hold on him was weakened, but not gone. Nor was mine. I started being given orders to set his missions and their parameters, I complied easily, there was no reason for me not to. I proved myself more and more, and so I was supposed to be given the mission to kill the Starks, but I was injured in a mission. I took a hit for Bucky, bullet went right through my left side and took a kidney out. I can recover quickly but I can't regrow organs, so I was laid up for a while. I was told to programme Bucky with the mission, and there started the first flickers of doubt."

He glanced at Barnes who was watching him closely, assessing him, Tony reckoned. Hearing it actually come from Tasha that she should have been the one to kill them stung, but not as much as hearing it accidentally. Knowing that she wanted him to know made it a little easier to take. He wasn't entirely sure he could have recovered from it, though, if she had been the one to kill them. Thankfully, he would never have to find out.

"No asset was supposed to let themselves get injured to save another asset, and I had done exactly that. I was developing some emotions towards Bucky, but I didn't say anything. I don't know why, because I wasn't afraid of them, but still, I didn't say a word about how I got injured. Strangely, neither did Bucky. I didn't question why and quickly gave him the mission orders before anyone could learn anything of what happened. He left, performed the task at hand and got the results we needed. Job done. He went back in the ice for a few years, and I went solo for some time. The next time he came out of the ice and was put in the blender, he barely remembered me. I had become erratic with my missions and began making mistakes, so I got blended too. In the end, it was the straw that broke the camel's back."

Her hand clenched his tightly, and he squeezed back. "Whatever it is, we'll work it out, Tasha. Just tell me, okay? I'd rather it came from you than anyone else."

She took a deep breath, swiping at her cheeks when tears fell. "Even though he didn't recognise me, he would still only accept my orders and mission parameters. I was to give one final mission before I was…decommissioned. They had heard of the up and coming son of Howard Stark, the young genius who was breaking all the rules, who could bring about their destruction if he ever found out the truth. I didn't want to do it, but I also didn't want us both to be killed. So, I gave the order."

He knew what was coming next so he said it for her. "Mission active: Kill Tony Stark."

Tasha nodded and sobbed brokenly, grasping at his hands. "Tony, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you then, and I would give anything to take it back and undo what I did."

It hurt, a lot, but not as much as he thought it would do. "Thank you for telling me, Tasha. I'm not happy, and I'm annoyed, but mostly at the fact you've been used for so long and forced to do things you didn't want to do. And even when you didn't know, you were still forced because the decision was taken away from you."

She fell into him and hugged him tightly, his arms wrapped around her and held her, letting her cry it out, murmuring soothing words until she was just sniffling. "We'll sort it, I promise. Now, I want to talk to Barnes, why don't you go find Steve and bring him back for me?"

She nodded, climbed to her feet and left the entertainment room, barely glancing at the soldier. He didn't seem to take it personally, instead his eyes were glued to Tony, watching his every move. Tony's brain whirred as he tried to piece it all together and come to some sort of solution, when it clicked, he saw Barnes had moved to the edge of the sofa, his blue eyes pinned on him, bright and alert. "You are an unusual man, Tony Stark, HYDRA were extremely wrong about you."


	17. Making Improvements

**Hi all- here we have the next instalment- I'll keep them coming as much as I can but RL is a little hectic at the moment- we're moving soon, plus my job is ultra-hard right now, so all the pressure is piling up. Patience is appreciated, this fic will never be abandoned- I promise.**

 **As always, all things belonging to MCU are nothing I own- no copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Chapter Fifteen- Making Improvements**

Bucky stared down at Tony sat on the floor of the entertainment room after Tasha had left. He had been surprised that Tasha had been so forthcoming with the reveal of who had set his mission, and surprised further still at Tony's reaction.

He had been waiting for the eruption of rage, the accusations to fly. His entire body had been coiled to jump up and protect Tasha, but he hadn't needed to. The hot-headed man had reigned any anger in and behaved rationally, being gentle and kind with a woman who had never so much as cried once when they had been in HYDRA.

Seeing her so hurt had struck deep, those huge eyes brimming with tears, her lip chewed to shreds and her body vibrating with tension and nerves. He had seen the relief in her eyes when Tony had told her she wasn't being cast out, then the fear when she had to tell him more, then relief again.

When she had left, he could see the cogs of Tony's mind start to turn, the look in his eyes that meant he was sorting through the information received and trying to come up with something out of it. Hazel eyes looked into his blue ones. "You are an unusual man, Tony Stark, HYDRA was extremely wrong about you."

Confusion flashed through the hazel eyes, head cocked in thought. "How so?"

Bucky smiled. "I remember the many files given on you, and out of all the information in them, there was nothing for your capacity to show kindness and generosity. You were going down the same path as your father, I recall the many weapons you provided to the military and they grew scarily more powerful, until you were obliterating entire mountains. Then Afghanistan happened and you were changed. You were shown your mortality, you realised that even your money could not save your life if you were in the hands of the wrong kind of people."

He watched Tony shudder, the fear in his eyes as he was taken back to the time he had almost died. "You're right. I came out of that scarred and changed. I could the see the destruction my weapons were causing when arms dealers found out about them and wanted them. When I was forced to build the Jericho missile, I knew the devastation it could cause to mountains, as you say, if used in a village, it would be annihilated."

Bucky nodded. "Yes, so instead, you stalled for time and built a suit you could use to escape. Another prisoner helping you, ultimately giving his life to ensure your escape. Thus, the Iron Man was born."

Tony couldn't help but laugh, having heard those same words from Clint at some point. Time, and events, could severely change a person, as Tony had learned from Afghanistan and New York. After the worm hole trip, he had been changed again, and it was then he realised his life had started to fall apart.

"Yes, indeed. What Tasha said about your programming, I think we can use that to our advantage. Our main concern when you go soldier is that you're intent on killing me, so what if we removed that mission protocol?"

Bucky frowned slightly. "Do you really think that removing the protocol will be as easy as that? We've hit brick wall after brick wall, it can't really be as simple as that."

Tony shrugged and gave him a lop-sided grin. "Yeah, I do. Tasha was the vital missing piece, something I couldn't see because you both chose to withhold information from me. If I had known this sooner, it's possible that I could have had the protocols from HYDRA fully removed and when triggered, the need to kill me might not have been there. To be honest, the worst you might have done would be to destroy some equipment. But we'll not know unless we get those protocols removed."

There was sense in the words, but Bucky had reservations on it. He wasn't entirely sure Tasha would want to use his words to remove or enter new protocols, and he was concerned that afterwards, if he did trigger, that Tony was wrong and equipment wouldn't be the only thing he damaged.

At the same time, though, he knew that if they didn't try, they would never know. So, after some further thought, Bucky nodded and agreed to try and have the protocols removed. But, and he stressed this, they had to dig and make sure that any hidden protocols were removed, and that his words were changed, or at the very least, they put some sort of shut down so that if he did go nuts again, everyone had a codeword that would essentially disable him.

Tony readily agreed and they started to brain storm, getting details down. As to who had to tell Tasha that she would have to essentially hack into Bucky's brain? Well, that delightful job fell down to him after he lost the coin toss.

-oo0oo-

When Tash returned with Steve, Tony filled the Captain in, and he took the opportunity to inform Tasha of their plan. Naturally, she rejected it instantly, as he had expected.

"Tasha, come on, listen to me. You can remove all this crap from my brain, I might not be a danger to people once you're done," he pleaded.

Still, she refused, begging not to be given that kind of power. She even tried to get Steve to talk some sense into him, but his oldest friend agreed that this was the best plan- despite it being Tony's. He had to laugh at that.

He tried again. "Tasha, please. I hate knowing that I could kill anyone at any point if I trigger. It terrifies me to know there could be other protocols in my brain that we don't know about. There could be sleeping ones that even you didn't put there."

Bucky could see he was winning, her eyes widened at the thought of deeper protocols, fear creeping in. He was getting through to her, but she wasn't there yet.

" _Soldat,_ " she whispered. "You don't know what could happen. That is a lot of power you're giving me, what if I say something wrong?"

He laughed and hugged her tightly. " _Malen'kiy pauk_ , you're worrying needlessly. Tony is going to oversee everything, and we've already got Steve searching for new words that can be given to me, ones that are less…troubling."

He knew she caught his hesitation, and it was the clincher that got her to do what he wanted, what he needed. They agreed to wait a few days before actually putting their plan into action, Tony was still healing and he couldn't risk another injury, and Tasha was emotionally strung out. At the weekend was when Bucky would have his brain re-wired, and hopefully, they would start to get somewhere.

Everyone filed out of the entertainment room, leaving Bucky alone. The idea that he might be able to get some semblance of his former self back was exciting, a glimmer of hope shone at the edges of his mind, but he tried not to latch on too tightly.

Oddly enough, his mind switched back to the night of the fundraiser he had attended with the other Avengers. Members of HYDRA had tried to capture him, but he was absolutely certain there were no major players left of the group, so who could be pulling the strings now?

Even more troubling was what would have happened if Tony had not been so inclined as to refuse, or worse, they had taken him forcefully and there had been casualties. Why had they decided to strike then? Why that fundraiser?

"FRIDAY, I'm not sure if I have privileges for this, but could you check the security takes for the night of the fundraiser?" He asked.

"Of course, Sergeant Barnes, could you specify the times you would like me to check?" Came the disembodied voice.

Thinking about it, Bucky answered. "An hour before we left, up to an hour after we returned, please."

He waited patiently for her to return. "Sergeant Barnes, are you wishing to view the footage? There are over 100 images running at any one time. It might help if you can give me some indication of what exactly it is that you're searching for?"

Bucky scratched his chin, the skin catching on the stubble. He needed to shave. "I'm not too sure. It bugs me that they knew to attack the night of the fundraiser, but they made no move to actually apprehend me."

If he was doing reconnaissance, he would make sure that he knew every in and out of the people he planned to attack. So that meant that someone had to have been watching them to know what time they would be leaving, to know what time they would be attending the fundraiser.

"FRIDAY, are there any time skips in your recordings? Any blank spots? No matter how short?" He asked.

There was pause while, he assumed, she checked her data banks. "No, Sergeant Barnes, no glitches, blank spots or missing data."

"Hmm," he sighed. "Okay, around the time we're leaving, can you pick up anyone who is watching closely? Paying too much attention?"

Again, a pause. "No, no persons that pay attention to the building other than passer-by's who glance. Would you like me to check for anything else?"

He thought about it before answering the AI. "Yes, please. Will you check the building surrounding cameras, not Stark Tower ones, but the city cameras, and see if anything is different when we set off for the fundraiser?"

A projection appeared near him, several screens showed images of the camera that sat opposite the entrance to the tower. FRIDAY showed one still shot for several days in a row where the camera was facing the oncoming traffic on the one-way road, but on the night of the fundraiser, it was facing the entrance to the Tower, and the still shot had all of them filing out and climbing into cars.

"Jesus, they had the camera pointed on us. How the hell?" He muttered.

"Hey, Buck, what're you looking at?" Came Bruce's voice.

Bucky peered around and frowned. "I'm not sure yet. The night of the fundraiser, when HYDRA gate crashed, the camera outside the entrance to the Tower was facing it. But on all other days, it always faced the oncoming traffic."

Bruce looked at each of the images and tutted quietly to himself in thought. "It would take someone very smart to be able to hack into the city's surveillance and alter a camera position, and then change it back. Look, FRIDAY has included a shot taken not ten minutes after everyone left, and the camera is back facing its regular position."

Bucky's frown deepened. "That is some serious hacking. What do you make of it?"

Bruce shrugged. "Depends. HYDRA didn't try really hard to re-capture you, so maybe it was never about that to begin with. Perhaps it was simply gathering information on us as a unit. All the major players of HYDRA were ruined after the helicarriers went down and Pierce was revealed. So, it would stand to reason that there are new players involved, and they might not have the kind of background info Pierce did. So, I guess the next question is who is now in charge, and what do they really want?"

He turned and face the man who housed the Hulk. "What do you mean?"

Bruce folded his arms over his chest, and rested his left hip against a counter. "Well, if I'm honest, I don't really think they were after you. Like I said, it stands to reason that they were gathering information. I think that if they actually wanted you, they would have simply used the words that put you under their control. Either they didn't know them, or they didn't want to re-capture you. Something niggles me about it all, and I can't put my finger on it right now, but it's there, just scratching the back of my brain."

Pondering over it all, Bucky scratched at the red star on his left arm. "You're right. I think we have a new boss in town, and whoever that is, they're specifically looking to reclaim Assets. Something I did notice, none of them seemed big. Most HYDRA field agents were burly, strong. I swear these guys all had a build like yours, wirier. No offence."

"None taken."

"They handled their weapons with surety, but even at glance I could see the head one had the safety on. If you're planning to capture, you don't have your safety on. You flip it off before you enter to make sure you can get the drop on anyone that tries to get the drop on you."

Silence hung in the air, both trying to put the pieces of the elaborate puzzle together, but neither had any answers. In the end, Bucky asked FRIDAY to create a folder for his search and add any notes he wanted, giving the others access. Bruce left with a quick smile, and Bucky was once again alone.

The urge to busy himself with something had him making his way down to Tony's lab, searching for the billionaire mechanic. He asked FRIDAY for entry but she refused, instead alerting Tony to his presence. The reinforced glass door slid open, so he took that as permission and stepped through.

He found Tony hunched over a gauntlet, screw driver in hand, tongue caught between his teeth. He waved at a stool on wheels, still busy. Bucky sat down silently and waited for him to finish whatever he was tightening or fixing with his gauntlet, trying desperately not to fidget.

Finally, after a string of curses that made even Bucky blush, Tony threw down the screwdriver. "Need something?" He asked.

Bucky shook his head. "I thought you might like an opportunity to tinker with my arm. It needs a check-up anyway, and I can't exactly pop to the local hospital."

A quick smile quirked Tony's lips. "Sure, whatever. Anything in particular bothering you with it?"

He shrugged, listening to the click of plates, one sticking. "That, there's a plate sticking, it's not causing any problems right now, but it could present concerns later."

Tony nodded and pulled out the same mini pack he'd used when he's repaired Bucky's arm, to sort out the pressure sensors. He found the hatch that let him into the arm and jimmied it open, peering into the wiring.

He hummed and tutted as he looked his arm over, and Bucky tried not to squirm too much, the scrutiny into his arm becoming a little too intense for him. "Erm, so I kind of have a confession to make."

Tony sat back and frowned slightly at him, hands splayed in invitation to keep talking.

Bucky huffed a sigh. "I maybe sort of bust the plate myself, so I could come down here," he murmured.

Eyebrows climbing his forehead, Tony shook his head but a smile tugged his lips. "Alright. So, either you want to talk and thought the only way you could get down here would be to bust your arm, or you bust the arm so I'd fix it and be all happy that I could tinker with every mechanic's wet dream."

A dark blush filled Bucky's cheeks and he sucked in a breath. "Err, the latter one. Mostly. Erm. I, uh, wasn't sure I'd be allowed back down here after what I did. What you've been told."

Chair rolling away, Tony stood and went to the other side of the work room. There was rustling and clanging until he came back with more tools. "Shit, happens, Barnes. I'm not going to be all best pals with you, but this anger that's been eating me up has consumed my life for the past few days. It's no life, and I'm just glad that I have my friends back here. Even if I'm still pissed at them for some things."

Bucky gave him a lop-sided smile and nodded. "Guess I get that. For what it's worth, after we left Siberia, the guilt ate at Steve all the time. He checked the cell phone twenty times a day, hoping you would text or call. But you never did. A little more of the hope in his eyes died until there was nothing left but the mission at hand. Seeing that in him almost had me dragging him back to New York. But truth was, he was a rogue after he broke everyone out of the Raft, and it took a hell of a lot of work for Ross to be smoothed over and calmed down."

Tony looked at him carefully, hazel eyes thoughtful. "That would have been me. When I heard what had happened, I called Ross off. Had some dark secrets he didn't want getting out- promised they'd stay hidden if he left Steve alone."

It made a lot more sense, Bucky realised. Especially since Ross was a determined man who didn't let diddly-squat go. Hell, he heard that it had taken Ross's daughter- Betty- to call him off Banner and let him live a normal life. Even after he saved hundreds of lives from one of his minions, but he couldn't remember the name.

"Blonsky," he murmured under his breath.

Tony's head shot up and he scowled. "What did you say?"

"Emil Blonsky. I remember Steve mentioning him."

"What the hell has Blonsky got to do with anything?"

Bucky shrank back from the biting tone and shook his head. "Nothing, sorry, just a random thought that popped through my head."

He sat in silence while Tony worked on his arm. He felt the him fixing the plate that he had purposely cause the jam, and several clicks of tools inside his arm. Because of the many sensors, he could feel most of it, like an itch that he couldn't scratch, though mildly more annoying.

He had to stifle a few annoyed grunts when a sensor was knocked, the movement making him grind his teeth. Tony finally threw down his tool and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. Blonsky is a bone of contention in the Avengers family, and hearing his name makes me pissed. He nearly killed Bruce, destroyed most of Harlem and Ross was the cause. He even gave that mad creature a name- Abomination. Which had to make me laugh because he always called Bruce that, then went and created a Hulk himself."

"I honestly don't know much about it other than what Steve told me, which wasn't a great deal. It came up during a HYDRA base raid, I asked and Steve shut the conversation down quickly, only telling me the basics."

There was a good moment's silence before Tony answered him. "Ross found a way to make a serum that mimicked what happened the Bruce. The Hulk was borne from a ridiculously large amount of gamma radiation, it caused something to happen to Bruce, and he changed into a green wrecking ball of rage. Months of chasing him, Ross kept hounding him, always after him, never letting him settle down. He wanted to dissect Bruce, make more of him for the army. He didn't care that Bruce was a man with a life, didn't care that his daughter loved him and would fight for him, didn't care what he had to do to get him."

Bucky sat listening, horrified at the tale he was being told. He'd heard Ross was a cold-hearted bastard but he had no idea just how badly.

"When he was able to find someone insane enough to have his serum, Blonsky became uncontrollable. He wanted more, and only after realising he could no longer control him, Ross began to regret what he'd done. But after Bruce took on Abomination, beat him, and saved Harlem from complete annihilation, Ross still wanted to have him under army supervision- which translated to lockdown in a cell on the Raft, a reinforced one."

He locked eyes with Tony's. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "You weren't to know. Ross is a sore point. Bruce was forced to go on the run again. Ross looked, but he couldn't ever find him. When Fury put the Avengers together, he made sure Ross couldn't touch Bruce. And if he tried, well, it wouldn't have ended well for him."

Once he'd settled, Bucky nudged a screwdriver back his way. "So, you wanna fulfil that wet dream and play with my arm?"

Tony burst out laughing and slapped his shoulder. "Sure thing, Tin Boy."

If making some amends meant that he would get his own pet name, Bucky figured he would let Tony play with his arm whenever he wanted. Perhaps he would have to bust it a few more times to ensure time down in the workshop with him. "Whatever, Stark."


	18. Reset

**Hi y'all! I am so, so sorry I haven't been around lately. I do have a good excuse though- promise. I found out a few weeks ago I'm having a baby! Unfortunately, this has meant that I am exhausted a lot of the time, meaning I'm often too tired to write. Again, I swear this will never go on HIATUS. Just please bear with me, I will keep writing where I have the time and energy. There are three more chapters already written, so I'll hold out on them a little longer to make sure y'all still get updates, even if they aren't as regular. Once more, this story will never be abandoned.**

 **As always- anything to do with the Avengers is the property of MCU. I make no profit off this story, and no copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Chapter Sixteen- Reset**

A solid week passed before everyone was ready to see if Tasha still had some hold over Bucky, but it was mostly her who needed the most time. It was only after some talks with Bruce that she was made to see that this was not harming Bucky, it would be saving him.

It was only that which convinced her to use his code words. Together, Bucky and Steve had come up with some new words for him, but not just words at random, each one held its own meaning to him personally.

They had chosen the same number of words as those already in existence, ten being a number not too long, but long enough that should someone else try to use them, the rest of the team had time to stop them. The process of gaining control would begin, but not be complete until the final word was spoken.

Tasha had agreed to try and re-programme Bucky so he would only respond to the words in one of their voices, but Tony could not guarantee it wouldn't cause problems. All anyone needed was to use some voice manipulation software and they would be able to still gain control of him, but it was a more preventative measure than allowing just anyone to call them out.

During the days that passed until it was time, Tony thought hard about the words that were already programmed into Barnes. Seemingly innocent words with little meaning. They bothered him, so he set about finding some background on Barnes to see if there was something he could piece together on why the words had been chosen by HYDRA.

He found little, but after a frustrating day of searching, he sought out the man himself and outright asked. Barnes paled, looked grey and promptly threw up in the nearest sink. Tony instantly felt guilty and came to the conclusion that they had been chosen because he was afraid of them.

Fetching a glass of water, he dragged the super soldier down to his workshop, trying to calm him. "Breathe, Tin Boy, drink this."

He watched Barnes gulp the water and whimper very quietly. "I uh…I don't really…can I just sit here a moment?"

Tony nodded and busied himself with the gauntlet he had been repairing the day Barnes had come down to the workshop to let him tinker with the arm. He waited for Barnes to pull himself together, and only when he saw a shadow fall over him did he turn around and meet the blue eyes he'd taken for cold and unfeeling when he first met him.

"Sorry, you caught me by surprise, I didn't…I wasn't expecting to be questioned about them," Bucky croaked. "Do you remember them at all?"

Tony shook his head. "Only a few, but I remember you acting very badly to them when Zemo used them, and I don't think it was just because they made you submit."

Barnes nodded, his eyes filled with pain and regret. "Yes, on that you're correct. Every time I go under, I recall what each of those words means and it takes just a little more of me with them."

"Can you tell me about the meaning of them?" Tony asked softly, keeping his voice light and gentle.

"Longing- in Russian it's _zhelaniye-_ I was taunted with being a man out of time. I was born in 1917, I joined the army in 1937, 'died' in 1945. After that, I was frozen and asleep more than I was awake and on missions. Time was passing me by and I was sleeping through most of it."

Bucky's voice became quiet, his gaze focused on something that only he could see.

"Rusted- in Russian it's _rzhavyy-_ more taunts. In HYDRA's eyes, without them, I would rust and become nothing, useless. A rusted bag of bolts with no one to handle the upkeep of my arm. No one else knew of the technology, so in their eyes I was reliant upon them.

Furnace- in Russian it's _pech'_ \- this relates to my arm. Supposedly, the arm was forged in a furnace so hot, it had taken several people to build because each one died under the extreme heat. I have no idea how true it is, but the idea that men had died for this arm made me feel sick, their deaths were literally on that hand."

His voice didn't break but his breathing hitched, tears filling his eyes.

"Daybreak- in Russian it's _rassvet-_ I was only ever brought out of sleep for missions and that was it, and rarely did I see dawn. I know that growing up, I used to love watching the sun come up, and I couldn't do that anymore, it was another part of me they had taken.

Seventeen- in Russian it's _semnadtsat'_ \- I was born in 1917, there are three numbers in the sequence of words, seventeen, nine and one. It's my year of birth in reverse. I don't really think it had any meaning if I'm honest. Nine and one in Russian are _devyat'_ and _odin._

Benign- in Russian it's _dobroserdechnyy-_ being who I was, I knew that there had been deaths on my hands, that I was a killing machine. But when I was frozen in cryo, I was helpless and non-threatening. They could kill me so easily, make a new Winter Soldier and put me on the scrap heap. I think that was worse than knowing I'd killed.

Homecoming- in Russian it's _vozvrashcheniye na rodinu-_ the greatest taunt of them all, the idea that one day I would be able to return to my old life, to come home. Do this mission, they would say, and you can go home. I couldn't fight, they had total control, but in the deepest reaches on my brain, I wanted to fight and to scream, because I was losing myself and each day I remembered less and less of my former life.

Freight car- in Russian it's _grozovoy vagon…_ " Barnes suddenly trailed off and looked sickened. Tony nudged him to continue, hoping the mechanical way he had been talking would ease off once he had completed the list.

"Freight car is a reference to your parents, and the night I killed them. That mission was the only one that bothered me the most, I barely remembered doing it, I was so far under HYDRA's control then, but in my most lucid moments, I recalled what I did, and HYDRA never let me forget that I had murdered a woman who was so kind to me, who had always looked out for me, and a man who had given me a recommendation which put me in the Howling Commandos."

Knowing how much the death of his parents had affected him, Tony could scarcely imagine what it must have been like to be in cryo and have only that to think about. Experiments had proven that even when in cryo, patients could still think, and hear, and feel. The process simply halted everything else, there was no ageing, no breakdown of organs, just a long sleep.

Tony suddenly realised that he was sympathetic towards Barnes, that he was sorry the man had been taunted with the things he wanted most, and the things he hated the most. It was no life, none, and Tony had made it so much harder by verbally beating on him every chance he got.

Warm flesh gently wiped his cheeks, his vision blurred. "I'm sorry I made you cry."

Tony shrugged and swiped a hand over his face roughly. "I'm fine, I just didn't expect my parents to be one of your code words. Have you thought of new ones?"

Barnes nodded and smiled sadly. "Yes, Steve and I thought of nine of them. I thought you could help me with the tenth one."

"What do you have so far? Don't worry about the Russian, I'll Google it later."

Barnes laughed. "Okay. Here goes. Warmth, not in the literal sense, more the warmth of belonging. Steve is a brother, Tasha is a sister- now anyway, and I found a sort of daughter in Wanda. I picked Brooklyn, for where Steve and I grew up together, when he was just a punk-ass kid getting into fights he had no hope of winning."

Tony chuckled at that, having only known Steve as a super soldier and built like a damn tank. The idea of him being some scrawny teenager was hilarious and now he knew he was going to tease the ever-loving shit out of him for it.

"Red, for Tasha's hair, and her fiery spirit. Even though we were HYDRA Assets together, she was, and is, and important part of my life. She is my _Malen'kiy pauk_. Sunrise, for the ones I missed, but will see from now on, the warmth of the first light as she slips over the horizon into the sky. Polka dot- I used to have the polka dot pyjamas I gave Steve whenever he slept over, they were the only ones I had small enough to fit him, since they were three years too old for me."

Now that had Tony howling with laughter, clutching at his sides and trying desperately not to fall off his stool. "Seriously?" Doubling over when Barnes nodded. "No way, oh Jesus I need proof of this!" Barnes promised to produce a photo as evidence, and even offered to let him keep it as blackmail material.

"Control, me taking my life back into my own hands. It's not just about having control, but not allowing someone else to have that control over me. Tasha is going to put in a safe word, of sorts, one that allows me to stop the take-over if I have time. Promise, one I made myself, in that I wouldn't ever fall into the wrong hands again, and one that I was made- that I would never be allowed to be taken away."

That promise had to have come from Tasha, he reckoned. Or Steve, probably both. Either way, Tony silently agreed with the promise, but for more practical reasons of if he did fall in the wrong hands, there was no telling they'd be able to stop him, or worse, bring him back to himself.

"Howling, as in the Howling Commandos. I served with Steve and that squadron was important to me. Steve and I did so much together, it was where we went from best friends to brothers, we fought for each other, always prepared to die for the other if it ever came to it. There was this song we used to dance to in a bar we visited, it was by the Andrews Sisters, called Where Have We Met Before. It played often, we'd jig to it, sing along. I couldn't really pick one word out of it, so I just chose Beginning. We met in Brooklyn, went to the same school and lived in the same block."

Tony nodded. "Seems as good a choice of word as any. So, you have nine words, but can't find a tenth?"

Bucky smiled. "Yeah, thought maybe you could help me think of something."

He sat back and thought about it, wondering what kind of word might have some meaning to him. "You have a colour in there, why not another?"

The idea had merit, Bucky thought, but couldn't settle on a colour that meant something. There was the blue of Steve's shield or uniform, but he already had so much that linked to Steve. He looked at Tony, shrugging. "Can't think of anything."

Tony got up and fiddled with one of his bots, DUM-E he read on its body, the bright yellow hurting his eyes a little. He wasn't fond of yellow, no particular reason, but not keen. Tony met his gaze and smiled, then went back to working on DUM-E.

"What's wrong with the bot?" He asked.

"Nothing, just giving him a tune up, I try to give all the bots one every few months, make sure they're running okay, and get the download of their data banks for FRIDAY to store. I'm sure they communicate with each other, and FRIDAY, but she never answers when I ask her."

Bucky found it amusing that each of his bots was either a he or she, not just 'it'. They were just metal and plastic, but he always gave them personalities, a little injection of AI technology so they could act on their own.

He scooted closed on his roller stool and watched Tony work, the surety of his hands when he used his tools, the jumping of muscles in his forearms. He recalled the sadness in those hazel eyes, the tiniest flecks of green in them, barely noticeable, but there.

Those eyes had held so many emotions in the short time that he had known him, rage, hurt, suspicion, anger, warmth, sadness, misery, but never joy. Never unadulterated joy, the kind that Steve had always had when he stayed over, or when Tasha got to spar in the gym with him, before and now.

He wondered if joy was something Tony had experienced in the years that Howard Stark had been alive. Had he ever been told he was important? Had Howard ever said that his greatest success was his son? Because Bucky sure knew that Howard had fathered an amazing son with a brilliant mind, and one of the greatest feelers of compassion.

Maybe not when it came to Bucky, but that had slowly filtered in. He could no longer see the contempt or hate in his eyes when he looked at him. He still saw the sadness, but it seemed to have dimmed a little.

"Hazel," he said suddenly.

Tony's head shot up and he blinked several times. "What?"

"My last word, the one that locks the reset in place."

He cocked his head to the side. "Why that all of a sudden?"

Bucky shrugged. "It just popped into my head," he said, somewhat dodging the question.

"Okay, well, there you have it. Ten words that will reset you to Winter Soldier mode. Are we ready to do this?"

A shudder rippled down his spine at having to face his current code words one more time. "You'll be there?"

"Yes, of course, I'm overseeing the whole thing."

Even though he would only be there in an observatory fashion, hearing that Tony would be there calmed him slightly. "Then let's get this done."

-oo0oo-

Hashing out the location for the reset had taken some working out, no one really wanted to be exposed to him should this go wrong. So, Tony had opened up the room he had built for if Bruce could feel a Hulk-Out coming on. It was extremely well reinforced, and had been tested, there was no way Bucky would be able to break out if he did go soldier on them.

He paced nervously, unable to contain his energy and fear. Wanda had elected to be a shield for everyone, her powers able to stop Bucky in his tracks. Steve had his shield out, just in case. Bruce was outside the room, watching the monitors. Vision was staying away, he didn't agree with putting Bucky through the agony of having to be reset, even though Bucky was on board with it. Clint was in his nest, on one of the highest beams watching over them.

Tony had the Mark whatever number he was on now stood in the corner of the room, ready to encase him in its protective cocoon if needed. That left Tasha, who would be speaking, but he was confident that she would be able to get out of his way quickly.

A hand touched his shoulder and he jumped, Steve's worried blue eyes meeting his own. "You can still back out, Bucky. No one is going to force you to do this."

He smiled. "I know, but this is something I want to do. Even if it's only to put new words in my brain, it means old HYDRA agents can't come crawling out and try to do a reset."

"Alright, I just want you to know that you can back out."

"Thanks, but I'm okay. Tasha, you're up!" He called.

She took a deep breath and nodded, tried to smile but it just wobbled off her face. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "We got this, kid. When you're ready, go for it."

" _Zhelaniye, rzhavyy, pech', rassvet, semnadtsat', dobroserdechnyy, devyat', vozvrashcheniye na rodinu, odin, grozovoy vagon,_ " her voice remained steady, strong, each word enunciated clearly, clipped.

Bucky felt the familiar pull of the words, waited for onslaught of horrifying memories, but nothing happened, just a dull thumping in the back of his skull. He frowned. "Try a firmer voice."

She sighed and went through the list again, getting louder but nothing happened, the reset didn't take place. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I'm doing it exactly how HYDRA always did."

He blew a frustrated breath out and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't understand. Maybe the hold you had on my had dimmed, I've been away from you for so long now."

"But Zemo was able to reset you- why?" She asked.

He shrugged. "I have no idea."

"I do," Tony called. "I have a theory anyway. I think it's all about conviction. Zemo wanted to reset you, because that way you could do the worst damage to us was to go soldier and attack us. Tasha doesn't really want to reset you, because she knows the pain it causes you."

Steve nodded slowly and stepped forward. "Didn't you say you were usually reset after coming out of the blender?"

Bucky snorted a laugh at the word but nodded. "Yeah, it was always after the electro-shock therapy."

Tony nodded and stroked his goatee in thought. "You were at your most vulnerable, exposed and impressionable, meaning it was easier to put you back under a reset. It probably helped further that they meant business. You know Tasha doesn't want to hurt you, and she's reluctant to do it, so you're able to fight it. I think that over the years, you've become weakened to her hold, because you've been apart for so many years."

It was entirely possible, it had been a great number of years since he and Tasha had worked together, so resetting him had proven harder, until they'd found others who had no qualms in ensuring he knew they meant business.

"So, what the hell do we do now?" He sighed.

Most of them shrugged, looking lost, except Tony. He stood with a dark smile on his face. "I say we get someone else to try, someone who doesn't mind causing a little pain."

There was something in Tony's eyes that made a shiver fear work its way down his spine. A dark enjoyment, something that said he wanted to do this. "You mean someone who has a reason to get some revenge?" He murmured, face pale.

He shrugged. "I'd say it would make us a little more even."

Tasha strode forward, her face twisted in rage, but Clint shot down and grabbed her, holding her back from him. "Tasha, no, don't get involved, this has been coming, you know it has."

He dragged her from the room, giving them both some space to sort out their differences. "This would make you feel better?" He croaked.

Uncertainty flashed in his hazel eyes, but there was also resolve. "Somewhat, yes."

Bucky closed his eyes and sighed. "Very well, if you think you can do this, go ahead. I hope your Russian is flawless, it can only be spoken in Russian, English won't work."

" _Zhelaniye,"_ Tony said boldly, his face cold. " _Rzhavyy, pech'."_

The burning pull in his mind started, as did the screaming. Bucky lashed out with his metal arm, colliding with nothing as Tony dodged him easily.

" _Rassvet, semnadtsat', dobroserdechnyy."_

The idea that he could speak such perfect Russian had never occurred to him, Tony had always played dumb when he and Tasha had conversed in front of him, or her and Clint.

" _Devyat', vozvrashcheniye na rodinu, odin, grozovoy vagon."_

Bucky suddenly stood straight, his expression blank. "G _otov k vypolneniyu',"_ he said in a monotone.

The Soldier stood to attention, patiently awaiting his orders. He felt rusty, out of swing, there was a faint buzzing in the back of his mind, like an angry swarm of bees in the distance.

"Asset," a voice spoke clearly. "You are being given new instruction. Give indication you understand."

The Soldier nodded once, sharply. "Yes."

The face of Tony Stark came into view, one of his oldest missions coming to the forefront of his mind, his entire body coiling for the strike. "Mission active: Kill Tony Stark."

"Mission deactivated," Tony said sharply, his voice a bark, cold and clipped.

He instantly backed down, going back to standing at attention. He did not fight the handler, the person who issued his codes could activate and deactivate missions, even if it his current mission was about that person.

"Listen closely, Soldier. All past missions, active or not, you will forget them. All of them. They are no longer active and you will not in any way act on them. Is that understood?"

"Yes," The Soldier responded instantly.

"Your reset codes are no longer in existence, you will not respond to them in any way if they are used. Your new codes will be as follows: _teplo, Bruklinskiy, krasnyy, voskhod, v goroshek, kontrol', obeshchaniye, voyushchiy, nachalo, svetlo-korichnevyy._ Confirm acceptance of codes."

The Soldier stood to attention. "Confirm. Code words are warmth, Brooklyn, red, sunrise, polka dot, control, promise, Howling, beginning and hazel."

Tony nodded. "Yes. Furthermore, no one, except those of the Avengers can trigger these words, when spoken by anyone other than an Avenger, you will not respond. Only…" There was a pause before he was able to continue. "Only your teammates can use your codes."

The Soldier nodded again. "Yes."

"Now how the hell do I get Bucky back here?" He asked the room.

The Soldier frowned. "Bucky?"

Tony blinked and nodded. "Yeah, he's like, the other half of you. Sort of. It's hard to explain, you were Bucky Barnes up the beginning of 1945, then HYDRA had hold of you, you were often put into cryo-sleep, and trained to be an unstoppable killer."

The Soldier nodded. "The Asset will comply with all requests."

"Okay. Then I request that you bring back Bucky."

The Soldier gave one last sharp nod, and within seconds, a glaze-eyed Bucky stood there blinked in confusion. "It worked?"

"Like a charm," Tony said with an easy grin.

He raised his eyes to the hazel ones. "You called me Bucky," he whispered in shock. Every face in the room showed the same shock. "You called me a teammate."


End file.
